Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Have yourself a scary little Christmas with HMN and "Elves"!

Every Christmas it's the same --

-- we always wind up playing a shepherd, and we think the previous year's Christmas movie can't be topped.  How do you get any worse than "Santa with Muscles" or "Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny"?  We'll tell you how -- with a little lump of coal from 1989 titled, "Elves".  We considered not even writing a full description of the movie, and let one line speak for the entire event:

"I want to know the connection between the elves and the Nazis."

What, you haven't broken out your wallet in a frenzy to buy a ticket?  OK, fine.  "Elves" is a jaunty holiday tale of a long-dormant Nazi plot to engineer an army of supermen by having an elf creature mate with a human virgin on Christmas Eve.  The only spanner in the works is Mike McGavin, an ex-cop turned department store Santa (played by "Grizzly Adams" star Dan Haggerty), who insinuates himself into the action to save the virgin, save Christmas, and save the human race.

Saturday, December 17th, 2011
8PM (Doors 7:15PM)
6476 Santa Monica Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90038

Come and be a part of the Christ-mess spirit!  Tickets are on sale now at this link -- get 'em now while you can!  We're cheaper than a regular movie anywhere else, and you won't have to worry that the movie will be bad -- you already know it is!  And you can still buy secret Santa gifts with the extra cash.

As always, we will feature improv from the awesome Omelettes, drinks of various potencies for sale, and prizes to be given out for the funniest, most crowd-pleasingest one-liners yelled out during the show.  So riff we all!  Don't forget to join us on Facebook, TwitterGoogle, and our mailing list -- you'll stay informed on what's awful cinematically.  We'll look forward to hosting you this month at the theater!

Merry merry,


Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Place your bets! Tiffany Vs. Debbie Gibson, or Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid?

Either way, you win!

Hello, HMN faithful.  As heady excitement grows about the turkey coma soon to engulf you, we at HMN only dream of the turkey coma this month's movie put us in during the vetting process.  For November, allow us to present the reptili-gorical cinematic experience that is "Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid".

A relative newcomer to the field, it was released this year (2011) directly onto the SyFy Network.  Aside from the title characters, it also features 80s pop singers Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.  Debbie plays an animal activist trying to save native Everglades reptiles from harm.  Tiffany plays a sheriff charged with protecting said Everglades from animal activists.  All that goes out the window when giant snakes start showing up and devouring people.  Both women reluctantly team up to defend against the renegade snakes, and the genetically-engineered gators created to fight them.  Phew!

We are pleased as chum to have members of the cast & crew agree to come down to the show for some alligator soufflĂ© -- actors Bobby Ray Shafer (in his second triumphant appearance at HMN), Kaiwi Lyman, and Kevin Horton will join us for a Q & A after the film. It's gonna be mega.

Saturday, November 19th, 2011
8PM (Doors 7:15PM)
The Complex Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90038

This show is sponsored by our good friends at The Asylum -- the studio behind the film.  Go to their store and buy some fun stuff!  As always, The Omelettes will be on hand to scramble up some tasty improv based on scenes from the movie, and your suggestions!  And you yourself could walk home with a prize, if you come up with the best one-liner of the evening, that is.  So arrive funny!

Tickets are available now now now!  This will be a popular show, so git 'em now while they're still there to git.  Follow the link to our PayPal site for your purchase.

Keep super up-to-date with us via Facebook and Twitter -- we hope to be adding more actors, and extra   surprises as the weeks go along.  We'll look forward to seeing you at the theater!



Thursday, October 27, 2011

The awesomeness of garbage day.

First off, allow us to thank all of you for your horrible support of our detestable show.  We're so pleased and disgusted to have you all as fans, and look forward to seeing you at our theater show in the future.

In honor of Halloween, let us honor Christmas -- more specifically, the holiday classic, "Silent Night, Deadly Night 2".  It has been established that this yule-turd of a movie contains one of the most classic and oft-repeated lines in any bad movie (second only to "the" line in "Shark Attack 3: Megalodon", covered in glorious detail by our friends at the Proudly Resents podcast).  To wit:

What we at HMN love is that "garbage day" has become a meme.  Following are some of the myriad of hilarious parodies & tributes of this lovely scene.  Enjoy!

