In the case of "Alien Vs. Hunter" -- guilty of being awesomely awful!

Hey gang -

We're back somewhat soon with another show, and it's another HMN first -- our first widescreen movie! Before you yell, "Sellout!", know that we wouldn't temporarily abandon our beloved VHS without a good reason. That reason is 2007's "Alien Vs. Hunter".

This mockbuster attempts to emulate the success (?) of "Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem", and lucky for all of us, it stumbles & bumbles like a Charlie Chaplin impersonator. The story centers around Lee (played by "Greatest American Hero" star William Katt), a floundering writer who happens upon a crashed UFO. Once it's found to be chock full o' alien hostility, he gathers up some of the townsfolk to make a stand. It soon becomes clear there are two alien forces in town, bent on destroying each other and any other meat bags in their way. Who will be victorious -- alien, human, or neither?



It's a staggeringly wonderful film. It has occupied space in the IMDB Bottom 100 list practically since it's been released. By their own admission, the filmmakers have said they rarely did more than two takes for each scene -- and boy, does it show. The actors get lost from each other in the editing, the dialogue is bizarre, and the special effects are, well -- special. It also stars Dedee Pfeiffer, Michelle Pfeiffer's sister. However, it's William Katt's acting that takes the cake. You will see why he was once on the short list to play Luke Skywalker.

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Saturday, June 5th, 2010
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - Flight Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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We've bounced back upstairs to the Flight Theater, so make sure to follow the signs, and look for us up there this month. The theater will fill up quickly, so git yer butt down there EARLY -- it's the only way to guarantee a seat. We'll ply your will with beer, wine, soft drinks, and brownies. Y'know, so it won't sting so much.

Our beloved Omelettes will take the stage halfway through the film, and improv the heck outta you. And we're counting on YOU to exercise your funny muscles and bring your best one-liners to roast this turkey. You may just win a prize at the end of the show!

This month's HMN is brought to you by our good pals at The Asylum. If you've ever switched on SyFy late at night, you've probably caught one of their magnum opuses. We're very glad to have them aboard -- go check out their site to see previews of upcoming films, and perhaps buy a hat, mug, or DVD!

Make sure to get cozy with our Facebook page, hop on to us on Twitter, and get on our mailing list if you ain't already. So chose Team Alien or Team Hunter, and we'll see you at the theater! Thanks for your support!

Fondly,

HMN

Thanks for the May meatiness!

Hello folks -

Well, you did it again -- you all made our screening of "The Meateater" meaty, meaty great! It was a killer show all around. We also thank HMN's very first special guest, Richard Nathan, who acted in the film. He was a great sport, a treat to have onstage, and made a great evening even better. If you'd like to know more about the man, visit his site, and see him act in a recent video.

We also want to thank our good pals at Candy Warehouse, our sponsor for the show. Check 'em out for the best candy site out there (a great source for nostalgic candy, too).










We'll be back Saturday, June 5th for our next show, featuring "Alien Vs. Hunter". More details soon. Hope to see you all again!

Luff,

HMN

Sponsored this month by MEAT!

Hello, stalwart HMNauts -

A summer's worth of blockbusters will soon be anointed upon the feet of the moviegoing public, so since nature abhors a vacuum, we have an onslaught of Horrible Movies all set to play counterpoint for the next few months. Next up is 1979's horror movie fumble, "The Meateater".

A jaw-dropping mess, this is the story of Mitford Webster, a hapless shoe salesman who dreams of one day owning a movie theater. Just his rotten luck the one he finally purchases comes equipped with its own psycho killer in the attic! When people start turning up dead, the corpulent police department is no match for the acumen of the slow-moving slayer. Will Mitford and his plucky family survive to serve another bag of stale popcorn?

Even for us at HMN, this one took our breath away. The guy playing Mitford is quite possibly the worst (therefore absolutely delightful) actor we've ever seen. No one ever has ever pronounced the word "theater" finer. The character names are fantastic (Detective Wombat? Really?), and dialogue clunks to the floor as soon as it is uttered. The color is so bad that it looks like the film has been sitting in a sun-bleached window for a few months.

