HMN crash-lands at NerdMelt with "Alien Private Eye"!

An atrocious April is approaching!

We're looking forward to drop our latest movie bomb, which will be more taxing than H & R Block.  In our search low & lower for the worst movies on the planet, we've found the perfect specimen to inflict upon you for this month -- 1987's "Alien Private Eye".

Hailing from the planet Styx, private detective Lemro (played by former Chippendales dancer Nikki Fastinetti) has since set up shop here on Earth.  As with most private dicks, trouble finds him.  Soon, he's caught in the middle of a great deal of violence surrounding a mysterious disc (which kinds looks like an old ZZ Top CD).  Lemro must find the disc, save his new Earth girlfriend, and keep both Styx and Earth from being destroyed.

We fell for this movie hard.  Lemro's sartorial style would've embarrassed even Corey Feldman during his Michael Jackson years.  There's lots of big hair, big hats, and big dumb action.  The villain, Kilgore, hides poison in a false tooth, while he hooks Earthlings on an outer space drug.  Add some kung-fu, bad accents, and 80s dancing, and you have movie memories that'll last you a lifetime (which you may want to hire Lacuna Inc. to scrub from your mind).

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Saturday, April 14th, 2012

8PM (doors 7:45)

NerdMelt Theater

7522 Sunset Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90046

$8 in advance ($10 at the door)

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April's show also marks HMN's debut appearance and the formidable NerdMelt Theater at Meltdown Comics!  If you've been lucky enough to see any show here, you know how great a venue it is.  Pick up your tickets in advance at this link so you don't miss out.  Make sure to tell 'em how much you like HMN so we can be a regular thang!  

Speaking of regular thangs, our dear Omelettes will provide improv based on the movie at various points during the show.  And we can't have HMN without you!  When you provide us with commentary during the movie, you may be in line for a prize, which we give out for the best one-liners.  Yes, it's the one movie show where you won't be thrown out for yelling during the film.

Stay in touch with us on Facebook, Twitter, and via our email list, for the scoop on all the movies that should not be.  Get your tickets, and get on down to see us -- we got horrible laughs with your name on them!

L,

HMN

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit H - "Strike Commando"

Ah, yes --

The long line of "Rambo" rip-offs of the late 80s seems to have no end.  The success of the franchise, paired with the booming VHS market, created a perfect storm of crummy movies.  Among the more entertaining is Bruno Mattei's "Strike Commando".  This by-the-numbers Vietnam War stinker from 1987 stars Reb Brown (once TV's Captain America) as Sgt. Michael Ransom, yet another highly-trained grunt fucked over by his commanding officers, seeking revenge.

We really wanted to like this one.  It's mostly pokey and dull, but has moments of horrible brilliance.  Sgt. Ransom dazzles a village boy with flowery descriptions of Disneyland, promising to take him after the war.  Of course, the kid doesn't last, making for a hilarious death scene.

Enjoy!

Horrible Movie Night is becoming even more horrible.

Hiya, HMN loyalists!

There'll be a couple of exciting shows coming up, and it's time to apprise you of the scoop.  For March, we will host HMN at the venerable 3 Clubs in Hollywood.  It's a classic lounge with a full bar, so you may get properly lubricated via the drink of your choice to desecrate the film!  Movie and date to follow.

And on April 14th, we will appear at the mighty NerdMelt Theater at Meltdown Comics!  NerdMelt is THE destination for underground comedy in L.A., brought to you by the juggernaut that is the Nerdist. Ticket and movie info very soon.

Thanks for sticking with HMN, and if you have yet to join us for the ridiculously horrible fun of our show, it's high time to come on down!  Lots more details soon.

Horribly,

HMN

What's an evening at Horrible Movie Night like --?

Hello again, HMNers -

As we take February off to explore new & dangerous avenues for the show, allow us to present a short documentary by Josef Nemcik about Horrible Movie Night.  This was taken the night of our lovely roast of the shlocky bite-fest, "Project Vampire".  We reunited the cast (most of them hadn't seen each other since 1993) to talk about the film, and share some truly great stories.

There is improv based on the film from the omnipotent Omelettes.  They tear the stage up from the audience's suggestions.  We hope you dig it!

We will be back in a theater near you soon -- there's some exciting news coming down the pike, and once we finalize everything, you'll be the first to know (yes, YOU).  Join us on Facebook and Twitter to keep even further up-to-date.  And we're always curious to hear your suggestions for future HMN movies -- bomb up our wall!

Soon,

HMN

Talk about a train wreck! HMN takes on "Night Train to Terror"!

Crappy new year, y'all!

With so many wonderful things to look forward to in 2012 (Mayan apocalypse, presidential election -- wait, are they the same thing?), it is our bound duty to provide you succor in the form of the worst movies on the planet.  Allow us to start the year off wrong with the anthemic anthology, 1985's "Night Train to Terror".

Not unlike "Creepshow" or "Cat's Eye" in format, "Night Train to Terror" offers three cautionary tales of horror.  But unlike the aforementioned films, this movie is like a Jamba Juice of horrifying ingredients and putrefying infusions -- in other words, a Jamba Juice.  The frame story takes place on a train, and has God and Satan (and, inexplicably, an 80s synth rock band busted out in full song) bargaining for recently departed human souls.  To illustrate their debate, the lives of each of the three people are played out through the train car's window.  As you might expect, each person's life is chock-full of dramatic horror and bizarre situations (mental institution, a "death club", etc.).

