Spring breakers, Wall Street criminals, and a mutant cat -- you're invited to "UNINVITED"!

Crappy new year!

After a chilled-out vacation, we are back to present a new year's worth of worthless movies.  Let's start 2015 off so-wrong-it's-right with 1988's "Uninvited"!

"Uninvited" is a rollicking, scary voyage aboard a luxury yacht, with the unlikely combo of nubile spring-breakers and criminal venture capitalists. A simple excursion to the Cayman Islands is terrorized by a genetically-mutated cat who kills, at first, only mean people, then indiscriminately. Director Greydon Clark also gave us the videogame sex romp "Joysticks".

It's hilariously bad -- when the cat mutates to attack, a hairball-like creature pops out of its mouth to bite ankles, wrists, and other body parts to a comically bloody effect. It also stars screen legend George Kennedy, who heavily sighs his way through his role as the criminal mastermind's bodyguard.  Other seasoned character actors pop up as well (including Clu Gulager of "Return of the Living Dead").  "Uninvited" is an absolute joy to behold.



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Saturday, January 10th, 2015
9PM (Doors at 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
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As always, you power the show with renewable riffing energy -- give us the best one of the best one-liners of the evening, and you will win a prize.  We will also feature stand-up from JULIA PRESCOTT (Vice, The Aquabats Super Show), special guests from the movie, cheap snacks & drinks, and free popcorn!  So pop your cat allergy pills, and get some cheap tickets now in advance!  Get on our mailing list, and join us in our various internet cavities: Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter.  See you soon, bad movie fans!

Meow,

HMN

"THE CHRISTMAS MARTIAN" is gonna come down your chimney!

Crappy holidaze!

It's time for HMN's holiday figgy pudding with the 1971 kids movie, "The Christmas Martian"!

In this wonderfully & laughably dubbed French-Canadian movie, a Martian lands his UFO in a snowy town.  He is discovered by two kids, whom he quickly befriends by covering them with off-brand M&Ms (not joking).  He proceeds to help them learn to fly with a giant matchstick (again, not joking).  Eventually, the townsfolk get all pitchforky about the interloper, and decide to eradicate him.  Can the kids save their new interplanetary friend?  Here's a clip:



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Saturday, December 13th, 2014
9PM (doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
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Tickets in advance are cheaper than stocking stuffers, so get on that.  We'd love to see & hear you roast this holiday turkey -- there's always prizes for the best one-liners of the evening.  We also have stand-up from TONY SAM and RICKY CARMONA!  It's gonna be great.

Get tickets now, and follow us on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and via our mailing list.  Happy everything!

HMN

Roll up a fat one with "MR. NO LEGS"!

HMNers!

Welcome back to another edition of roasting ridiculous movies!  We have a great one on tap for you this month, going all the way back to 1979 with the amazing insanity of "Mr. No Legs"!

The aforementioned Mr. No is an enforcer for a drug kingpin, and surprisingly good at his job.  In addition to being a kung fu master and a seriously bad dude, he has stainless steel shotguns built into his wheelchair.  When the relative of a police officer dies at the hands of one of the drug operation's flunkies, an investigation begins.  The noose tightens on the drug kingpin, and Mr. No Legs finds himself with shifting priorities.

Not on DVD or Netflix (or even VHS, really), this movie's got it all.  Looking for legless kung fu kicks, bar room brawls, atrophied strip clubs, and someone attacking a Corvette with a sword?  Mr. No Legs has got you covered.


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Saturday, November 8th 2014
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
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Tickets are cheaper in advance, so get on that!  Our show is audience-powered!  Come down to the show, yell out your funniest one-liners, and you could win a prize.  We will also feature stand-up from MOSES STORM, cheap snacks & drinks, and free popcorn!  I mean, come on!

Find us/spread the gospel via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and our mailing list.  Get your tickets, and we'll look forward to seeing you roll in to the show!

HMN

Go seek "HIDER IN THE HOUSE", starring Gary Busey!

Ready or not, here we come!

Thanks to everyone that showed up for our big 5th anniversary show!  We're so stoked to be able to bring these cinematic atrocities to you for so long.  If you haven't been down to a show yet, who better to entice you than the force of nature that is Gary Busey, starring in 1989's "Hider In the House"!  Let's roast!

Gary plays a deranged man who camps out in the attic of a house belonging to a young family, and develops a creepy (is there any other kind?) attachment to them, with deadly results.  To give you an approximation as to the level of ridiculousness in the movie, we need only point you towards the movie poster.  "He's already in" is the tagline, when he is clearly outside.  Thank you again for all you do, windows.

