Friday, December 6, 2013

This Christmas, get run over by a reindeer in "SANTA'S SLAY"!

Ho ho ho, HMN faithful -

Like snow through the hourglass, December is suddenly upon us.  Take a break from shouldering fellow mall patrons and hate-tweeting large corporations, and treat yourself to an early present -- "Santa's Slay"!

This 2005 holiday romp posits Santa not as a jolly gift-giver, but as a murderous maniac, the result of being the offspring of Satan.  It turns out giving presents was a thousand-year punishment for Santa.  Now that his obligation is fulfilled, the killing can begin anew.  But a boy and his grandpa still believe, and do everything they can to take him out like a Black Friday shopper.

It's wildly naughty fun.  There's great cameos from Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, and James Caan.  Expect frightening reindeer, exploding presents, and a lot more red than green.





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Saturday, December 21, 2013
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
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Get your tickets now at a discount -- we can be that awesome thing you do in L.A. before heading out of town, or just the beginning of a Hollywood Yule, where you own the mercifully traffic-less streets.  In either case, come early to our show and shop for some excellent last-minute gifts at Meltdown Comics.

As always, you can expect hilarious riffs, great stand-up (this month from Erik Charles Neilsen [Community, Conan]), and free popcorn!

And new this month are the Horrible Movie Night t-shirts, fresh from the printer!  They will be on sale at the show for the insane low price of $12.

Hit us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and our mailing list.  We have some killer stuff on tap for 2014 -- you gotta ride along with us!  We look forward to watching "Santa's Slay" roasting on an open fire.

Crappy holidays!

HMN

Friday, November 1, 2013

C.H.O.M.P.S. is a dog of a robot dog movie! Come roast it with guest co-host BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT!

Is it November already?

It seems like October was just yesterday.  To wit, we will feature yesterday's view of tomorrow next week at our screening & roast of "C.H.O.M.P.S."!

The titular star of this 1979 film is a robot dog specially designed to fight crime (we may be Horrible Movie Night, but we could not bring ourselves to write "take a bite out of crime").  The inventor (Wesley Eure) & his girlfriend (Valerie Bertinelli) attempt to keep the metallic mutt out of the hands of a rival company, and its wacky henchmen.



We are very pleased to welcome as this month's co-host, actor/writer/director BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT, who will join us onstage to present and further roast the movie.  Also joining us as special guests are star WESLEY EURE (Land of the Lost, Finders Keepers), and, to lend some cinematic legitimacy to the proceedings, legendary film critic BILL HARRIS (At the Movies)!  It's a stellar lineup that you cannot miss!



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Saturday, November 9th 2013
9PM (Doors 8:30)
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
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Grab your tickets now in advance at a discount.  As always, the best riffs of the evening will win special prizes.  As if all that is not enough, we will also have killer standup from DOMINIC DIERKES (Workaholics, Weeds).  And FREE POPCORN! 


FacebookTwitterInstagramEmail list.  Do it.  See you soon!

HMN

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

This October, get pricked by Corey Feldman in "VOODOO"!

Happy kinda-almost-not-really-yet Halloween!

Huge thanks and welcome to all our new fans who made September's roast of "Sharknado" such a screaming success.  We're stoked to have you onboard for another outing into the waters of bad cinema.  For October, allow yourself to rushed into pledging allegience to 1995's "Voodoo".

Corey Feldman stars as Andy, who wants to be closer to his girlfriend when she enrolls in college, so he joins a very strange fraternity on campus.  A lot of dead bodies later, it seems his frat brothers are up to some occult shenanigans, and may not be -- well, alive. 

