Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit O: "Lazarus the Legend"

Hi HMNers -

First off, a huge thanks to the awesome crowd of fans that packed our last show at NerdMelt, and our awesome guest, actor Toni Hudson.  It was amazing.  We will be back on Friday, Feb. 13th (Friday the 13th, yo) with another cinematic disaster.  Get on our mailing list, as we are planning a killer guest very soon.  Email listers will get first crack at tickets before we announce to the general public.

Next is another in our ongoing series of movies, for one reason or another, that are just too damned bad for HMN.  This time, we feature "LAZARUS THE LEGEND."  Shot on video in 1991, this oddball kung-fu nightmare was directed by Matt Frazinni in Erie, PA.  It won an award at a local film festival, then disappeared for decades.  Tales of this missing masterpiece were passionately woven in bad movie circles.  Unfortunately, after years of working in local TV, Matt was killed in car crash in 2009.  The family decided to honor his memory by finally releasing "Lazarus" to the public.

The movie's brazen, balls-out action and insanity is jaw-dropping.  Unable to score the movie himself, the director chose to use the music from the original "Star Trek" TV show, with sound effects pulled from Bruce Lee movies.  Your mind might start to warp with the unending kung-fu battles, and the laconic intercuts to the sleepy puppet masters behind the effort to destroy Lazarus.  It's truly a sight to behold.

The awesome folks at Adjust Your Tracking are offering a special edition of the movie in a VHS clamshell.  All profits to the Frazinni family are being donated to a local Pennsylvania animal shelter.  Go check it out!  Here also is a link to view the movie on YouTube.



See you in February!  Get on our email list and you won't miss a horrible thing.

HMN

Spring breakers, Wall Street criminals, and a mutant cat -- you're invited to "UNINVITED"!

Crappy new year!

After a chilled-out vacation, we are back to present a new year's worth of worthless movies.  Let's start 2015 off so-wrong-it's-right with 1988's "Uninvited"!

"Uninvited" is a rollicking, scary voyage aboard a luxury yacht, with the unlikely combo of nubile spring-breakers and criminal venture capitalists. A simple excursion to the Cayman Islands is terrorized by a genetically-mutated cat who kills, at first, only mean people, then indiscriminately. Director Greydon Clark also gave us the videogame sex romp "Joysticks".

It's hilariously bad -- when the cat mutates to attack, a hairball-like creature pops out of its mouth to bite ankles, wrists, and other body parts to a comically bloody effect. It also stars screen legend George Kennedy, who heavily sighs his way through his role as the criminal mastermind's bodyguard.  Other seasoned character actors pop up as well (including Clu Gulager of "Return of the Living Dead").  "Uninvited" is an absolute joy to behold.



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Saturday, January 10th, 2015
9PM (Doors at 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
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As always, you power the show with renewable riffing energy -- give us the best one of the best one-liners of the evening, and you will win a prize.  We will also feature stand-up from JULIA PRESCOTT (Vice, The Aquabats Super Show), special guests from the movie, cheap snacks & drinks, and free popcorn!  So pop your cat allergy pills, and get some cheap tickets now in advance!  Get on our mailing list, and join us in our various internet cavities: Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter.  See you soon, bad movie fans!

Meow,

HMN

"THE CHRISTMAS MARTIAN" is gonna come down your chimney!

Crappy holidaze!

It's time for HMN's holiday figgy pudding with the 1971 kids movie, "The Christmas Martian"!

In this wonderfully & laughably dubbed French-Canadian movie, a Martian lands his UFO in a snowy town.  He is discovered by two kids, whom he quickly befriends by covering them with off-brand M&Ms (not joking).  He proceeds to help them learn to fly with a giant matchstick (again, not joking).  Eventually, the townsfolk get all pitchforky about the interloper, and decide to eradicate him.  Can the kids save their new interplanetary friend?  Here's a clip:



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Saturday, December 13th, 2014
9PM (doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
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Tickets in advance are cheaper than stocking stuffers, so get on that.  We'd love to see & hear you roast this holiday turkey -- there's always prizes for the best one-liners of the evening.  We also have stand-up from TONY SAM and RICKY CARMONA!  It's gonna be great.

Get tickets now, and follow us on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and via our mailing list.  Happy everything!

HMN

Roll up a fat one with "MR. NO LEGS"!

HMNers!

Welcome back to another edition of roasting ridiculous movies!  We have a great one on tap for you this month, going all the way back to 1979 with the amazing insanity of "Mr. No Legs"!

The aforementioned Mr. No is an enforcer for a drug kingpin, and surprisingly good at his job.  In addition to being a kung fu master and a seriously bad dude, he has stainless steel shotguns built into his wheelchair.  When the relative of a police officer dies at the hands of one of the drug operation's flunkies, an investigation begins.  The noose tightens on the drug kingpin, and Mr. No Legs finds himself with shifting priorities.