Labor day! 
St. Patrick's Day!
Veteran's Day!
Laundry Day!


P.S. - November's show is Saturday the 19th -- movie info to follow.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Sashay down the bloody runway with the cast of "Project Vampire"!

Happy Sucktober!

While Twi-hards warm the concrete in front of the multiplex in anticipation of their latest vampire fix, we merely have to open the coffin we found in the basement of HMN headquarters and root around for the moldiest VHS tape. For your Halloween treat, we present 1998's "Project Vampire".

Known by some as the worst vampire movie ever made, this onion necklace of a movie tells the tale of Dr. Frederick Klaus. The bad doctor is developing a serum that promises to rejuvenate youth, but actually infects the user with vampirism. Dr. Klaus' plan is to turn the entire world into vampires, whom he will then control. One test subject, Victor Hunter, escapes the lab, and with the help of an emergency room nurse, endeavors to expose the serum's true purpose. But Dr. Klaus is not to be deterred, and sends out his vampire hitmen to stop them. As with most of our movies, this one has no trailer, so here's a clip:

We are honored to reunite the cast of this turkey, some of whom were frightened off of acting for good. Joining us in the theater are Brian Knudson, Christopher Smith, and Kelvin Tsao. They will appear onstage after the film for a Q & A. Yowza!

Saturday, October 22nd, 2011
8PM (Doors 7:15PM)
The Complex Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90038

In addition to all the wonderful vampy foolishness this evening will bring, HMN will also feature improv from the gargantuan talent of The Omelettes. They will create scenes based on the film at various points during the show. Don't forget you can win a prize for the best riff yelled out at the show! So be there filled with funny, and direct it at the screen for your chance to be a winner!

Tickets are available now! Click on the link below to purchase them via PayPal. Seats go fast, so get on board early -- it's gonna be a hoot.

Don't forget to stalk us on Facebook and Twitter, get on our mailing list, too. C'mon -- we stalk you. Hope to see you all at the theater!

Most horribly,


Tuesday, August 30, 2011

It's the terrible twos! Join us for a special birthday show, with "Catman", and "Shattered: If Your Kid's On Drugs"!

Happy birthday, us!

It's been two years since we opened the doors of Horrible Movie Night, and we can't thank our fans enough. We've been having a ton of fun sharing these terrible movies, and have been thrilled to meet & laugh with you all over the last 24 months. But unlike most normal people, instead of getting you something nice, we're going to give you a couple of very awful films that we've been saving for just such a special occasion. For our birthday show, we are presenting some glorious oddballs, "Catman", and "Shattered: If Your Kid's On Drugs". Both of these are short-form pieces that we previously hadn't found a proper place for in our show. You will soon reap the benefits.

Legendary Hong Kong schlockmeister Godfrey Ho has made scores of crummy movies throughout the 80s & 90s. His favorite technique was shooting a short film, and then cutting in a totally unrelated movie to pad it out to feature-length. Lucky for us, one of his short films was 1990's "Catman", about two CIA agents trying to take down a satanic church. One agent is scratched by a radioactive cat (don't ask), and ends up with super powers. Wonderfully, "Catman" was shot with English actors, speaking English -- and dubbed again in English. It's howlingly funny, as the trailer will illustrate:

Also on the bill is 1986's "Shattered: If Your Kid's On Drugs", which was a huge hit when we debuted it at the pre-theater HMN many years ago. An hour-long anti-drug melodrama, it "stars" Burt Reynolds and Judd Nelson (who we're sure were totally court-ordered to be in it) as a Greek chorus to a story of two families struggling with children abusing drugs. As with most TV movies trying to frighten people about drug abuse, it's extremely square, and ripe for HMN-ifying. We know you guys will rise to the occasion. Dermot Mulroney (in his very first role) stars as one of the afflicted youngsters. Here's a clip:


Saturday, September 24th, 2011

8PM (Doors 7:15PM)

The Complex Theater

6476 Santa Monica Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90038



We'll have drinks available for purchase tin the lobby, as well as baked goods. There will various surprises added as the weeks go along. You can always count on the excellent improv stylings of The Omelettes, who will on-hand to additionally razz the film. And as always, if you yell out the funniest lines of the night, you could win a birthday prize. Tickets are on sale now at the link below via PayPal. Git 'em now before they sell out!