"Night Train to Terror" was cut together from three other movies, "Cataclysm", "Carnival of Fools", and "Scream Your Head Off", the latter having never been completed.  The final product is so impossibly disjointed, and hilariously so.  This one has it all -- stop-motion puppets, exploding heads, shirtless fights, and abuse of popcorn.  Two of the sequences star Richard Moll, of "Night Court" fame, in two very disparate roles.  Also starring is Cameron Mitchell, one of our favorite actors who's appeared in previous HMN films, "Memorial Valley Massacre", "Deadly Prey", and "Terror in Beverly Hills".  "Night Train to Terror" is a real rollercoaster, and thankfully it never lets up, even after you barf and lose all the change in your pockets.  Here's the trailer (NSFW, on account of boobs):

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Saturday, January 21st, 2012

8PM (Doors 7:15PM)

The Complex Theater - East Theater

6468 Santa Monica Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90038

$10.

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Tickets are on sale now now now -- click at this link, or on the image below to purchase.  For this performance, we have moved to the East Theater -- still part of the Complex, just two doors down from the lobby entrance.

As always, the fine folks that are The Omelettes will provide scathing improv & laughitude during the evening.  But of course, the real star of HMN is you!  The machine of HMN is powered by your hilarious comments throughout the evening -- do it superatively, and you can walk home with a prize (and yes, we make you walk home).

Don't forget to join us on Facebook, Twitter, Google, and our mailing list -- you'll stay informed on what's awful cinematically.  Hope to see you at the theater!

Toot toot,

HMN

Have yourself a scary little Christmas with HMN and "Elves"!

Every Christmas it's the same --

-- we always wind up playing a shepherd, and we think the previous year's Christmas movie can't be topped.  How do you get any worse than "Santa with Muscles" or "Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny"?  We'll tell you how -- with a little lump of coal from 1989 titled, "Elves".  We considered not even writing a full description of the movie, and let one line speak for the entire event:

"I want to know the connection between the elves and the Nazis."

What, you haven't broken out your wallet in a frenzy to buy a ticket?  OK, fine.  "Elves" is a jaunty holiday tale of a long-dormant Nazi plot to engineer an army of supermen by having an elf creature mate with a human virgin on Christmas Eve.  The only spanner in the works is Mike McGavin, an ex-cop turned department store Santa (played by "Grizzly Adams" star Dan Haggerty), who insinuates himself into the action to save the virgin, save Christmas, and save the human race.

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Saturday, December 17th, 2011

8PM (Doors 7:15PM)

The Complex Theater

6476 Santa Monica Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90038

$10.

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Come and be a part of the Christ-mess spirit!  Tickets are on sale now at this link -- get 'em now while you can!  We're cheaper than a regular movie anywhere else, and you won't have to worry that the movie will be bad -- you already know it is!  And you can still buy secret Santa gifts with the extra cash.

As always, we will feature improv from the awesome Omelettes, drinks of various potencies for sale, and prizes to be given out for the funniest, most crowd-pleasingest one-liners yelled out during the show.  So riff we all!  Don't forget to join us on Facebook, Twitter, Google, and our mailing list -- you'll stay informed on what's awful cinematically.  We'll look forward to hosting you this month at the theater!

Merry merry,

HMN

Place your bets! Tiffany Vs. Debbie Gibson, or Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid?

Either way, you win!

Hello, HMN faithful.  As heady excitement grows about the turkey coma soon to engulf you, we at HMN only dream of the turkey coma this month's movie put us in during the vetting process.  For November, allow us to present the reptili-gorical cinematic experience that is "Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid".

A relative newcomer to the field, it was released this year (2011) directly onto the SyFy Network.  Aside from the title characters, it also features 80s pop singers Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.  Debbie plays an animal activist trying to save native Everglades reptiles from harm.  Tiffany plays a sheriff charged with protecting said Everglades from animal activists.  All that goes out the window when giant snakes start showing up and devouring people.  Both women reluctantly team up to defend against the renegade snakes, and the genetically-engineered gators created to fight them.  Phew!


We are pleased as chum to have members of the cast & crew agree to come down to the show for some alligator soufflé -- actors Bobby Ray Shafer (in his second triumphant appearance at HMN), Kaiwi Lyman, and Kevin Horton will join us for a Q & A after the film. It's gonna be mega.

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Saturday, November 19th, 2011
8PM (Doors 7:15PM)
The Complex Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90038
$10.
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This show is sponsored by our good friends at The Asylum -- the studio behind the film.  Go to their store and buy some fun stuff!  As always, The Omelettes will be on hand to scramble up some tasty improv based on scenes from the movie, and your suggestions!  And you yourself could walk home with a prize, if you come up with the best one-liner of the evening, that is.  So arrive funny!

Tickets are available now now now!  This will be a popular show, so git 'em now while they're still there to git.  Follow the link to our PayPal site for your purchase.

Keep super up-to-date with us via Facebook and Twitter -- we hope to be adding more actors, and extra   surprises as the weeks go along.  We'll look forward to seeing you at the theater!

Chomp,

HMN