HMN's host -- insane, or not?

Our amazing host, Tom Winkler, has embarked upon another Web mission (in addition to his previous & ongoing adventures Doodie.com and Don't Whack Your Boss). This time, it's I'm Not Insane -- a place to prove your sanity to the world, and win a t-shirt while you're at it! Here's an explanation in Tom's own words:

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Hello. I'm Tom. The creator of doodie.com.
People have called me insane for years.
Well I'm not. I'm not insane.

Do you feel the same way?
Would you like to join me in sharing
this safety evoking message with the masses?

Every weekday we will post several photographs from around the planet.
Pictures of you, proclaiming your utter lack of insanity.

Friends and strangers alike will have the opportunity to vote for
whomever seems the most 'not insane' and we'll announce
the winner every night at midnight New York time.
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This looks promising, folks -- the not-insane among us now have a voice! Go visit, win, and wear your shirt proudly!

Putting the turd in Saturday, it's March's Horrible Movie Night!

It can now be unleashed!

The March HMN film is 1989's, "Terror in Beverly Hills". This amazingly inept and stupefying actioner stars Frank Stallone as -- get this -- Hack Stone, a retired Special Forces soldier now running a martial arts studio. When the President's daughter, while shopping in Beverly Hills, is kidnapped by terrorists, Hack is mobilized to get her back. The leader of the terrorist organization has a score to settle with Hack, so he ups the ante by kidnapping Hack's family. Now it's on like a Toyota gas pedal.

The ridiculousness in this movie knows no bounds. An eight year-old with an Etch-A-Sketch could write a more cogent plot, although that movie wouldn't be half as hilarious. We are treated to superlative stereotypes in a strip bar, the world's worst TV anchor broadcasting from what looks like a janitor's closet, and the President's colorful kaleidoscope of telephones. There are flubbed takes, clunky ad-libs, and stilted ADR -- none of which made it to the cutting room floor where it belongs. Truly, it's a jawdropper!

This movie also reunites Cameron Mitchell, and William Smith, two veterans of many Z-grade films, who previously appeared together in October '09's HMN, "Memorial Valley Massacre". But it's Frank Stallone's picture, and he's pure gold with every word that muscles its way out of his mouth.



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Saturday, March 13, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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Your HMN improv team, The Omelettes, will be on hand to spank the film heartily throughout the evening, and your host, Tom Winkler, creator of doodie.com, and Don't Whack Your Boss, will dreamily MC you to heaven.

Seating is limited, so get yourself down to the theater early before we sell out our seats! We are back downstairs in the Dorie Theater (in the main lobby), so you can't miss us. Seriously, don't miss us! We will have drinks, some containing alcohol, for sale along with snacks.

We'll have prizes for the top quotable quotes yelled out during the show! Get on our mailing list (horriblemovie@pacbell.net), or Facebook, or Twitter if you ain't already. We'll keep an eye out for you -- come one down!

HMN

You'll go snowblind watching this month's movie!

Happy February, HMN friends!

As part of our outreach program to help you all get through the corporate obligation that is Valentine's Day (the day, not the movie -- although you may need counseling for that, too), we offer this month's horrible movie -- the 1988 ski slope slasher, "Iced".

This stinker takes place at a ski resort, where a gaggle of idiots (who are almost always photographed like they're posing for a group photo) take in some skiing, drinking, and shtupping. When one of the fellas loses his girl to a rival, he vows revenge and angrily takes to the slopes, dying in the process. Or does he --? Four years later, the same group is mysteriously invited to a time-share ski weekend, where they are picked off by a ski-masked killer. Hmmmmm.

The screenplay was written by one of the actors (his first and last), and it also features Lisa Loring, who played Wednesday Adams in the original "Addams Family" TV series, who gives us some serious nakedity. What would Cousin Itt say?

There's some wonderful ridiculousness in this film: a man not able to find reverse on his car, nude cocaine use, a clairvoyant real estate developer, and the most hilarious carrot eating scene in the history of film.

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Saturday, February 20, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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As always, the killer Omelettes will perform improv at the halfway mark of the movie, and during the end credits. Your host is Tom Winkler, creator of doodie.com, and Don'tWhackYourBoss.com -- he will lovingly guide you through this cinematic sweat lodge.