Don't forget to stalk us on Facebook & Twitter, and tell a friend that loves bad movies (we know you have at least one). We certainly hope you'll come & help us celebrate our horrible birthday!

In horribilium,


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit G - "Pushed Too Far"

Ever since we dug the VHS of "Pushed Too Far" from a box in a thrift shop, we at HMN wished so desperately that it was good/bad enough for our show. It's got all the right elements -- slow pace, bad acting, a token "name" actor, and by far the worst box art we've ever seen (a flying ninja over city hall, with Sheriff Lobo looking in the wrong direction), but it just isn't great/bad.

A picture-perfect town in Indiana is the setting for some unexplained attacks on local citizens. The local karate instructor is as puzzled as anyone, until his wife becomes a victim. His teachings of non-violence keep him from seeking revenge, but the killer (a psychotic former professional wrestler) steps up his game. Then, the karate instructor is, wait for it -- pushed too far.

The biggest carbuncle here is Herb Johnson, a karate champion who, natch, plays the karate champion. He was cast for his martial arts skills, not his acting, and it drags the movie down like a lead overcoat. Claude Akins, famous as the aforementioned Sheriff Lobo, looks conspicuously itchy as the (sigh) local sheriff. The fight scenes are silly, the editing is lugubrious, and the villain is hilariously cartoony.

It does have a Facebook appreciation group, quite a feat for a movie with nearly zero online reviews. You can buy the DVD directly from the makers of the film at this link. Just don't tell 'em we sent you.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Zombie Hamlet?! A horribly terrific play written by a HMN favorite.

Hello, fiends -

You may remember actor Richard Nathan as the geeky projectionist from our presentation of "The Meateater". He is also a talented & prolific writer, and his most current production is now onstage in Los Angeles. "Hamlet, Prince of Darkness" is a comedic reimagining of the Bard's classic, featuring zombies, vampires and various other creatures of the Scottish night. And thanks to some excellent reviews, it has been extended through the end of July!

It's only $15. and shows at a spooky late hour. All of the info here. Tell Richard that HMN sent 'cha!

Friday, June 17, 2011

"Kiss Daddy Goodbye" gives you double trouble, with guests Alain Silver & Patrick Regan!

Hello hello, horrible movie fans -

We hope you're enjoying any time you can get away from work this June like we are -- isn't everybody's vacation spent thumbing through disintegrating cardboard boxes of dusty VHS tapes in creaky resale shops? HMN will return fully energized for a dazzling show in July, with yet another of our unknown blockbadsters, 1981's "Kiss Daddy Goodbye". Our special guests this month will be writer Alain Silver, and writer/director Patrick Regan!

Pretty run-of-the-mill plot: two psychokinetic twins see their father killed by a biker gang, and reanimate his corpse to take revenge. Wait -- what? It gets better: the new sheriff in town (played by 50s teen idol Fabian), must investigate both the rash of recent biker gang-related crimes, and the rash of more recent biker gang murders. Yowza.

This one is wacky crazy. The two plotlines operate autonomously for a good deal of the film -- so you get two movies for the prices of one! The sheriff spends quite a while romancing a wayward member of the Board of Education (played by "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" alum Marilyn Burns) in one thread -- the kids play Atari with their minds in another. You will thrill to the drunken antics of the deceased father's friend, various unexplained boob flashes, and the spooky acting of the twins (neither of whom appeared in a movie before or since). Oh -- and don't miss Chester Grimes, who reprises his role as the snickering biker gang member from "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure."