The movie also stars Jack Nance (Twin Peaks, Eraserhead, that Suicidal Tendencies video), and Sarah Douglas, who was Ursa in "Superman II".  It's also got voodoo dolls, elongated tongues, ritual sacrifices, and the long-awaited return to HMN of -- boobs.



video


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Saturday, October 12th, 2013
9PM (Doors 8:30)
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10 at the door)
ages 16+
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Make sure to grab tickets in advance to guarantee yourself a cheaper price, and a great seat (although any seat with you in it is a great seat).  And don't forget to bring your funny, cuz the best riffs of the evening will win prizes!  Speaking of funny, we will feature comedy from some of the best stand-ups in town to help roast the movie even further.


Get down with all of our horrible day-to-day activities by following us on our various & sundry portals: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and our email list.  You'll be glad you did.  Reserve yourself some horrible seats, and come to the show, or we'll tickle your custom-made Etsy voodoo doll until you do.


Luff,


HMN

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit M: "Desperation Rising"

There are movies too bad even for Horibble Movie Night?

Yes, Virginia -- there are.  This is another in our series of movies we meet during the vetting process for our show.  May we introduce you to "Desperation Rising".

A melang√© of plot ideas, odd camera angles, and epileptic editing adds up to a bizarre mess that's more college video editing project than motion picture.  It's kinda a revenge tale of burned criminals taking out other criminals.  But it also chronicles the travails suffered by a group of prostitutes locked in a red-lit room.

The ADR sounds like the South Park kids imitating Bugs Bunny. The video effects would bring a tear to the eye of an Amiga 500. And what is the son of John Cassavetes & Gena Rowlands doing here?  Although he was in another movie cleverly titled "Farticus", so maybe the apple fell pretty far from the tree.

We normally say watch these movies with friends, and intoxicants.  In this case, stay away from the hooch, and watch it with an EMT team on stand-by.  You'll thank us.

News on our October 12th show -- coming soon!

HMN

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

SHARKNADO DVD release party/screening/roast with cast & crew!

Sharknado.  Enough said!

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Saturday, Sept. 14th, 2013
9PM (doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8 in advance ($10 at the door)
Ages 16+
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This will be the Blu-ray/DVD release party for the movie (releases Sept. 3), and it's gonna be a doozy.  The sharkmasters themselves, The Asylum, are donating prize packs for the evening, so sharpen those wits if you wanna win one!

We're also pleased to welcome cast & crew from the film (to be announced) who will join us onstage after the movie for a Q&A.  Our stand-up comedians for the evening are the Sklar Brothers (Sklarbro Country, United Stats of America), and Dan Telfer (Just for Laughs, The Onion).  You do not want to miss this show.

Buy tickets now before they're all eaten up (or blow away -- either metaphor works).  Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and on our email list for updates on this and future horrible shows.

May all your sharks be roaring sharks,

HMN

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

It's Pacific Dim with KRAA! THE SEA MONSTER, sponsored by FULL MOON FEATURES!

Avast, bad movie lubbers -

We're back for August, and it's a goodie this month.  Our cinematic dartboard is 1998's "KRAA! THE SEA MONSTER".

The true horror of this film only begins with the grammatical atrocity of a rogue exclamation point in the title.  A giant sea lizard has been unleashed upon an unsuspecting New Jersey, and proceeds to stomp its way across the landscape.  A team of teen space cadets (for real) orbiting our solar system in a giant spherical battle station (totally not looking like the Death Star) monitors the situation.  Using space technology (and, for some reason, telepathy), they decide to send an alien agent to assist some random humans in helping defeat Kraa.

There's a lot goin' on in this picture.  It's actually a combination of two films, "Kraa!" being cut in with an unrelated film, "Planet Patrol." This is a technique used often by Hong Kong bad movie auteur Godfrey Ho. Look carefully to see if any of the characters from the two movies interact (spoiler: they don't).

We have a biker teaming up with a diner owner teaming up with an alien blob teaming up with the government to team up to defeat the wobbily kaiju.  There's lots of crummy miniatures, slow-motion destruction, and actors running back & forth to simulate shaking buildings √† la Star Trek.  You'll also see Alison Lohman (Drag Me to Hell), and Stephen Martines (Burn Notice) in early roles.  It's a cornucopia of fun!