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Saturday, October 11th, 2014

9PM (doors 8:30)

NerdMelt Showroom

7522 Sunset Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90046

Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)

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Grab your tickets now at the link above, then come down and be funny!  You could walk home with a prize, and also walk home with the respect that comes with walking home with a prize.  There will be great stand-up comedy from KATIE CROWN, and ANDREW MICHAAN, plus free popcorn!

Stay tuned with us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, as we will be having caption contests soon where you can win free tickets to the show.  We'll look forward to having you guys in the house.

Boo,

HMN

Celebrate HMN's 5th anniversary with SHARKNADO 2!

Batten down the hatches -

We're having a birthday!  We couldn't think of a better way to celebrate our fifth anniversary than to team up with our pals at The Asylum to bring you our roast of the already-classic "Sharknado 2"!

Fin & April are back, along with new characters, and a gang of celebrity cameos.  The sharks will fly, the chainsaws will slice, and the fun will be brought.

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Saturday, Sept. 6, 2014
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $10
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This is going to be a very special night, so you gotta gotta gotta get your tickets early, or you will miss out!  We will have special guests from the movie (to be announced), swag from The Asylum, and birthday presents from us to you.  There will be stand-up from comedian and Sharknado expert DAN TELFER (@midnight, The Onion), plus free popcorn.

That's all in addition to the HMN prizes for the best one-liners of the evening.  You could be a winner if you come ready to roast, and you're a funny mofo.  Get all up in our social media at Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and on our email list.

Let's do this, people -- get tickets right now!

Buzzzzz,

HMN

You can't "BAIL OUT" of the Hoff --

OK, you guys -

The dog days of summer are here, but the dog days are every days for us at HMN as we spend every waking moment searching for that next big bad movie.  Courtesy of the local swap meet, we've just adopted our pooch for August.  Come sniff the butt of 1989's "Bail Out"!

Hasselhoff!  Let's just get that out of the way right off.  Alternately titled, "W.B., Blue, and the Bean", this direct-to-video stinker has the Hoff as part of team of wise-cracking bounty hunters.  They are assigned by their sleazy boss to protect a witness (Linda Blair from "The Exorcist") and make sure she gets to the trial.  Of course, when the Hoff and his buddies insinuate themselves into the situation, things take a turn for the shooty and explodey.  Hasselhoff!  It's wonderfully fine cheese, and quite possibly the most unabashedly racist movie we've ever seen.



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Saturday, August 9th, 2014
9PM (doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
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You know the drill by now -- show up to the theater, yell out your best one-liners at the movie, and you could win a prize if we judge your jokes the best of the evening.  We will also have stand-up from from JOHNNY PEMBERTON (21 & 22 Jump Street, The Kroll Show) & MO WELCH (The Mo Show, Larry Bird Variety Hour)!  NerdMelt was voted best comedy club of 2013 by the LA Weekly, y'know.  Plus free popcorn!  Get those tickets now on the cheap.

Spread the word among all your MST3K/RiffTrax pals, and come live-mock in person!  And get on our email list, while you're at it.  See you at the show!

Hasselhoff!

HMN

Poke poke poke -- let us incite you to see "PROVOKED", starring Americana from G.L.O.W.!

Happy summer!

We have been thrilled with all of our new fans, and the raucous fun shows at NerdMelt.  You gotta come join us!  C'mon.  C'mon.  C'MON!  Do you suddenly feel -- "Provoked"?

Americana from the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (as Cindy Maranne) stars in this bizarre and hilarious actioner from 1989.  Casey and her new husband are off on their honeymoon, but have to stop by the payroll company where they work to pick something up.  At the same time, a gang of criminals (led by the wonderfully terrible Big Mama) arrive to rob the place.  Thus begins a hostage drama, complete with random violence, ridiculous demands to the TV news, and the worst pizza delivery ever.  It's like "Die Hard", if it was written by a Willy Water Bug sprinkler.

The movie is so VHS that it doesn't even have a trailer, so here's a clip to provoke you:



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Saturday, July 12th, 2014
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90046
Tickets: $8 in advance ($10 at the door)
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Our show has audience power!  This means you mock the movie, and the best one-liners from the evening win prizes.  We will also have some of L.A.'s best stand-up comedy as various points during the show.  All this along with free popcorn!  Get your tickets now!

Follow us in all usual places:  Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and get on our email list, too.  See you at the show, right?  Right?  Right?  Right?  Right?  Right?

HMN

Start your descent into the volcanic area -- it's "AIRPLANE VS. VOLCANO" with cast & crew!

Kaboom!

Happy June, bad movie mockers!  Since volcano season almost upon us, we've decided to get in the spirit with a brand new movie, 2014's "Airplane Vs. Volcano"!