No trailer exists for this movie, so feast your senses on a short clip:

Saturday, July 16th, 2011
8PM (Doors 7:15PM)
The Complex Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90038

Again, we are very pleased to welcome special guests to our screening -- Alain Silver, and Patrick Regan will grace our stage for a Q & A after the movie. Patrick has been active in directing & producing in Hollywood for many years, and Alain is an accomplished film author, with his latest book, The Vampire Film: From Nosferatu to True Blood, to be released from Hal Leonard/Limelight this month.

In addition to all the wonderful foolishness this evening will bring, HMN will also feature improv from the gargantuan talent of The Omelettes. They will create scenes based on the film at various points during the show. Don't forget you can win a prize for the best riff yelled out at the show! So be there filled with funny, and direct it at the screen for your chance to be a winner!

Tickets are available now! Click on the link below to purchase them via PayPal.
Our last show sold out completely, so get on board early -- it's gonna be a hoot.

We'll look forward to seeing double with you in July!

All of our horrible love,


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit F - "Las Vegas Bloodbath"

As it is (kinda) said in "The Big Lebowski", "Sometimes there's a movie, and sometimes there's a movie." This is that movie. 1989's "Las Vegas Bloodbath" is an astonishing mess, with bipolar pacing that would humble Gary Busey. The story (a term to be used loosely) starts with a real estate agent landing an important deal. Arriving home to share the story with his lady, he finds her in an awful wig in sexual congress with another man. Almost instantly, he turns from humble businessman to giggly maniac. After dispatching them both and removing his wife's head, he (plus the head) drives to Las Vegas to continue his rampage, concentrating mostly on hapless hookers.

Ordinarily, this movie would be a joy, but it is so amateurishly executed (sorry), that it is rendered impossible to like. At one point, the killer stalks a woman at her home, where she is inexplicably hosting an entire women's oil wrestling team. They chat F O R E V E R until the killer manages to do away with his target in a most vile way. We didn't make it through the rest of the film -- we recommend you don't even start.

Here is a particularly cogent vignette from this titanic dud:

Monday, May 9, 2011

Adam Rifkin, Dan Povenmire & Bobby Ray Shafer to appear at HMN's roast of "Psycho Cop 2"!

*UPDATE* -- Online presale tickets are sold out! We will have a limited number of seats available at the door the night of the show, so be there early to get 'em!


Hello again, HMN faithful -

We've been dutifully sprinkling our crop of bad movies (we won't say with what), and yet another turdblossom is ready to be plucked. Get ready to have your rights read by "Psycho Cop 2"! Our special guests for the show are the movie's director,writer, and star, Adam Rifkin, Dan Povenmire, and Bobby Ray Shafer!

Produced at the nadir of the slasher film franchise boom, 1993's "Psycho Cop 2" (a.k.a. "Psycho Cop Returns") features the second coming of Satan-worshipping rogue cop Joe Vickers. Upon overhearing plans for an after-work bachelor party from two office drones, Officer Vickers makes it his mission to punish all involved, guilty of a crime or no. What follows is a nudie bloodbath of hilarious proportions.

There's enough cheese here to feed the entire Fraternal Order of Police, and still have plenty of leftovers to re-roof the HMN HQ. Bobby Ray Shafer, as the mentally-unbalanced title character, equally dispenses ridiculous one-liners and death joyously. The acting is bad, boobs and butts abound gratuitously, and the bachelor party stag film must be seen to not be believed.

Saturday, May 21st, 2011
8PM (doors 7:15)
The Complex Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90038

HMN is very happy to welcome special guests Adam Rifkin, Dan Povenmire, and Officer Joe Vickers himself, Bobby Ray Shafer to our May show. Adam Rifkin (who directed this film under a pseudonym) has since directed "The Chase", "Mousehunt", "Detroit Rock City", and his most recent film, "Look". He is especially renowned for his cult classic, "The Dark Backward". Dan Povenmire is an award-winning animation director, and co-creator of the monster hit for Disney, "Phineas & Ferb". Bobby Ray has a storied career in film & TV, with his recent turn as Bob Vance in "The Office" being a highlight (not to mention his roles in the Asylum "Mega Shark" series, which tickle us most here at HMN). They will all revisit the past with us, and atone for their cinematic sins at a Q & A after the film.