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Saturday, August 17, 2013
9PM (Doors 8:30)
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif 90046
Tickets: $8 in advance ($10 at the door)
Ages 16+
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The good (yet evil) folks at Full Moon Features have graciously provided their support, and prizes for the show.  Wait 'til you see what they have for you!  Bring your knowledge of Full Moon's catalog through the years for a chance to win bonus prizes.  And follow them on Twitter, dammit!

We are pleased to welcome as our special guest Christopher Bergschneider, the special effects guru who worked on "Kraa!"  He's contributed to "A.I.", and "Tales from the Crypt", so we'll see what he has to say for himself at a Q&A after the movie.  Don't forget the killer stand-ups who will perform during the evening -- we have Shawn Pearlman (Comedy Palace, Uncle Mom), and Allen Strickland Williams (sketch comedy group Women) to help roll the hilarity along.

And of course, HMN wouldn't be HMN without you the audience there to riff the movie.  So grab those tickets in advance at a discount now.  This'll be a popular show, so get on it.  Facebook.  Twitter. Instagram.  Email list.  You know the drill.

Kraa,

HMN

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

July's HMN comes to life -- with DEATH MACHINES!

Happy July, HMNers!

We have an excellent summer and fall in the works for all lovers of great bad movies, so keep up with us on Facebook, Twitter, and our email list.  We kick it all off this month with a lovely gem from 1976, "Death Machines"!

There's a war going on between the Mafia, and the Yakuza.  The equalizers?  Death machines -- incredibly skilled kung-fu masters injected with a drug that makes them perfectly obedient killing zombies.  Under the control of the Dragon Lady Madame Lee, the aforementioned machines set about to thin the ranks of the Mafia's goons.  Once a survivor of the attacks (coincidentally, another kung-fu master) and the police get involved, things get even more kicky and punchy.

This is one of the best movies we've seen in a while -- from frame one, it's a stone gas.  Peep the trailer for a convincer --

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Friday, July 26th, 2013
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
Ages 16+
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Horrible Movie Night just ain't horrible if'n it weren't for you, the audience.  Your funny one-liners peppered throughout the film power the hilarity of the evening, and you might just win a prize for said funnitude.  You will be joined by two great stand-ups: Jake Weisman (sketch comedy group Women), and Kyle Clark (Nerdist Network's "Nerdterns").  Don't forget the free popcorn!

Find/follow/promote/love us.  Get tickets in advance here, and show the hell on up!  See you there!

Hi-yah,

HMN

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Gov. Jesse Ventura signs awesome into law with "ABRAXAS - GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE"!

Happy almost-summer, HMNers!

If you're like us, you don't just like Terminator ripoffs -- you like Terminator ripoffs while having to do math!  Henceforth for June, we give you 1990's "ABRAXAS - GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE".

A group of space cops, called Finders, keep the universe's peace via the planet Sargacia.  When one Finder, Secundus, goes rogue in search of greater power, what do you do to catch an unstoppable killing machine? Send another unstoppable killing machine.  That unstoppable killing machine is Abraxas, played by Gov. Jesse Ventura.

Of course, the two unstoppable killing machines end up on Earth, blow up a lot of stuff, and immaculately knock up an Earth woman, whose kid could actually solve the Anti-Life equation, which will unlock the universe's ultimate power.  It's a real hootenanny of cheesy goodness.





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Saturday, June 15th, 2013
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
Ages 16+
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As always, we invite YOU to heckle to movie to your heart's content.  The best one-liners of the evening will win prizes!  In addition to the inherent unintended hilariousness of the movie, we will welcome very much on-purpose funny standups to perform:  Jackie Kashian (The Dork Forest podcast; Conan), and Jordan Morris (Jordan, Jesse, Go!; Maximum Fun podcast; Fetch Quest/Daily Habit).  Plus there's free popcorn!  Come on!

