Ding! Your April HMN is ready!

Every once in a while here at HMN headquarters, we discover a movie so stunningly staggeringly bad, it surprises even us. That movie is our latest cinematic Hindenburg, 1983's "Microwave Massacre". It's the tragic tale of Donald, a lowly dipshit who works construction, who is tormented by the overly fancy meals prepared by his gourmet cook wife, May. One drunken night, he can't take another chicken cordon bleu, so he whacks her and eats her (!). From that point on, he sates his taste for human flesh by picking up various women for take-out.

The lead role is played by Jackie Vernon, the voice of Frosty the Snowman in the beloved Rankin/Bass classic cartoon. You'll never hear, "Happy Birthday" the same way ever again. You also get the rubberiest severed body parts, the gigantic-est microwave oven, and the porniest of 70s funk soundtracks. Not to mention gratuitous 80s boobage (the trailer below is NSFW)!

The comedy is psychotic, the horror is hysterical, the script is ludicrous, and the direction is baffling. This one truly smacked our gob, and we cordially dare you to join us to send up this masterpiece.

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Saturday, April 10, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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This month's show is being brought to you with the support of our pals at Anthem Pictures -- visit their site to see the plethora of great films they have available!

The Omelettes will be on hand to perform improv halfway through the picture, and take the film out to the woodshed at the end. Your host is Tom Winkler, creator of doodie.com, and the brand-new I'm Not Insane. He will guide you all through this month's movie like a swan boat through a Tunnel of Love.

You will also be competing for prizes honoring the funniest quips shouted out during the movie -- this movie ain't gonna riff itself! We'll have all manner of drinks available, plus freshly-baked brownies! Come down early to insure a spot. We have very limited seating! Follow us on Facebook & Twitter, and sign up for updates at horriblemovie@pacbell.net, if you haven't already. Bring a friend or two, and come on down! We'll look forward to seeing you & thanks for the support.

Ding!

HMN's host -- insane, or not?

Our amazing host, Tom Winkler, has embarked upon another Web mission (in addition to his previous & ongoing adventures Doodie.com and Don't Whack Your Boss). This time, it's I'm Not Insane -- a place to prove your sanity to the world, and win a t-shirt while you're at it! Here's an explanation in Tom's own words:

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Hello. I'm Tom. The creator of doodie.com.
People have called me insane for years.
Well I'm not. I'm not insane.

Do you feel the same way?
Would you like to join me in sharing
this safety evoking message with the masses?

Every weekday we will post several photographs from around the planet.
Pictures of you, proclaiming your utter lack of insanity.

Friends and strangers alike will have the opportunity to vote for
whomever seems the most 'not insane' and we'll announce
the winner every night at midnight New York time.
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This looks promising, folks -- the not-insane among us now have a voice! Go visit, win, and wear your shirt proudly!

Putting the turd in Saturday, it's March's Horrible Movie Night!

It can now be unleashed!

The March HMN film is 1989's, "Terror in Beverly Hills". This amazingly inept and stupefying actioner stars Frank Stallone as -- get this -- Hack Stone, a retired Special Forces soldier now running a martial arts studio. When the President's daughter, while shopping in Beverly Hills, is kidnapped by terrorists, Hack is mobilized to get her back. The leader of the terrorist organization has a score to settle with Hack, so he ups the ante by kidnapping Hack's family. Now it's on like a Toyota gas pedal.

The ridiculousness in this movie knows no bounds. An eight year-old with an Etch-A-Sketch could write a more cogent plot, although that movie wouldn't be half as hilarious. We are treated to superlative stereotypes in a strip bar, the world's worst TV anchor broadcasting from what looks like a janitor's closet, and the President's colorful kaleidoscope of telephones. There are flubbed takes, clunky ad-libs, and stilted ADR -- none of which made it to the cutting room floor where it belongs. Truly, it's a jawdropper!

This movie also reunites Cameron Mitchell, and William Smith, two veterans of many Z-grade films, who previously appeared together in October '09's HMN, "Memorial Valley Massacre". But it's Frank Stallone's picture, and he's pure gold with every word that muscles its way out of his mouth.



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Saturday, March 13, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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Your HMN improv team, The Omelettes, will be on hand to spank the film heartily throughout the evening, and your host, Tom Winkler, creator of doodie.com, and Don't Whack Your Boss, will dreamily MC you to heaven.

Seating is limited, so get yourself down to the theater early before we sell out our seats! We are back downstairs in the Dorie Theater (in the main lobby), so you can't miss us. Seriously, don't miss us! We will have drinks, some containing alcohol, for sale along with snacks.

We'll have prizes for the top quotable quotes yelled out during the show! Get on our mailing list (horriblemovie@pacbell.net), or Facebook, or Twitter if you ain't already. We'll keep an eye out for you -- come one down!

HMN