To add extra pepper to the show, the fabulous
Omelettes will provide improv based on the movie. There will also be drinks available (with various powers) and fresh-baked brownies (sorry, no powers).

Our last show sold very briskly, so do not miss out!
This will be a popular show. Show up early to get tickets at the door. There will be prizes for the best riffs yelled out during the show. Fire only your funniest synapses, and you may be a winner!

So comply with everything the nice officer says, and join us for a horrible evening of awesomeness.



Friday, April 8, 2011

Holy talking ponies! It's April's HMN, with special guest Jay Thomas!

Ahoy hoy, HMN folk!

Spring has brought us all an extra hour of daylight, which we at HMN have squandered searching for more of the worst movies never seen. For April, we will present an especially taxing (get it?) film, and another special guest -- Jay Thomas will be present at the show, along with a movie his Emmy awards can't save him from: "The Adventures of Ragtime".

1998 saw the arrival of this hilarious turd -- think "Home Alone" with a talking Shetland pony. Ragtime (the horse in question) lives with a pleasant family, and is taken care of by 10 year-old Barkley (despite his name, he's a boy, not a dog). When Ragtime is kidnapped by two opportunistic & bumbling crooks, the FBI gets involved in the horse's disappearance. But it turns out the little horse can take care of himself, and puts the fledgling kidnappers through the ringer.

This movie is a cheesy jaw-dropper. The jokes are telegraphed, the kids are awful actors, and the animals -- oh, the animals. Every animal "talks" in this movie. We found out that the producers originally did not intend for them to speak, and added the voices in post. We're glad they did, as it makes "Adventures of Ragtime" extra awesome.

As HMN movies go, it's star-studded. The bumbling crooks are played by Shelley Long, and our special guest for this show, Jay Thomas. You know him from "Mr. Holland's Opus", "Murphy Brown", and his awesome Sirius/XM radio program. Jay will be on hand for a Q & A after the movie!


Saturday, April 30th, 2010

8PM (Doors at 7:15)

The Complex - Ruby Theater

6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038



As always, we count on YOU to supply the commentary, snarky remarks, catcalls, and general funniness that make a rotten movie into a hysterical classic. You may even walk home with a prize for one of the best riffs of the evening, but only if you are funny and timely, so choose your weapons wisely.

Halfway through, and also at the end of the film, the Omelettes improv troupe will break the fourth wall with scenes based on the movie. These guys are fantastic -- get to know them better on their Facebook page. We will have brownies (regular strength) and drinks (extra strength) available in the lobby.

So jump on your Shetland, and spread the horrible word! Grab a ticket, get on our mailing list, and stalk us on Facebook & Twitter. We'll look forward to seeing you at the theater!

Hi ho Ragtime,


Thursday, March 31, 2011

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit E - "Killer Workout"

The most surprising thing about "Killer Workout" is it was one of two health club-themed slasher movies (the other being "Death Spa" with Johnny Slash himself, Merritt Buttrick). But it most certainly is the worse of the pair. Beyond that, there ain't much else surprising here.

Also known as "Aerobicide", this turkey features a killer haunting a health club. Instead of workout programs, this club seems only to feature music videos with hilariously heaving bodies clad in awesome 80s spandex. And the weapon of choice when the killer starts dispatching said bodies? A giant safety pin. Yowza.

The creators of HMN favorite, "Deadly Prey" are behind this one, but brought along very little of the same genius. This one will truly exercise your patience.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Don't say you didn't see this coming! It's March's HMN (with a special guest)!

March forward, HMNers -

We've been using the late winter thaw to our advantage, overturning mossy rocks and rotting logs looking for more of the worst movies you've never heard of. And this month, we've found a white truffle.