And then there's the meat.

Supposedly, the filmmakers ran out of money, and appealed to the California Pork Board for help. In exchange, there are many incongruous references to meat -- the benefits of breakfast sausages are extolled, the Oscar Mayer wiener song is sung, and Detective Wombat chomps incessantly on beef jerky. "The Meateater" is an insane joy.

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Saturday, May 15th, 2010
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - East Theater
6468 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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The movie will be served up by your host, Tom Winkler, creator of doodie.com, and I'm Not Insane. Adding spices will be The Omelettes, who will improv their way into your tummies by way of your heart. If you survive the movie, you may win a prize for the absolute best comments yelled out during the show. Bring your A game, people -- we want to hear comedy gems. There will be a spectrum of drinks available, as well as freshly-baked brownies, the quietest movie snack ever. And there will be a special surprise guest -- a HMN first!

We are in a new theater this month -- the East Theater is still part of The Complex, but has its own entrance at 6468 Santa Monica Blvd. Please ARRIVE EARLY! We have limited seating, and it filled up quickly last time. Thanks again for your support, tell a friend, join our various lists, and we'll see you at the theater!

HMN

Ding! Your April HMN is ready!

Every once in a while here at HMN headquarters, we discover a movie so stunningly staggeringly bad, it surprises even us. That movie is our latest cinematic Hindenburg, 1983's "Microwave Massacre". It's the tragic tale of Donald, a lowly dipshit who works construction, who is tormented by the overly fancy meals prepared by his gourmet cook wife, May. One drunken night, he can't take another chicken cordon bleu, so he whacks her and eats her (!). From that point on, he sates his taste for human flesh by picking up various women for take-out.

The lead role is played by Jackie Vernon, the voice of Frosty the Snowman in the beloved Rankin/Bass classic cartoon. You'll never hear, "Happy Birthday" the same way ever again. You also get the rubberiest severed body parts, the gigantic-est microwave oven, and the porniest of 70s funk soundtracks. Not to mention gratuitous 80s boobage (the trailer below is NSFW)!

The comedy is psychotic, the horror is hysterical, the script is ludicrous, and the direction is baffling. This one truly smacked our gob, and we cordially dare you to join us to send up this masterpiece.

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Saturday, April 10, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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This month's show is being brought to you with the support of our pals at Anthem Pictures -- visit their site to see the plethora of great films they have available!

The Omelettes will be on hand to perform improv halfway through the picture, and take the film out to the woodshed at the end. Your host is Tom Winkler, creator of doodie.com, and the brand-new I'm Not Insane. He will guide you all through this month's movie like a swan boat through a Tunnel of Love.

You will also be competing for prizes honoring the funniest quips shouted out during the movie -- this movie ain't gonna riff itself! We'll have all manner of drinks available, plus freshly-baked brownies! Come down early to insure a spot. We have very limited seating! Follow us on Facebook & Twitter, and sign up for updates at horriblemovie@pacbell.net, if you haven't already. Bring a friend or two, and come on down! We'll look forward to seeing you & thanks for the support.

Ding!

HMN's host -- insane, or not?

Our amazing host, Tom Winkler, has embarked upon another Web mission (in addition to his previous & ongoing adventures Doodie.com and Don't Whack Your Boss). This time, it's I'm Not Insane -- a place to prove your sanity to the world, and win a t-shirt while you're at it! Here's an explanation in Tom's own words:

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Hello. I'm Tom. The creator of doodie.com.
People have called me insane for years.
Well I'm not. I'm not insane.

Do you feel the same way?
Would you like to join me in sharing
this safety evoking message with the masses?

Every weekday we will post several photographs from around the planet.
Pictures of you, proclaiming your utter lack of insanity.

