As it is (kinda) said in "The Big Lebowski", "Sometimes there's a movie, and sometimes there's a movie." This is that movie. 1989's "Las Vegas Bloodbath" is an astonishing mess, with bipolar pacing that would humble Gary Busey. The story (a term to be used loosely) starts with a real estate agent landing an important deal. Arriving home to share the story with his lady, he finds her in an awful wig in sexual congress with another man. Almost instantly, he turns from humble businessman to giggly maniac. After dispatching them both and removing his wife's head, he (plus the head) drives to Las Vegas to continue his rampage, concentrating mostly on hapless hookers.
Ordinarily, this movie would be a joy, but it is so amateurishly executed (sorry), that it is rendered impossible to like. At one point, the killer stalks a woman at her home, where she is inexplicably hosting an entire women's oil wrestling team. They chat F O R E V E R until the killer manages to do away with his target in a most vile way. We didn't make it through the rest of the film -- we recommend you don't even start.
Here is a particularly cogent vignette from this titanic dud:
*UPDATE* -- Online presale tickets are sold out! We will have a limited number of seats available at the door the night of the show, so be there early to get 'em!
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Hello again, HMN faithful -
We've been dutifully sprinkling our crop of bad movies (we won't say with what), and yet another turdblossom is ready to be plucked. Get ready to have your rights read by "Psycho Cop 2"! Our special guests for the show are the movie's director,writer, and star, Adam Rifkin, Dan Povenmire, and Bobby Ray Shafer!
Produced at the nadir of the slasher film franchise boom, 1993's "Psycho Cop 2" (a.k.a. "Psycho Cop Returns") features the second coming of Satan-worshipping rogue cop Joe Vickers. Upon overhearing plans for an after-work bachelor party from two office drones, Officer Vickers makes it his mission to punish all involved, guilty of a crime or no. What follows is a nudie bloodbath of hilarious proportions.
There's enough cheese here to feed the entire Fraternal Order of Police, and still have plenty of leftovers to re-roof the HMN HQ. Bobby Ray Shafer, as the mentally-unbalanced title character, equally dispenses ridiculous one-liners and death joyously. The acting is bad, boobs and butts abound gratuitously, and the bachelor party stag film must be seen to not be believed.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Saturday, May 21st, 2011 8PM (doors 7:15) The Complex Theater 6476 Santa Monica Blvd. Hollywood, Calif. 90038 $10. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
HMN is very happy to welcome special guests Adam Rifkin, Dan Povenmire, and Officer Joe Vickers himself, Bobby Ray Shaferto our May show. Adam Rifkin (who directed this film under a pseudonym) has since directed "The Chase","Mousehunt", "Detroit Rock City", and his most recent film, "Look". He is especially renowned for his cult classic, "The Dark Backward". Dan Povenmire is an award-winning animation director, and co-creator of the monster hit for Disney, "Phineas & Ferb". Bobby Ray has a storied career in film & TV, with his recent turn as Bob Vance in "The Office" being a highlight (not to mention his roles in the Asylum "Mega Shark" series, which tickle us most here at HMN). They will all revisit the past with us, and atone for their cinematic sins at a Q & A after the film.
To add extra pepper to the show, the fabulous Omelettes will provide improv based on the movie. There will also be drinks available (with various powers) and fresh-baked brownies (sorry, no powers).
Our last show sold very briskly, so do not miss out! This will be a popular show. Show up early to get tickets at the door. There will be prizes for the best riffs yelled out during the show. Fire only your funniest synapses, and you may be a winner!
So comply with everything the nice officer says, and join us for a horrible evening of awesomeness.
Spring has brought us all an extra hour of daylight, which we at HMN have squandered searching for more of the worst movies never seen. For April, we will present an especially taxing (get it?) film, and another special guest -- Jay Thomas will be present at the show, along with a movie his Emmy awards can't save him from: "The Adventures of Ragtime".
1998 saw the arrival of this hilarious turd -- think "Home Alone" with a talking Shetland pony. Ragtime (the horse in question) lives with a pleasant family, and is taken care of by 10 year-old Barkley (despite his name, he's a boy, not a dog). When Ragtime is kidnapped by two opportunistic & bumbling crooks, the FBI gets involved in the horse's disappearance. But it turns out the little horse can take care of himself, and puts the fledgling kidnappers through the ringer.
This movie is a cheesy jaw-dropper. The jokes are telegraphed, the kids are awful actors, and the animals -- oh, the animals. Every animal "talks" in this movie. We found out that the producers originally did not intend for them to speak, and added the voices in post. We're glad they did, as it makes "Adventures of Ragtime" extra awesome.
As HMN movies go, it's star-studded. The bumbling crooks are played by Shelley Long, and our special guest for this show, Jay Thomas. You know him from "Mr. Holland's Opus", "Murphy Brown", and his awesome Sirius/XM radio program. Jay will be on hand for a Q & A after the movie!