It's "Lethal Premonition" -- a 2003 gem so bad, it isn't even on IMDB! We weren't even sure this movie existed until we finally scored a copy. It is the story of Jackie, a fashion designer who has persistent visions of various girls being attacked. When real-life disappearances start happening, and getting no help from the police nor her imbecilic boyfriend, she starts investigating on her own. Teaming up with a disgraced cop and a bemulleted psychic, Jackie attempts to track down the mysterious attacker.

This movie is all kinds of bad. We love that the identity of the villain is given away on the back of the DVD box. It's shot on a camcorder (like HMN favorite, "Suburban Sasquatch"), cinching its no-budget look. The acting is astonishingly terrible. Every scene at the police station is a joy to behold -- the actors playing cops make Jack Webb look like Sir Laurence Olivier. And what is a HMN movie without boobs! In this case, the main actress has a modest bosom, but her body double is jarringly stacked!

The best part of March's HMN is one of the stars of the movie will be in attendance: our own sassy Omelette ingredient, Natalia Reagan! Yes, she appeared in this film in one of her first roles. Natalia will answer your questions at a Q & A after the movie.


Friday, March 25th, 2010

8PM (Doors at 7:15)

The Complex - Ruby Theater

6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038



Make sure to get your butt to the theater early, as this'll be a popular show. As always, we will be featuring The Omelettes, whose improv will only accelerate the burn this movie will most definitely leave upon your soul. Friend them on Facebook, and in real life! There will be prizes for the best riffs yelled out during the show. Fire only your funniest synapses, and you may be a winner!

Friend us, follow us, recommend us in any actual/virtual way, and of course, come join us down at the theater in delightful Hollywood! We'll look forward (get it?) to seeing you.



Monday, March 7, 2011

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit D - "Ax 'Em"

Ever wonder who would win a fight between a blender and a movie script? Wonder no further, because "Ax 'Em" is the answer! This ultra-low budget slasher film (supposedly it cost $650. to make) has members of a black fraternity taking a road trip to stay in creepy mansion. A killer is loose in search of some sort of unrelated revenge, and that's about all the sense this film makes. Lighting, sound, camera work, editing -- they're all impossibly awful. Group shots are posed like family portraits, and no less than five people talk simultaneously. But note well the final words of an elderly murder victim, which will assuredly enter your daily lexicon: "Awwwwww shit."

This atrocious turd was brought to light by Michael Adams, in his great bad movie book, "Showgirls, Teen Wolves, and Astro Zombies: A Film Critic's Year-Long Quest to Find the Worst Movie Ever Made". You know you're in trouble within seconds as the misspelled prologue skewers the logic center of your brain. And it's only downhill from there.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Know the past, or you'll be doomed to watch it again --

HMN has polluted the screen nineteen times at its show so far. Are you a curious newcomer interested in what we've previously shown? Are you a HMN vet wanting to relive the pain? Well, then peruse our eternally damned movies -- never to make it into movie heaven, but will party in movie hell.

The Executioner Part 2
Memorial Valley Massacre
The Witching
Suburban Sasquatch
Santa with Muscles
Guns of El Chupacabra
Terror in Beverly Hills
Microwave Massacre
The Meateater
Alien Vs. Hunter
Deadly Prey
Twister's Revenge
Alien Warrior
The Lost Idol
Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny/Magic Christmas Tree
Zombie Lake

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit C - "Pocket Ninjas"

"Pocket Ninjas"! It's a very innocuous title with a whimsical, kid-friendly poster. But be warned -- this movie is about as friendly as a chainsaw with cavities. The plot is not unlike a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book: some kids read a comic book about some kids who train to be ninjas who may or may not be some kids who are kung-fu vigilantes. Which storyline is real? Whose vantage point is it from? I'm sure no one involved knows. Jean Cocteau ain't got nuthin' on the surrealism of "Pocket Ninjas".

