Tuesday, July 22, 2014

You can't "BAIL OUT" of the Hoff --

OK, you guys -

The dog days of summer are here, but the dog days are every days for us at HMN as we spend every waking moment searching for that next big bad movie.  Courtesy of the local swap meet, we've just adopted our pooch for August.  Come sniff the butt of 1989's "Bail Out"!

Hasselhoff!  Let's just get that out of the way right off.  Alternately titled, "W.B., Blue, and the Bean", this direct-to-video stinker has the Hoff as part of team of wise-cracking bounty hunters.  They are assigned by their sleazy boss to protect a witness (Linda Blair from "The Exorcist") and make sure she gets to the trial.  Of course, when the Hoff and his buddies insinuate themselves into the situation, things take a turn for the shooty and explodey.  Hasselhoff!  It's wonderfully fine cheese, and quite possibly the most unabashedly racist movie we've ever seen.



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Saturday, August 9th, 2014
9PM (doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
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You know the drill by now -- show up to the theater, yell out your best one-liners at the movie, and you could win a prize if we judge your jokes the best of the evening.  We will also have stand-up from some of L.A.'s best comics (NerdMelt was voted best comedy club of 2013 by the LA Weekly, y'know), plus free popcorn!  Get those tickets now on the cheap.

Spread the word among all your MST3K/RiffTrax pals, and come live-mock in person!  And get on our email list, while you're at it.  See you at the show!

Hasselhoff!

HMN

Friday, June 27, 2014

Poke poke poke -- let us incite you to see "PROVOKED", starring Americana from G.L.O.W.!

Happy summer!

We have been thrilled with all of our new fans, and the raucous fun shows at NerdMelt.  You gotta come join us!  C'mon.  C'mon.  C'MON!  Do you suddenly feel -- "Provoked"?

Americana from the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (as Cindy Maranne) stars in this bizarre and hilarious actioner from 1989.  Casey and her new husband are off on their honeymoon, but have to stop by the payroll company where they work to pick something up.  At the same time, a gang of criminals (led by the wonderfully terrible Big Mama) arrive to rob the place.  Thus begins a hostage drama, complete with random violence, ridiculous demands to the TV news, and the worst pizza delivery ever.  It's like "Die Hard", if it was written by a Willy Water Bug sprinkler.

The movie is so VHS that it doesn't even have a trailer, so here's a clip to provoke you:



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Saturday, July 12th, 2014
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90046
Tickets: $8 in advance ($10 at the door)
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Our show has audience power!  This means you mock the movie, and the best one-liners from the evening win prizes.  We will also have some of L.A.'s best stand-up comedy as various points during the show.  All this along with free popcorn!  Get your tickets now!

Follow us in all usual places:  Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and get on our email list, too.  See you at the show, right?  Right?  Right?  Right?  Right?  Right?

HMN

Friday, May 30, 2014

Start your descent into the volcanic area -- it's "AIRPLANE VS. VOLCANO" with cast & crew!

Kaboom!

Happy June, bad movie mockers!  Since volcano season almost upon us, we've decided to get in the spirit with a brand new movie, 2014's "Airplane Vs. Volcano"!

We weren't exactly sure how this movie wouldn't have a running time of approximately 2 & 1/2 minutes.  Thankfully it's doesn't, and instead is chock full of wild, insane, wonderful, nonsense.  It stars Dean Cain, Robin Givens, and Boom Boom Washington from "Welcome Back, Kotter."  And don't forget the volcano!  It also stars a volcano.

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Saturday, June 14th, 2014
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif 90046
Tickets: $8 in advance ($10 at the door)
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This is going to an explosive evening -- grab your tickets now now now before they sell out.  We are chuffed to bits to welcome special guests for the evening: writers/directors the Kondelik Brothers, and star Ryan Budds!  They will be onstage with us for a Q&A, so prepare some Qs to be Aed.  For the best one-liners of the evening, there will be special prizes courtesy of The Asylum, producers of the movie, and many others from our show).  As always, the best in L.A. stand-up will perform at our show as well.  Hot like lava.

Don't forget -- your live commentary powers our show!  Show up funny, and continue being that way by yelling out killer one-liners, and you could head home with a prize.  Find us on social media (you know how, you're big kids), and head on out to see us!

Luff,

HMN



Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit N: "Computer Beach Party"

Some movies are sadly too bad/boring/campy/whatever for even the hearty souls at HMN.  Here is yet another in an occasional series of profiles of those doomed films -- "Computer Beach Party."

Ostensibly made to combine the burgeoning computer craze with the established beach party craze, this 1987 bizarre hodgepodge features everything one looks for in a bad/good movie: bad acting, bad dubbing, lots of dubbing, subplots that go nowhere, etc.  "Computer Beach Party"adds a new and unprecedented affront:

A mid-movie apology to the audience for an unfilmed scene.

