It's our 3rd birthday! Come celebrate with a secret movie we've been forbidden to show!

It's Horrible Movie Night's third birthday!  

That's a lot of movies we've riffed, roasted, and summarily eviscerated with you.  Over the years, we've been fortunate to have loyal fans, great improv, and terrific guest actors & directors.  You guys are the best -- damned funny people all.  But of course, we ain't goin' out all sappy Hallmark birthday style.  It's in our DNA to bring the horribleness, especially to a birthday (don't ask what happened at Nana's 78th).

To celebrate, we will be presenting a special secret movie.  Showing this film could quite possibly expose us to lawsuits, public censure, and grevious bodily harm, but it will definitely result in extreme hilarity.  We've dared not show this gobsmackingly hilarious turd up until now, and we promise you'll be glad we did.  Wish we could tell you more -- you simply cannot miss it!

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Friday, October 5th, 2012

9PM (doors 8:30)

NerdMelt Theater

7522 Sunset Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90046

$8 in advance ($10 at the door)

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Please note that we have a new start time for this show at NerdMelt -- the terror will begin at 9PM.  That gives you a little while extra to weave your way through the truly horrible L.A. traffic.  But do guarantee a seat for yourself by buying a ticket early at the link.  And they're cheaper if you get 'em in advance, so do it!

We will have improv as always, and special birthday gifts to give away for the best one-liners of the night.  We'll be featuring some of HMN's best-of-the-worst moments in the weeks before the show, including some caption contests where you can win a free ticket to the show!  

This is gonna be super epic.  Make sure to keep up with us on Facebook, Twitter, and our email list.  Be there to experience this movie before it rips the roof off your house and eats you whole.

Luff,

HMN

Save the date! It's HMN's third birthday!

Can you believe it?

Three years is a lot of lousy movies.  We couldn't be happier to have brought you the show for this long.  So from now until October 5th, we'll be featuring some of our favorite moments from our run so far, along with a couple caption contests.  And of course, there will be details for the show at NerdMelt, including about the secret movie we'll be presenting.

Stay tuned via Facebook and Twitter, thanks for being there, and plan on more rotten cinema!

HMN

To hell with back-to-school -- come celebrate Spring Break with "Nightmare Beach"!

Surf's up, bad movie fans!

If you're like us, then nothing says September like Spring Break!  OK, you're not like us, and that's a good thing because our neighbors don't look us in the eye anymore.  The point is that we've found a lovely lousy movie to make you dream of partying in South Florida on bath salts: 1988's "Nightmare Beach".

Also known as "Welcome to Spring Break", this terrific turd is a slasher flick set against the debaucherous background of Manatee Beach in Ft. Lauderdale.  Diablo, the leader of a violent biker gang, is executed, but not before vowing to return for revenge.  Just as the throngs of college kids arrive in town, Diablo's body disappears from its grave, and people start to show up dead at the hands of a mysterious helmet-clad motorcyclist.  Two college knuckleheads get pulled into the mix, and start their own investigation, running afoul of bikers and cops alike.  Add in a romance with a tough-as-nails bartender chick, and you got yourself a spring sandwich of awesome.

The film was directed by horrormeister Umberto Lenzi, under the pseudonym Harry Kirkpatrick (you wouldn't want to use your real name, either), and stars John Saxon (featured in another nightmare: "Nightmare on Elm Street") as the take-no-shit police chief.  The soundtrack has more heavy metal than a Superfund site, and the acting is as bad as the movie's bikini contests.  "Nightmare Beach" is a wonderful cheesefest.

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Thursday, September 6th, 2012

8PM (doors 7:30)

NerdMelt Theater

7522 Sunset Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90046

$8 in advance ($10 at the door)

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The film is in English, but perhaps to prevent English speakers to viewing it, there's no English trailer.  The funniest one we could find is in German, so enjoy:

Come escape the heat in NerdMelt's air-conditioned theater, and get your tickets in advance at a discount.  You can even score a free admission to our show if you enter our Horrible Movie Caption contest -- write the funniest caption to a still of this month's movie, and you'll win a free ticket!  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter to keep updated on when the contest begins.