We weren't exactly sure how this movie wouldn't have a running time of approximately 2 & 1/2 minutes.  Thankfully it's doesn't, and instead is chock full of wild, insane, wonderful, nonsense.  It stars Dean Cain, Robin Givens, and Boom Boom Washington from "Welcome Back, Kotter."  And don't forget the volcano!  It also stars a volcano.

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Saturday, June 14th, 2014
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif 90046
Tickets: $8 in advance ($10 at the door)
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This is going to an explosive evening -- grab your tickets now now now before they sell out.  We are chuffed to bits to welcome special guests for the evening: writers/directors the Kondelik Brothers, and star Ryan Budds!  They will be onstage with us for a Q&A, so prepare some Qs to be Aed.  For the best one-liners of the evening, there will be special prizes courtesy of The Asylum, producers of the movie, and many others from our show).  As always, the best in L.A. stand-up will perform at our show as well.  Hot like lava.

Don't forget -- your live commentary powers our show!  Show up funny, and continue being that way by yelling out killer one-liners, and you could head home with a prize.  Find us on social media (you know how, you're big kids), and head on out to see us!

Luff,

HMN

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit N: "Computer Beach Party"

Some movies are sadly too bad/boring/campy/whatever for even the hearty souls at HMN.  Here is yet another in an occasional series of profiles of those doomed films -- "Computer Beach Party."

Ostensibly made to combine the burgeoning computer craze with the established beach party craze, this 1987 bizarre hodgepodge features everything one looks for in a bad/good movie: bad acting, bad dubbing, lots of dubbing, subplots that go nowhere, etc.  "Computer Beach Party"adds a new and unprecedented affront:

A mid-movie apology to the audience for an unfilmed scene.

Wow.  This gem was unearthed by the geniuses at Found Footage Fest, and has been getting the exposure it deserves.  Just get immunized before being exposed to this movie.  Enjoy a snippet below and if you dig it, we've linked the entire film below that.

News on our Sat., June 14th show at NerdMelt coming soon!

HMN

To hell with the Walking Dead -- we got the swimming dead, and they're Nazis! Behold "ZOMBIE LAKE"!

Achtung, bad movie fans!

Zombies have had quite a resurgence in the last few years, but they never might have come back if it was up to a horrible little treasure called "Zombie Lake."

A French film from 1981, this wacko shambler posits a laconic rural town where a small lake is home to a division of undead Nazi soldiers, whose favorite food is female skinnydippers.  It turns out the feeding frenzy is revenge for the town fighting back against the German occupation during World War II.  Add in some human-on-zombie lovin', terrible makeup, fantastically bad dubbing, and you got yourself a heap of cinematic awesome.

Peep the trailer below, which is spoiler-tastic and very NSFW.




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Saturday, May 10, 2014
9PM (doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8 in advance ($10 at the door)
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We are pleased to welcome as our co-host this month ADAM SPIELGELMAN, host of the excellent cult movie podcast Proudly Resents.  You will bear witness to his acumen of a dug-in VHS junkie and his excellent comedic skills.

Speaking of comedy, we will also welcome two amazing stand-ups for our evening of mockery -- JOSH COMERS (Conan, Comedy Central Roasts) and JOHN UNGARO (Stonecutters L.A., NerdTerns).  However, our big comedy stars will be you -- you will heckle the movie into submission, and if your one-liner is deemed hilarious, you'll shuffle home with a special prize.  Don't forget we have free popcorn, too!

Get your tickets now at a discount at the link above, follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, and get on our email list.  We're anxious to eat your flesh!

Chomp,

HMN

Choose to accept the "LASER MISSION"!

Zap!

That's the sound of April's HMN selection arriving in your face.  All the way from 1989, it's "Laser Mission."

Brandon Lee (son of kung-fu legend Bruce Lee) stars as CIA operative Michael Gold, tasked with bringing a laser scientist (played by Ernest Borgnine, who sports a vague and ridiculous eastern European accent) back to the US from Cuba.  At least we think it's Cuba, as we suddenly are in Africa about a quarter into the movie.  Once the scientist is kidnapped, Michael teams up with the scientist's daughter (Debi Monahan).  Much exploding and bulleting ensues.  Add in some time-travelled Nazis, and a bumbling pair of KGB agents, and you got enough bad cinema to eat for weeks.

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Friday, April 18, 2014
9PM (doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8 in advance ($10 at the door)
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FRIDAY!  Once again, we are roasting on a Friday, so don't show up on Saturday -- you will receive no laser mission.  Advance tickets are cheap, so grab some at the link above.

We will be welcoming some excellent stand-up from HOWARD KREMER (Who Charted? podcast, Dragon Boy Suede), and BRANDON WARDELL (The Meltdown Show).  As always, there will be free popcorn!  And there will also be prizes -- if you're one of the funniest folks who gives us a killer one-liner during the movie.  We are a people-powered show.