Friends and strangers alike will have the opportunity to vote for
whomever seems the most 'not insane' and we'll announce
the winner every night at midnight New York time.
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This looks promising, folks -- the not-insane among us now have a voice! Go visit, win, and wear your shirt proudly!

Putting the turd in Saturday, it's March's Horrible Movie Night!

It can now be unleashed!

The March HMN film is 1989's, "Terror in Beverly Hills". This amazingly inept and stupefying actioner stars Frank Stallone as -- get this -- Hack Stone, a retired Special Forces soldier now running a martial arts studio. When the President's daughter, while shopping in Beverly Hills, is kidnapped by terrorists, Hack is mobilized to get her back. The leader of the terrorist organization has a score to settle with Hack, so he ups the ante by kidnapping Hack's family. Now it's on like a Toyota gas pedal.

The ridiculousness in this movie knows no bounds. An eight year-old with an Etch-A-Sketch could write a more cogent plot, although that movie wouldn't be half as hilarious. We are treated to superlative stereotypes in a strip bar, the world's worst TV anchor broadcasting from what looks like a janitor's closet, and the President's colorful kaleidoscope of telephones. There are flubbed takes, clunky ad-libs, and stilted ADR -- none of which made it to the cutting room floor where it belongs. Truly, it's a jawdropper!

This movie also reunites Cameron Mitchell, and William Smith, two veterans of many Z-grade films, who previously appeared together in October '09's HMN, "Memorial Valley Massacre". But it's Frank Stallone's picture, and he's pure gold with every word that muscles its way out of his mouth.



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Saturday, March 13, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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Your HMN improv team, The Omelettes, will be on hand to spank the film heartily throughout the evening, and your host, Tom Winkler, creator of doodie.com, and Don't Whack Your Boss, will dreamily MC you to heaven.

Seating is limited, so get yourself down to the theater early before we sell out our seats! We are back downstairs in the Dorie Theater (in the main lobby), so you can't miss us. Seriously, don't miss us! We will have drinks, some containing alcohol, for sale along with snacks.

We'll have prizes for the top quotable quotes yelled out during the show! Get on our mailing list (horriblemovie@pacbell.net), or Facebook, or Twitter if you ain't already. We'll keep an eye out for you -- come one down!

HMN

You'll go snowblind watching this month's movie!

Happy February, HMN friends!

As part of our outreach program to help you all get through the corporate obligation that is Valentine's Day (the day, not the movie -- although you may need counseling for that, too), we offer this month's horrible movie -- the 1988 ski slope slasher, "Iced".

This stinker takes place at a ski resort, where a gaggle of idiots (who are almost always photographed like they're posing for a group photo) take in some skiing, drinking, and shtupping. When one of the fellas loses his girl to a rival, he vows revenge and angrily takes to the slopes, dying in the process. Or does he --? Four years later, the same group is mysteriously invited to a time-share ski weekend, where they are picked off by a ski-masked killer. Hmmmmm.

The screenplay was written by one of the actors (his first and last), and it also features Lisa Loring, who played Wednesday Adams in the original "Addams Family" TV series, who gives us some serious nakedity. What would Cousin Itt say?

There's some wonderful ridiculousness in this film: a man not able to find reverse on his car, nude cocaine use, a clairvoyant real estate developer, and the most hilarious carrot eating scene in the history of film.

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Saturday, February 20, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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As always, the killer Omelettes will perform improv at the halfway mark of the movie, and during the end credits. Your host is Tom Winkler, creator of doodie.com, and Don'tWhackYourBoss.com -- he will lovingly guide you through this cinematic sweat lodge.

We sold out last month's show, so if you want a seat, show your ass up early! It's limited seating. We will be upstairs at the Flight theater this month -- there'll be plenty of signage to guide you there. Beer, wine, water, and all manner of treats will be available at our horrible concession stand.

And there will be prizes awarded for the best quotes yelled out during the performance. Get on our mailing list (horriblemovie@pacbell.net), or Facebook, or Twitter if you ain't already. We'll look for you at the theater!