Not on DVD or Netflix (or even VHS, really), this movie's got it all.  Looking for legless kung fu kicks, bar room brawls, atrophied strip clubs, and someone attacking a Corvette with a sword?  Mr. No Legs has got you covered.


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Saturday, November 8th 2014
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
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Tickets are cheaper in advance, so get on that!  Our show is audience-powered!  Come down to the show, yell out your funniest one-liners, and you could win a prize.  We will also feature stand-up from MOSES STORM, cheap snacks & drinks, and free popcorn!  I mean, come on!

Find us/spread the gospel via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and our mailing list.  Get your tickets, and we'll look forward to seeing you roll in to the show!

HMN

Go seek "HIDER IN THE HOUSE", starring Gary Busey!

Ready or not, here we come!

Thanks to everyone that showed up for our big 5th anniversary show!  We're so stoked to be able to bring these cinematic atrocities to you for so long.  If you haven't been down to a show yet, who better to entice you than the force of nature that is Gary Busey, starring in 1989's "Hider In the House"!  Let's roast!

Gary plays a deranged man who camps out in the attic of a house belonging to a young family, and develops a creepy (is there any other kind?) attachment to them, with deadly results.  To give you an approximation as to the level of ridiculousness in the movie, we need only point you towards the movie poster.  "He's already in" is the tagline, when he is clearly outside.  Thank you again for all you do, windows.

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Saturday, October 11th, 2014

9PM (doors 8:30)

NerdMelt Showroom

7522 Sunset Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90046

Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)

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Grab your tickets now at the link above, then come down and be funny!  You could walk home with a prize, and also walk home with the respect that comes with walking home with a prize.  There will be great stand-up comedy from KATIE CROWN, and ANDREW MICHAAN, plus free popcorn!

Stay tuned with us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, as we will be having caption contests soon where you can win free tickets to the show.  We'll look forward to having you guys in the house.

Boo,

HMN

Celebrate HMN's 5th anniversary with SHARKNADO 2!

Batten down the hatches -

We're having a birthday!  We couldn't think of a better way to celebrate our fifth anniversary than to team up with our pals at The Asylum to bring you our roast of the already-classic "Sharknado 2"!

Fin & April are back, along with new characters, and a gang of celebrity cameos.  The sharks will fly, the chainsaws will slice, and the fun will be brought.

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Saturday, Sept. 6, 2014
9PM (Doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90046
Tickets: $10
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This is going to be a very special night, so you gotta gotta gotta get your tickets early, or you will miss out!  We will have special guests from the movie (to be announced), swag from The Asylum, and birthday presents from us to you.  There will be stand-up from comedian and Sharknado expert DAN TELFER (@midnight, The Onion), plus free popcorn.

That's all in addition to the HMN prizes for the best one-liners of the evening.  You could be a winner if you come ready to roast, and you're a funny mofo.  Get all up in our social media at Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and on our email list.

Let's do this, people -- get tickets right now!

Buzzzzz,

HMN

You can't "BAIL OUT" of the Hoff --

OK, you guys -

The dog days of summer are here, but the dog days are every days for us at HMN as we spend every waking moment searching for that next big bad movie.  Courtesy of the local swap meet, we've just adopted our pooch for August.  Come sniff the butt of 1989's "Bail Out"!

Hasselhoff!  Let's just get that out of the way right off.  Alternately titled, "W.B., Blue, and the Bean", this direct-to-video stinker has the Hoff as part of team of wise-cracking bounty hunters.  They are assigned by their sleazy boss to protect a witness (Linda Blair from "The Exorcist") and make sure she gets to the trial.  Of course, when the Hoff and his buddies insinuate themselves into the situation, things take a turn for the shooty and explodey.  Hasselhoff!  It's wonderfully fine cheese, and quite possibly the most unabashedly racist movie we've ever seen.



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Saturday, August 9th, 2014
9PM (doors 8:30)
NerdMelt Showroom
7522 Sunset Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90046
Tickets: $8. in advance ($10. at the door)
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You know the drill by now -- show up to the theater, yell out your best one-liners at the movie, and you could win a prize if we judge your jokes the best of the evening.  We will also have stand-up from from JOHNNY PEMBERTON (21 & 22 Jump Street, The Kroll Show) & MO WELCH (The Mo Show, Larry Bird Variety Hour)!  NerdMelt was voted best comedy club of 2013 by the LA Weekly, y'know.  Plus free popcorn!  Get those tickets now on the cheap.

Spread the word among all your MST3K/RiffTrax pals, and come live-mock in person!  And get on our email list, while you're at it.  See you at the show!

Hasselhoff!

HMN