Grab tickets in advance at a discount -- you won't want to miss this one.  Huddle up with us via Facebook, Twitter, and our email list.  We promise to keep it above the waist, and keep you informed of all things horrible movie-ey.

Mathematical,

HMN

Monday, April 29, 2013

"Enemy Territory" is hilarious territory! Guest co-host ROB SCHRAB!

Howdy again, HMN peeps -

They say April showers bring May flowers -- this particular May brings the blooming turdflower that is 1987's "Enemy Territory."

A down-on-his-luck insurance agent (Gary Frank) has a chance for a really big account, and it must be closed that day.  The problem?  She lives in a gang-ridden building, and night is falling.  As Barry enters the projects, another player in the drama arrives -- telephone repairman Will (played by Ray Parker Jr.) is there to, well -- fix the phones.  Once some inevitable gang interaction transpires, Barry and Will must team up and, along with some less-than willing residents of the building, attempt to escape the murderous clutches of the Vampires gang.

This not-on-DVD-or-Netflix film was billed as a breakout role for Ray Parker Jr. (yeah, the "Ghostbusters" theme song guy), who was expected to be minted as the next big action star.  Alas, like Howie Long, it was not to be.  Thankfully, we are left with this hilarious, over-dramatic actioner as his legacy.  The leader of the Vampires is played by Tony Todd, known to the horror world as the Candyman.  It's also one of the first roles played by "Clueless"'s Stacey Dash.  And we can't forget yet another constipated performance from Jan-Michael Vincent, as a Vietnam vet with a bizarre taste in pets, and interior decoration.

We couldn't be happier to welcome Rob Schrab as our guest co-host for this show.  You know him as an accomplished director and writer (Children's Hospital, Community, Sarah Silverman Program), and co-creator of the amazing Channel 101.  This show will be a treat!


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Saturday, May 11th, 2013
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
$8. in advance ($10. at the door)
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 We are also proud to have two killer stand-ups who will perform at the show: Beth Stelling (Conan), and Tom Franck (Dennis Miller Show)!  The laugh fires will also be stoked by you, and your one-liners during the movie.  Roast us up the funniest one, and you will win a prize!  All this and free popcorn?  You gotta do this!  Grab yourself an advance ticket or three at the cheap rate (it's more at the door).

Stay with us on Facebook, Twitter, and get on our email list for good measure.  We'll keep you abreast of all things cinematically horrible.  Get on our territory!

Soon,

HMN

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Pray you don't become prey to "Deadly Prey"! TED PRIOR and DAVE CAMPBELL in person!

Ten-hut, HMN roastmasters!

Sure, we show bad movies.  But even among bad movies, there are blockbusters -- the Citizen Kanes of awfulness.  Among them are The Room, Troll 2, Birdemic, and the wonderful movie we are proud to present this April: Deadly Prey.

A 1987 direct-to-video Action International Pictures release, Deadly Prey concerns a corporate-funded militia group, made up of ex-Special Forces soldiers.  They train for combat by kidnapping people off the streets of Los Angeles, bringing them to their remote encampment, and hunting them… to death!  The militia makes a big mistake, however, when they kidnap Mike Danton.  It turns out Danton trained under the rogue unit's commander, Hogan, and was unsurprisingly, "the best of the best."  What follows is a glorious ballet of madcap violence unseen in any other movie crazy enough to even fathom attempting it.

In addition to the honor of screening the film, we are thrilled to welcome the stars of Deadly Prey, Ted Prior and Dave Campbell, who will appear onstage after the movie for a deadly Q&A!  They will also be armed with some surprises.  Come help us roast this magnificent turkey!


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Saturday, April 13, 2013
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90046
$8 in advance ($10 at the door)
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To power the comedic cinematic engine of HMN, we need your hilarity!  Help us riff the movie, and you could win a prize for the funniest one-liner of the evening.  Those who are lucky enough to have experienced this movie know well the aching facial muscles from laughter.  Get your tickets in advance now at a deadly discount.  We will feature stand-up from Josh Fadem (30 Rock, Eagleheart), in addition to free popcorn, and super-cheap snacks & drinks.

