Thursday, March 31, 2011

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit E - "Killer Workout"

The most surprising thing about "Killer Workout" is it was one of two health club-themed slasher movies (the other being "Death Spa" with Johnny Slash himself, Merritt Buttrick). But it most certainly is the worse of the pair. Beyond that, there ain't much else surprising here.

Also known as "Aerobicide", this turkey features a killer haunting a health club. Instead of workout programs, this club seems only to feature music videos with hilariously heaving bodies clad in awesome 80s spandex. And the weapon of choice when the killer starts dispatching said bodies? A giant safety pin. Yowza.

The creators of HMN favorite, "Deadly Prey" are behind this one, but brought along very little of the same genius. This one will truly exercise your patience.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Don't say you didn't see this coming! It's March's HMN (with a special guest)!

March forward, HMNers -

We've been using the late winter thaw to our advantage, overturning mossy rocks and rotting logs looking for more of the worst movies you've never heard of. And this month, we've found a white truffle.

It's "Lethal Premonition" -- a 2003 gem so bad, it isn't even on IMDB! We weren't even sure this movie existed until we finally scored a copy. It is the story of Jackie, a fashion designer who has persistent visions of various girls being attacked. When real-life disappearances start happening, and getting no help from the police nor her imbecilic boyfriend, she starts investigating on her own. Teaming up with a disgraced cop and a bemulleted psychic, Jackie attempts to track down the mysterious attacker.

This movie is all kinds of bad. We love that the identity of the villain is given away on the back of the DVD box. It's shot on a camcorder (like HMN favorite, "Suburban Sasquatch"), cinching its no-budget look. The acting is astonishingly terrible. Every scene at the police station is a joy to behold -- the actors playing cops make Jack Webb look like Sir Laurence Olivier. And what is a HMN movie without boobs! In this case, the main actress has a modest bosom, but her body double is jarringly stacked!

The best part of March's HMN is one of the stars of the movie will be in attendance: our own sassy Omelette ingredient, Natalia Reagan! Yes, she appeared in this film in one of her first roles. Natalia will answer your questions at a Q & A after the movie.


Friday, March 25th, 2010

8PM (Doors at 7:15)

The Complex - Ruby Theater

6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038



Make sure to get your butt to the theater early, as this'll be a popular show. As always, we will be featuring The Omelettes, whose improv will only accelerate the burn this movie will most definitely leave upon your soul. Friend them on Facebook, and in real life! There will be prizes for the best riffs yelled out during the show. Fire only your funniest synapses, and you may be a winner!

Friend us, follow us, recommend us in any actual/virtual way, and of course, come join us down at the theater in delightful Hollywood! We'll look forward (get it?) to seeing you.



Monday, March 7, 2011

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit D - "Ax 'Em"

Ever wonder who would win a fight between a blender and a movie script? Wonder no further, because "Ax 'Em" is the answer! This ultra-low budget slasher film (supposedly it cost $650. to make) has members of a black fraternity taking a road trip to stay in creepy mansion. A killer is loose in search of some sort of unrelated revenge, and that's about all the sense this film makes. Lighting, sound, camera work, editing -- they're all impossibly awful. Group shots are posed like family portraits, and no less than five people talk simultaneously. But note well the final words of an elderly murder victim, which will assuredly enter your daily lexicon: "Awwwwww shit."

This atrocious turd was brought to light by Michael Adams, in his great bad movie book, "Showgirls, Teen Wolves, and Astro Zombies: A Film Critic's Year-Long Quest to Find the Worst Movie Ever Made". You know you're in trouble within seconds as the misspelled prologue skewers the logic center of your brain. And it's only downhill from there.