Sunday, December 16, 2012

Scream with laughter at "Scream for Help"!

Crappy new year!

We survived the Mayan apocalypse, the fiscal cliff, and the lines for "The Hobbit", so let's salt the wounds with a whole new year of the best worst cinema, that we unendingly endeavor to unearth from their VHS clamshells.  To start 2013 off right, we present 1984's "Scream for Help."

Christy is your average teenager with a not-so average problem -- she's convinced her new stepfather is out to murder both her and her mother.  Her inquisitive mind starts to connect bizarre events in her house, despite little-to-no support from her dipshit friends, and a variety of useless authority figures.  As Christy travels further down the rabbit hole, she becomes an unwitting pawn in a plot by a group of agitated criminals -- until she decides to fight back.

There are afterschool specials, and then there's "Scream for Help", which plays as an after-vocational-school special.  This movie is amazingly inept.  The characters are unintentionally hysterical, and move about the story with all the finesse of electric football.  Time unspools in creatively confusing ways.  Do we really need to see Christy on her bike following her stepfather around three days in a row, losing him at a different point each day AND narrating it all as well?  The answer is yes, says your funny bone.

Surprisingly, one of the brightest stars of this film is the soundtrack.  It was composed & performed by John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin, with guest performances by Jimmy Page, and Jon Anderson of Yes.  Imagine a Casio keyboard going insane, while locked in the coat closet of the dance club from "The Terminator."  It's so bad, it's almost a character in the movie.  It shows up in scenes, makes a ton of noise, and leaves abruptly amidst a trail of debris.  It's stunning.  Also of note, the writer is Tom Holland, who wrote the original "Fright Night", and director Michael Winner did the "Death Wish" series.  But don't expect anything other than a gorgeous disaster here.  You'll love it.

Friday, January 4th, 2013
8PM (Doors 7:30)
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90046
$8 in advance ($10 at the door) 

This movie is not on DVD, so it'll be special evening of bad cinema.  We are also pleased to announce that, after a hiatus for a couple of movies, we welcome the return of sex & nudity!  To that end, this movie is not suitable for anyone under 18 (or anyone without a sense of humor).  

We will have stand-up comedy based on the film & your suggestions.  And we'll have YOU!  You provide the witty commentary during the movie, and you could win a prize.  It's gonna be a hoot and a half.  Make sure to get your tickets in advance, as they are cheaper if you do so.  So do so!  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter, and give a us a like, a follow, and a RT.  See you soon!


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit L -- "Science Crazed"

There's several kinds of bad movies: good bad, boring bad, campy bad, and batshit frickin' insane bad.  Absolutely owning the last category is 1987's "Science Crazed."  It's the story of a scientist experimenting with a growth serum.  After injecting a woman in the hopes of her delivering a full-grown human, said full-grown human escapes the lab and begins a killing spree.  Two of the lab assistants and a cartoonish detective attempt to track down the creature.

If "Eraserhead" was instead made by a high school A/V club with equipment from 1982, you'd still have a ways to go before approaching the level of astonishing ineptitude of this movie.  It's jaw-dropping.  The editing errs on the side of maple syrup, the ADR punches your ears like Tyson, and acting makes you pray the killer hurries the fuck up (spoiler alert: he doesn't).  None of it, unfortunately, in a good bad way.

Consider yourselves warned, but you can view the entire film below.

Stay good bad,


Our next show at NerdMelt is Friday, Jan. 4th -- movie info soon!