As always, we count on YOU to supply the commentary, snarky remarks, catcalls, and general funniness that make a rotten movie into a hysterical classic. You may even walk home with a prize for one of the best riffs of the evening, but only if you are funny and timely, so choose your weapons wisely.
Halfway through, and also at the end of the film, the Omelettes improv troupe will break the fourth wall with scenes based on the movie. These guys are fantastic -- get to know them better on their Facebook page. We will have brownies (regular strength) and drinks (extra strength) available in the lobby.
So jump on your Shetland, and spread the horrible word! Grab a ticket, get on our mailing list, and stalk us on Facebook & Twitter. We'll look forward to seeing you at the theater!
The most surprising thing about "Killer Workout" is it was one of two health club-themed slasher movies (the other being "Death Spa" with Johnny Slash himself, Merritt Buttrick). But it most certainly is the worse of the pair. Beyond that, there ain't much else surprising here.
Also known as "Aerobicide", this turkey features a killer haunting a health club. Instead of workout programs, this club seems only to feature music videos with hilariously heaving bodies clad in awesome 80s spandex. And the weapon of choice when the killer starts dispatching said bodies? A giant safety pin. Yowza.
The creators of HMN favorite, "Deadly Prey" are behind this one, but brought along very little of the same genius. This one will truly exercise your patience.
We've been using the late winter thaw to our advantage, overturning mossy rocks and rotting logs looking for more of the worst movies you've never heard of. And this month, we've found a white truffle.
It's "Lethal Premonition" -- a 2003 gem so bad, it isn't even on IMDB! We weren't even sure this movie existed until we finally scored a copy. It is the story of Jackie, a fashion designer who has persistent visions of various girls being attacked. When real-life disappearances start happening, and getting no help from the police nor her imbecilic boyfriend, she starts investigating on her own. Teaming up with a disgraced cop and a bemulleted psychic, Jackie attempts to track down the mysterious attacker.
This movie is all kinds of bad. We love that the identity of the villain is given away on the back of the DVD box. It's shot on a camcorder (like HMN favorite, "Suburban Sasquatch"), cinching its no-budget look. The acting is astonishingly terrible. Every scene at the police station is a joy to behold -- the actors playing cops make Jack Webb look like Sir Laurence Olivier. And what is a HMN movie without boobs! In this case, the main actress has a modest bosom, but her body double is jarringly stacked!
The best part of March's HMN is one of the stars of the movie will be in attendance: our own sassy Omelette ingredient, Natalia Reagan! Yes, she appeared in this film in one of her first roles. Natalia will answer your questions at a Q & A after the movie.
Make sure to get your butt to the theater early, as this'll be a popular show. As always, we will be featuring The Omelettes, whose improv will only accelerate the burn this movie will most definitely leave upon your soul. Friend them on Facebook, and in real life! There will be prizes for the best riffs yelled out during the show. Fire only your funniest synapses, and you may be a winner!
Friend us, follow us, recommend us in any actual/virtual way, and of course, come join us down at the theater in delightful Hollywood! We'll look forward (get it?) to seeing you.
Ever wonder who would win a fight between a blender and a movie script? Wonder no further, because "Ax 'Em" is the answer! This ultra-low budget slasher film (supposedly it cost $650. to make) has members of a black fraternity taking a road trip to stay in creepy mansion. A killer is loose in search of some sort of unrelated revenge, and that's about all the sense this film makes. Lighting, sound, camera work, editing -- they're all impossibly awful. Group shots are posed like family portraits, and no less than five people talk simultaneously. But note well the final words of an elderly murder victim, which will assuredly enter your daily lexicon: "Awwwwww shit."
HMN has polluted the screen nineteen times at its show so far. Are you a curious newcomer interested in what we've previously shown? Are you a HMN vet wanting to relive the pain? Well, then peruse our eternally damned movies -- never to make it into movie heaven, but will party in movie hell.
The Executioner Part 2 Memorial Valley Massacre The Witching Suburban Sasquatch Santa with Muscles Guns of El Chupacabra Iced Terror in Beverly Hills Microwave Massacre The Meateater Alien Vs. Hunter Deadly Prey Twister's Revenge Alien Warrior Uninvited The Lost Idol Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny/Magic Christmas Tree Zombie Lake Sorceress
As it is (kinda) said in "The Big Lebowski", "Sometimes there's a movie, and sometimes there's a movie." This is that movie. 1989's "Las Vegas Bloodbath" is an astonishing mess, with bipolar pacing that would humble Gary Busey. The story (a term to be used loosely) starts with a real estate agent landing an important deal. Arriving home to share the story with his lady, he finds her in an awful wig in sexual congress with another man. Almost instantly, he turns from humble businessman to giggly maniac. After dispatching them both and removing his wife's head, he (plus the head) drives to Las Vegas to continue his rampage, concentrating mostly on hapless hookers.