Wow.  This gem was unearthed by the geniuses at Found Footage Fest, and has been getting the exposure it deserves.  Just get immunized before being exposed to this movie.  Enjoy a snippet below and if you dig it, we've linked the entire film below that.

News on our Sat., June 14th show at NerdMelt coming soon!

HMN





Monday, April 28, 2014

To hell with the Walking Dead -- we got the swimming dead, and they're Nazis! Behold "ZOMBIE LAKE"!

Achtung, bad movie fans!

Zombies have had quite a resurgence in the last few years, but they never might have come back if it was up to a horrible little treasure called "Zombie Lake."

A French film from 1981, this wacko shambler posits a laconic rural town where a small lake is home to a division of undead Nazi soldiers, whose favorite food is female skinnydippers.  It turns out the feeding frenzy is revenge for the town fighting back against the German occupation during World War II.  Add in some human-on-zombie lovin', terrible makeup, fantastically bad dubbing, and you got yourself a heap of cinematic awesome.

Peep the trailer below, which is spoiler-tastic and very NSFW.




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Saturday, May 10, 2014
9PM (doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8 in advance ($10 at the door)
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We are pleased to welcome as our co-host this month ADAM SPIELGELMAN, host of the excellent cult movie podcast Proudly Resents.  You will bear witness to his acumen of a dug-in VHS junkie and his excellent comedic skills.

Speaking of comedy, we will also welcome two amazing stand-ups for our evening of mockery -- JOSH COMERS (Conan, Comedy Central Roasts) and JOHN UNGARO (Stonecutters L.A., NerdTerns).  However, our big comedy stars will be you -- you will heckle the movie into submission, and if your one-liner is deemed hilarious, you'll shuffle home with a special prize.  Don't forget we have free popcorn, too!

Get your tickets now at a discount at the link above, follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, and get on our email list.  We're anxious to eat your flesh!

Chomp,

HMN

Friday, April 4, 2014

Choose to accept the "LASER MISSION"!

Zap!

That's the sound of April's HMN selection arriving in your face.  All the way from 1989, it's "Laser Mission."

Brandon Lee (son of kung-fu legend Bruce Lee) stars as CIA operative Michael Gold, tasked with bringing a laser scientist (played by Ernest Borgnine, who sports a vague and ridiculous eastern European accent) back to the US from Cuba.  At least we think it's Cuba, as we suddenly are in Africa about a quarter into the movie.  Once the scientist is kidnapped, Michael teams up with the scientist's daughter (Debi Monahan).  Much exploding and bulleting ensues.  Add in some time-travelled Nazis, and a bumbling pair of KGB agents, and you got enough bad cinema to eat for weeks.

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Friday, April 18, 2014
9PM (doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8 in advance ($10 at the door)
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FRIDAY!  Once again, we are roasting on a Friday, so don't show up on Saturday -- you will receive no laser mission.  Advance tickets are cheap, so grab some at the link above.

We will be welcoming some excellent stand-up from HOWARD KREMER (Who Charted? podcast, Dragon Boy Suede), and BRANDON WARDELL (The Meltdown Show).  As always, there will be free popcorn!  And there will also be prizes -- if you're one of the funniest folks who gives us a killer one-liner during the movie.  We are a people-powered show.

Hit us on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and our NEW email list.  Get your tickets early, arrive early to get a good seat, and we'll zzzzee you at the show!

Zap,

HMN

Friday, February 28, 2014

Get abducted by "VOYAGE OF THE ROCK ALIENS" with guest cast appearances!


What's that in the sky --?

Don't call Art Bell, it's just March's HMN!  This month, we voyage back to 1984 for the sci-fi musical comedy, "Voyage of the Rock Aliens."

This one is a doozy.  Set in a 1950s/1980s mashup time period, we follow a band of aliens searching the universe for the origin of rock n' roll.  They find it on Earth, along with the singing & dancing phenom Dee Dee (Pia Zadora).  Trouble brews when the plucky musical aliens cross paths with Dee Dee's boyfriend Frankie (Craig Sheffer) and his band The Pack.  Add in some clueless cops, a mutant octopus, escaped mental patients, and a tractor suddenly appearing on a beach, and you've got one of the weirdest movie experiences we've ever seen.























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FRIDAY, March 14th, 2014
9PM (Doors 8:30)
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
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FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY, folks!  We normally have our show on Saturdays, but we are doing it on Friday in March & April, so make a note of it.  Advance tickets are on sale right now at the link above.  Don't space out and miss saving some money.

We're pleased to welcome special guest cast members (to be announced) who will appear at the show for Q&A after the movie.  Joining us to perform stand-up is the most excellent KYLE KINANE (Comedy Central, Whiskey Icarus).  And you could win a special prize if youse's the funniest cleverest type person, and hits us with a top-five riff on the movie.  And there's free popcorn!

Find us on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and our new email list (get on it!).

Watch the skies,

HMN