With so many wonderful things to look forward to in 2012 (Mayan apocalypse, presidential election -- wait, are they the same thing?), it is our bound duty to provide you succor in the form of the worst movies on the planet. Allow us to start the year off wrong with the anthemic anthology, 1985's "Night Train to Terror".
Not unlike "Creepshow" or "Cat's Eye" in format, "Night Train to Terror" offers three cautionary tales of horror. But unlike the aforementioned films, this movie is like a Jamba Juice of horrifying ingredients and putrefying infusions -- in other words, a Jamba Juice. The frame story takes place on a train, and has God and Satan (and, inexplicably, an 80s synth rock band busted out in full song) bargaining for recently departed human souls. To illustrate their debate, the lives of each of the three people are played out through the train car's window. As you might expect, each person's life is chock-full of dramatic horror and bizarre situations (mental institution, a "death club", etc.).
"Night Train to Terror" was cut together from three other movies, "Cataclysm", "Carnival of Fools", and "Scream Your Head Off", the latter having never been completed. The final product is so impossibly disjointed, and hilariously so. This one has it all -- stop-motion puppets, exploding heads, shirtless fights, and abuse of popcorn. Two of the sequences star Richard Moll, of "Night Court" fame, in two very disparate roles. Also starring is Cameron Mitchell, one of our favorite actors who's appeared in previous HMN films, "Memorial Valley Massacre", "Deadly Prey", and "Terror in Beverly Hills". "Night Train to Terror" is a real rollercoaster, and thankfully it never lets up, even after you barf and lose all the change in your pockets. Here's the trailer (NSFW, on account of boobs):
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Saturday, January 21st, 2012
8PM (Doors 7:15PM)
6468 Santa Monica Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90038
$10.
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Tickets are on sale now now now -- click at this link, or on the image below to purchase. For this performance, we have moved to the East Theater -- still part of the Complex, just two doors down from the lobby entrance.
As always, the fine folks that are The Omelettes will provide scathing improv & laughitude during the evening. But of course, the real star of HMN is you! The machine of HMN is powered by your hilarious comments throughout the evening -- do it superatively, and you can walk home with a prize (and yes, we make you walk home).
Don't forget to join us on Facebook, Twitter, Google, and our mailing list -- you'll stay informed on what's awful cinematically. Hope to see you at the theater!
Toot toot,
HMN
Toot toot,