Hit us on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and our NEW email list.  Get your tickets early, arrive early to get a good seat, and we'll zzzzee you at the show!

Zap,

HMN

Get abducted by "VOYAGE OF THE ROCK ALIENS" with guest cast appearances!

What's that in the sky --?

Don't call Art Bell, it's just March's HMN!  This month, we voyage back to 1984 for the sci-fi musical comedy, "Voyage of the Rock Aliens."

This one is a doozy.  Set in a 1950s/1980s mashup time period, we follow a band of aliens searching the universe for the origin of rock n' roll.  They find it on Earth, along with the singing & dancing phenom Dee Dee (Pia Zadora).  Trouble brews when the plucky musical aliens cross paths with Dee Dee's boyfriend Frankie (Craig Sheffer) and his band The Pack.  Add in some clueless cops, a mutant octopus, escaped mental patients, and a tractor suddenly appearing on a beach, and you've got one of the weirdest movie experiences we've ever seen.

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FRIDAY, March 14th, 2014

9PM (Doors 8:30)

NerdMelt Showroom

7522 Sunset Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif. 90046

Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)

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FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY, folks!  We normally have our show on Saturdays, but we are doing it on Friday in March & April, so make a note of it.  Advance tickets are on sale right now at the link above.  Don't space out and miss saving some money.

We're pleased to welcome special guest cast members (to be announced) who will appear at the show for Q&A after the movie.  Joining us to perform stand-up is the most excellent KYLE KINANE (Comedy Central, Whiskey Icarus).  And you could win a special prize if youse's the funniest cleverest type person, and hits us with a top-five riff on the movie.  And there's free popcorn!

Find us on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and our new email list (get on it!).

Watch the skies,

HMN

Never mind being mugged on the subway, watch out for being eaten by C.H.U.D.!

Merry February -

Every month we dig deep in the crates to bring you the best in the worst cinema. This month, we dig deep underground to bring you the 30th anniversary of "C.H.U.D."!

A 1984 cautionary (and newly relevant) tale of nuclear waste, homelessness, and fashion photography, C.H.U.D. stars John Heard (Sharknado 4eva FTW) and Daniel Stern as two concerned New Yorkers battling back against monsters lurking in the subway system.  When that lurking turns into people being eaten, the guys go on the attack, fighting not only the mutant cannibals, but a government agency desperate to hide a dark secret. It's C.H.U.D.-tastic!

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Saturday, February 8th, 2014

9PM (Doors 8:30)

NerdMelt Showroom

7522 Sunset Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)

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Joining us a special co-host this month is JAY THOMAS (Sirius XM's The Jay Thomas Show, Murphy Brown, Cheers), who acted in the movie, alongside a young John Goodman.  Jay is a raconteur extraordinaire, and 
a hilarious guy -- it'll amplify an already great evening. 

Tickets are on sale now!  Get yours at a discount if you buy in advance at the link above.  As always, your funny one-liners power the show. Be the best, and you'll stroll back home through the sewers with a prize. All that, great stand-up comedy, and free popcorn?  What are you waiting for?

Hit us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and at our email list. Come ready to roast, and we'll see you there!

Yours in C.H.U.D.itutde,

HMN

Let "REPO JAKE" take you away!

Crappy new year!

Thus begins another marker in time of the unending parade of terrible, hilarious cinema.  We're happy to have you along for the ride.  Speaking of rides, make sure you're up-to-date with your payments, or you'll get a visit from "REPO JAKE"!

This 1990 direct-to-video stars Grizzly Adams -- er, Dan Haggerty as an ex-marine looking to restart his life in the quiet, laconic town of Los Angeles.  Great choice, Jake.  Just like the choice of becoming a repo man.  Almost immediately, Jake becomes embroiled with the Mob, the porn industry, demolition derby, and awkward dinners with his beautiful neighbor.  Action ensues and the bad guys' asses are repossesed!

It's a can't-look-away stir fry of bizarre acting, misplaced rap songs, crummy editing & lighting, and Dan Haggerty.  Total gas.







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Saturday, January 18th, 2014

9PM (Doors 8:30)

NerdMelt Showroom

7522 Sunset Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif. 90046

Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)

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Get advance tickets now at the link, and you'll start the new year off right by saving money.  It's gonna be a killer night of great stand-up, special guests, free popcorn, and the new HMN t-shirts now on sale!  Be the funniest person/persons in the theater, and you will win a special prize for the walk home (because your car has been repo'ed).

It's gonna be great!  We're looking forward to seeing more of you in 2014 -- maybe someday we can move in together.  Until then, hover around us on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and our mailing list.  See you soon!

Honk honk,

HMN