The dynamic duo of bad movies, Donald G. Jackson & Scott Shaw, have their hand in this film, which may explain some of the weirdness (and the neon-coiffed kabuki masks recycled from Shaw's epic, "The Roller Blade Seven"). "Pocket Ninjas" is groundbreaking in its mind-bending narrative. If you're afraid to try hallucinogenic drugs, but wonder what they're like, watch "Pocket Ninjas".

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Abracadabra! Come help us saw this "Sorceress" in half!

Hark, HMN fans -

As a balmy L.A. winter settles upon the land, allow HMN to transport you to a fantasy realm to view a film so bad, it would make Gary Gygax spin in his grave. We could only be speaking of February's HMN movie, "Sorceress".

This 1982 sword & sorcery epic failure concerns twin sisters Mara and Mira, who are part of a prophecy that would unleash an era of darkness on the world. To prevent such a calamity, the girls are hidden away as babies and, as they grow up, are taught various fighting skills. They eventually team with a barbarian, a Viking, and a horny (pun intended) satyr to fight the wizard who would force his way to power.

"Sorceress" is a lovely, screaming disaster. For a film with female warrior leads, it's amazingly and hilariously sexist. The women are raised as boys, and every opportunity is exploited to have them disrobe, or pose asinine sexual questions (the scene where the Viking attempts to explain sex to them is especially cringe-worthy). You'll adore the terrible make-up and creature "effects" -- an ape is inexplicably an officer in the evil wizard's army. And wait 'til you see the greased-pole-and-sharp-stick torture device. There's so much to love here.

Peep the trailer below (NSFW, yo):

Friday, February 25th, 2010
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - Ruby Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038

This time, we're having the show on a Friday, just to keep you on your toes. We give out prizes for the best quips of the evening -- hack & slash the screen with your best riffs and one-liners, and you may walk away with one! Your host will be the inimitable Tom Winkler of, and halftime improv will explode from The Omelettes, comedians extraordinaire. We will have treats & drinks for sale to buttress your funny yellings.

So come on down to the theater for this hilarious catastrophe! The more, the merrier is the HMN way, so spread the word, retweet, and like us! Have your friends give us a gander on Facebook and Twitter (you, too, if you haven't already).

We'll look forward to have you get medieval on our "Sorceress"! Thanks for your support.


Monday, January 3, 2011

Forget everything you know about zombies. Seriously.

Auld lang syne, HMN family!

We hope the new year is treating you well so far -- we won't tell 2011 what you said about 2010. In calendar years as in horrible movies, what's old is new again. That goes double for January's HMN film, "Zombie Lake".

From 1981, this French film (with wonderfully hilarious English dubbing) features a rural town with a secret, and a curse. Or is it a secret curse --? A lake in the forest is inhabited by Nazi zombies, who rise from the depths to kill female skinnydippers. The town's mayor tries to keep things quiet, even when out-of-town reporters and cops get involved. But eventually, the townsfolk must fight to eliminate a horror they helped create.

This film is beautiful garbage. It bends time more than Marty McFly ever did -- the Nazi soldiers are ambushed, killed, and dumped in the lake in 1943, but almost 40 years later, the townsfolk involved haven't aged a day. A daughter fathered by one of the Nazi soldiers is clearly only eight. The English translation makes Borat sound like Tom Wolfe. And there's so much nudity, you will qualify for a medical license merely by watching this film.

Thursday, January 27th, 2010
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - Dorie Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038

We're doing another Thursday, in the glorious Dorie Theater in the main lobby at the Complex. As always, HMN needs your help to make fun of this movie. Bring your funniest self (and your funniest friends), and you may win a prize for the best one-liner of the evening.

The sparkly Omelettes will sparkle through some sparkly improv during the show, with scenes based on the movie. They always make a good/bad film great/horrible. There'll be drinks on hand for purchase at undead prices.

We'll wait patiently to eat your flesh, er -- host you for the show. Help us spread the horrible word! Give us a mention on your Facebook page and Twitter feed. Tell your favorite blog about us. And come down to the show if you haven't joined us yet, or if it's been a while. It's the horrible thing to do.

Until then, zombie lake water wishes, and rotting flesh dreams!