Monday, October 15, 2012

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit K -- "Attack of the Beast Creatures"

It's another missive featuring the greatest misses of movies we've vetted for HMN.  This edition spotlights 1985's "Attack of the Beast Creatures."

This was a close one -- it's got everything we crave in a good/bad movie: terrible acting, non-existent special effects, awful monsters, and lots of dead space for audience mockery.  The story follows a group of shipwrecked survivors circa 1920 who land on a semi-tropical island (which looks remarkably like South Florida).  Soon after, mysterious and deadly events befall the unfortunate group.  Fresh water intermittently turns into flesh-melting acid, and scores of remarkably inanimate foot-tall monsters attack from the forest to munch on the humans.  The survivors do their best to escape their plight and the island, but are summarily picked off as they fend off the title characters.  It's embarrassing to be killed by evil Troll dolls with G.I. Joe kung-fu grip arm action.

It was just a smidge too slow to unleash upon a discriminating HMN audience.  As much as it is, we have a reputation to uphold.

"Attack of the Beast Creatures" is like "Lost" as experienced through a fogged-up old-timey diving helmet.  You'll feel like you have the bends watching this movie.  That said, here it is in its entirety -- watch only if like wooden acting and wooden puppets.

Our next HMN will be Saturday, November 17th at the fabu NerdMelt Showroom, featuring improv from Love Jet.  Movie info to be declassified soon!



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