So wax your board (just not in the theater) and join us on Sept. 6th at NerdMelt!

Chug chug chug,

HMN

P.S. - Check out the killer theme song Nerf Herder frontman and internet sensation Parry Gripp wrote for us!

There is no epidural strong enough to endure the labor of "Hercules"!

Ahoy, HMN fans -

For this month's entry into our pantheon of dreck, we seriously contemplated writing only one sentence to entice you to visit with us: "Have you ever seen someone throw a bear into outer space?"  As great as that sentence is (and it does happen in the movie, BTW), we felt we owe to it ourselves to explain the hilarious nightmare that is 1983's "Hercules".

The classic tale of the Greek superman is updated (for 1983 anyway) with a boatload of cheesy special effects, stop-motion animation, and Lou Ferrigno's pulsating muscles.  Instead of twelve labors, this particular Hercules must travel hither and yon at the whim of the gods, mostly in pursuit of the fair Cassiopeia.  In trying to avoid death from both mortal and divine hands, Hercules fights all manner of foes (including mechanical monsters), visits Atlantis AND Hell, and rides an interstellar chariot powered by a rock.

Story is quite secondary in this movie -- maybe thirdly or lastly, actually.  Of much more importance is Lou's heaving pecs, as well as the eternal movie babe Sybil Danning's heaving pecs.  We also have a droning narrator, who takes us from the creation of the universe on through the entirety of the film.  Another highlight is Daedalus, who from her outpost on the moon, shows off small versions of the mechanical monsters she plans to use to doom Hercules -- they are the actual stop-motion models used in the movie.  At one point, another god asks her, "Can you make them bigger?"  And of course, there's that space bear.

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Thursday, August 2nd, 2012

8PM (doors 7:30)

NerdMelt Theater

7522 Sunset Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90046

$8 in advance ($10 at the door)

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As hot as this movie is, it won't be hot in the newly-air-conditioning-laden NerdMelt Theater.  Get your tickets in advance, and you will receive a discount!  We will also be offering a free ticket to the show in our new Horrible Movie Caption contest -- write the funniest caption to a still of this month's movie, and you'll get in free!  Follow us on Facebook and Twitter to keep updated on when the contest begins.

Those interstellar bears of improv, The Omelettes, will grace the stage once again at HMN, creating scenes based on the movie and your suggestions.  But of course, the star of the evening is you!  Regale us with your funny bon mots and you could win a prize.  BYOB and guarantee you'll be funnier.

Get on our mailing list, get a ticket, and on August 2nd, get in our audience!  See you then!

Grunt,

HMN

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit J -- "Without Warning"

Bam!

Without warning, it's another entry in our too-bad-to-be-horrible files!

There's nothing like a Greydon Clark flick.  We have previous featured his mutant cat on a yacht picture, "Uninvited", at our theater show, so we were stoked to delve into another in his oeuvre, "Without Warning."

It starts out so promising -- HMN favorite Cameron Mitchell and his son (along on a hunting trip to man up) are dispatched by what can only be described as flying pocket pussies with teeth.  Ick.  There is also a teenage David Caruso (minus the sunglasses) acting a fool in 1980s short shorts.  And how can you resist Jack Palance and Martin Landau trying to out-gruff each other?  Believe it -- or not!


Sadly, it's somewhat joyless in its cheese, going through the motions after the halfway point.  There are indeed plenty of fun moments, though -- watch the entire movie below.  Now you are no longer without a warning.

Info on our August 2nd show soon!

HMN

"Ghosts Can't Do It" but it's fun to watch 'em try!

Boy howdy, HMNers -

Crappy summer to you all!  While we're sure you are anxiously anticipating barbecuing burgers, our mouths water thinking about grilling some terrible films.  And what better meal to serve up than 1989's "Ghosts Can't Do It".

How can you not have magic when you combine Oscar-winner Anthony Quinn, and 80s icon Bo Derek in a comedy about ghosts?  Quite easily, actually.  When Bo's elderly husband kicks the bucket, he decides he's not done boning her, and appears to her a ghost.  They concoct a plan to find a young host body for his ghost to inhabit, allowing him to continue living with her.  So much for "'Til death do us part."  Bo treks from a snowy Wyoming ranch to a tropical paradise to Hong Kong in her pursuits of maintaining her dead husband's business, and cultivating a corpse for him.