Come be a part of a once-in-a-blue-moon alignment of a great movie, great comedy, and great guest stars!  Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and via our email list.  See you at the show!

Rat-a-tat-tat,

HMN

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Double the horrible! "Two-Headed Shark Attack" bites in March!

Hello hello!

    HMN is primed and ready for our next movie roast, and we're excited to welcome you, the roastmasters, back to the show.  This month we feature a lovely feature from the bygone age of 2012.  To hell with the ides of March --  look out for the tides of March, because they just might bring ashore a "Two-Headed Shark Attack"!
   
    We start off on a Semester at Sea cruise, where your typical college-aged hormones surge with vigor.  Also surging through the water is a mutant shark with two heads (that's 6000 teeth).  It attacks the boat, sending its passengers to a small atoll which is unsurprisingly starting to collapse.  As it does, the number of college students dwindle due to the extremely hungry title character.

The film stars Brooke Hogan, Carmen Electra, and Charlie O'Connell (brother of Jerry, and doppelganger of Nathan Fillion).  We are honored to have director Chris Olen Ray attend the show -- Chris will participate in a Q&A after the movie, so get your Qs ready!  Chris might just bring along members of the cast, so stay tuned to find out who will be there!  We will also feature stand-up comedy from Ricky Carmona (Tosh.0, Mash-Up) and Dan Telfer (AST Records, Just for Laughs).  Plus free popcorn!  C'mon!

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Saturday, March 16th, 2013
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90046
$8 in advance ($10 at the door)
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Grab your tickets now!  The last show nearly sold out, and might again once we reveal our to-be-announced guest cast members.  As always, our show wouldn't be our show without the chaotic hilarity of our audience (that's you).  Bring along some great funny, and you could walk away with a prize -- and we have great prizes courtesy of the creators of the film, and all-around great folks, The Asylum.  Don't forget the cheap snacks, free popcorn, amazing stand-ups -- it's gonna be a screamin' good time.

FacebookTwitterEmail list.  Do it.

Chomp,

HMN

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The inflight meal is you! It's "Flight of the Living Dead" with guest co-host Ted Raimi!

Prepare for takeoff, HMNers -

It's February, which probably makes a lot of you think about having your heart torn out and eaten right in front of you.  But we're not talking Valentine's Day -- we're talking this month's cinematic box of chocolates, "Flight of the Living Dead"!

This 2007 zombie flick (with the greatest title of all time) concerns a pathogen created to prolong the life of soldiers fighting while injured on the battlefield.  It is secretly transported on a commercial flight from L.A. to Paris and, quelle surprise, is released into the plane, creating zombies.  Now only a plucky group of passengers, flight attendants, and an air marshal have any hope of landing the plane safely without being unceremoniously devoured.


We are thrilled to have genre movie icon Ted Raimi join us onstage for this month's show.  Ted will co-host with us, lend his acumen to our roast of the movie, and generally class up the joint.  You won't want to miss it.

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Saturday, February 16th, 2013
9PM (Doors 8:30)
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90046
$8 in advance ($10 at the door)
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Grab a ticket now to ensure you'll have a seat -- advance tickets are on sale at a discount: click here to purchase.  In addition to the movie, we will feature stand-up comedy from the awesome Graham Elwood, free popcorn & cheap snacks and drinks, and YOU!  Yes, you the audience provides the jokes, quips, jests, and one-liners that power the show.  The funniest quotes of the evening will win prizes, so arrive hilarious or shut up!  It's going to be an amazing show.  We can almost nearly certainly guarantee that all the internal organs you arrived with will not be eaten.

So get them tickets in advance, stalk us on Facebook and Twitter, email us to get on our mailing list, and tell a friend or eight about the show.  Looking forward to seeing your delicious selves at the theater!

Nom nom nom,

HMN