It's stunning this movie was marketed as a romantic comedy.  It would imply it would contain romance, unless your idea of romance is an evil ghost barking orders at a horrified woman in a bikini.  As for comedy, everything funny in "Ghosts Can't Do It" is unintentional.  Bo's "sexy" dance at a seaside bar is laughable, as are the reactions from the priest looking on (what is a priest doing in a tropical bar anyway?).  And every conversation Bo has with Ghost Anthony Quinn (she's the only one who can see/hear him, natch) is off-the-chart wonderful, especially when she's screaming at the sky during his funeral.  Director John Derek brought his requisite misogyny in metric tons, and even bamboozled Julie Newmar to perform in the film (along with a surprise cameo from a former businessman/current reality TV star).

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Monday, July 2nd, 2012

8PM (doors 7:30)

NerdMelt Theater

7522 Sunset Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90046

$8 in advance ($10 at the door)

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We're launching a full-frontal (pun intended) assault on the weekday -- Monday will never know what hit it.  Our command center will once again be the glorious NerdMelt Theater.  Get your tickets in advance at this link, and you get 'em cheaper than at the door.

Of course, HMN wouldn't be HMN without your riffs!  The funniest one-liner of the night will win a prize, so bring out your best laser-focused jokes to bathe in the glory reserved only for victors.  We'll also have the improv loveliness of The Omelettes, who will create scenes based on the movie, and your suggestions.  BYOB and everything will be extra funny.  Do it!

Keep up with our antics on Facebook, Twitter, and our email list.  We'll also soon be launching our pre-movie caption contest, so those of you who can't attend our L.A. show can get in on the action.  Stay frosty, kids, and we'll see you at the show!

Boo,

HMN

Bigfoots and zombies and aliens -- oh my! "Demonwarp" is a hat trick of awesome.

Good eve, HMN fans -

As we settle into our new monthly home at NerdMelt, we are redoubling our efforts to bring you the worst movies/best entertainment that you deserve.  And yes, you deserve it -- you know why.  With that in mind, meet your June bride, a little movie from 1988 called "Demonwarp."

How can such a simple horror movie be so nuanced and sublime?  It can't, really.  But if you like your Bigfoot movies on the stony side, pull up a chair.  A short prologue in the late 1880s (not explained) leads us into Demonwood Forest (also unexplained) circa the late 1980s, where a variety of cliché character types abound.  Among them is Bill Crafton (played by George Kennedy), whose daughter has been spirited away by a Bigfoot, and actively hunts the creature.  Meanwhile, a van full of youngsters has arrived for some surprisingly alcohol-free fun in the woods (what's wrong with these kids?).  Once they run afoul of the creature, they are drawn into Crafton's hunt, and take it to its illogical conclusion.  

To say this movie is a train wreck would be an insult to train wrecks -- so little is explained.  Yet, it enhances the enjoyability and bizarreness.  Zombie wearing a Residents t-shirt?  Check.  George Kennedy wearing two different colored socks?  Check.  A lot of girls wearing nothing above the waist?  Double check.  It's an absolute treat, with one of the stupidest and funniest endings to a movie we've ever survived.  You can't see it on DVD, Netflix, or anywhere else, so let's do this.

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Saturday, June 2nd, 2012

8PM (doors 7:30)

NerdMelt Theater

7522 Sunset Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90046

$8 in advance ($10 at the door)

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In addition to your hilarious commentary fueling the lulz throughout the evening, our resident improv troupe The Omelettes will take the stage at various points during the show to create scenes based the film (also with your suggestions).  It all culminates in prizes given out for the best one-liners of the night.  Don't you want one of those people to be you?

Get your tickets in advance through the NerdMelt website, and to guarantee yourself a seat.  Keep up with us on our various online portals: Facebook, Twitter, and our email list.  BYOB to the show as well, cuz we know you're funnier with a brown bag in your hand.  No, really.

See you at the show!

Most Bigfootily yours,

HMN