We sold out last month's show, so if you want a seat, show your ass up early! It's limited seating. We will be upstairs at the Flight theater this month -- there'll be plenty of signage to guide you there. Beer, wine, water, and all manner of treats will be available at our horrible concession stand.

And there will be prizes awarded for the best quotes yelled out during the performance. Get on our mailing list (horriblemovie@pacbell.net), or Facebook, or Twitter if you ain't already. We'll look for you at the theater!

HMN's Omelettes in the wild!

If you like the improv goodness that is the Omelettes at our shows, then you should head on out to support them at some special comedy events. First off, Steve is part of an improv competition every Monday:

IO West - Mondays at 8PM
http://west.ioimprov.com/

And Lindsey does a similar competition at the The Improv Space every Thursday:

Improv Space - Thursdays at 8PM
http://www.theimprovspace.com/

Both of these are "American Idol"-style judged contests -- the more support they get, the farther they get in the competition. So, head on out to see 'em one of these days. Perhaps we'll see you there!

And our next HMN is Saturday, February 20th at 8PM. Movie announcement to follow. See ya!

Hello, dear bad movie aficionados!

We hope you survived the holidaze, and send you the brightest greetings for the next decade. Let's start it off with something horrible!

For January, we proudly present "Guns of El Chupacabra" (trailer here). This 1997 epic chronicles the adventures of Jack B. Quick, Space Sheriff, on a mission from Queen Bee and King Allmedia (oh, yes) to hunt down an interstellar chupacabra let loose on Earth. A documentary film crew is investigating the deaths caused by the chupacabra, and a vigilante luchador decides to hunt the creature, as well. Also along for the ride are ninjas, government agents, aliens, and shotgun-wielding naked women.

Still with us? Good.

This cryptozoological sci-fi nightmare was written, produced, and starred in by the amazingly prolific Scott Shaw, creator of over 40 films (we highly recommend visiting his site). In 2007, Shaw was bestowed with a Smithee award for "Guns" -- the Smithees are given out yearly to only the most terrible movies (see his acceptance video here). It's HMN's first award-winning film!

It also stars scream-queen Julie Strain, her real-life husband (and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" co-creator) Kevin Eastman, and Martin Sheen's brother Joe Estevez. The performance to watch, however, is Robert Z'Dar (who shined in "Maniac Cop"), as Z-Man Lord Invader, the doughiest galactic overlord you'll ever see. Only your last acid flashback will compare with the joyous horror you will experience with us.

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Saturday, January 23rd, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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The lovely Omelettes will take the stage to improv scenes midway through the flick, and your host is the scintillating Tom Winkler of doodie.com. They will rock you.

We're doing our regular Saturday show, and no longer require RSVPs! Just show on up early before we run out of seats. We will have beer, wine, water, and snacks for sale in the lobby as you ponder what type of twisted creature you will become after being subjected to this month's movie.

There will be prizes for the quippiest quips, plus a couple special surprises. You can't miss it -- technically, you can miss it, but you will forever rue the day! Join our Facebook group and follow us on Twitter if you haven't already. And spread the word!

We'll look forward to seeing you at the show!

You better watch out --

Happy Horribledays!

As we approach awards season, Hollywood will bring out its best -- be it tear-jerking Oscar bait, or FX-laden epics, they are all sure to be wonderful gifts. But if you prefer a cinematic lump of coal, HMN has you covered (we know you've been bad, anyway).

That said, allow us to present Hulk Hogan in 1996's "Santa with Muscles", a film so bad, the original screenwriter sued to have his name removed from the credits. This cheesy Christmas disaster features the Hulkster as a millionaire of questionable morals (a stretch --?) who, during a run from the law, is knocked out cold and wakes up thinking he is Santa Claus. He somehow hooks up with an orphanage bedeviled by evil scientists (the head baddie is played by Ed Begley Jr.), and proceeds to do good. You will notice Mila Kunis in one of her first film roles as an orphan. But no rotten movie is complete without the inimitable Clint Howard! This one has got it all.

In deference to your busy December schedule, we have programmed HMN for a Thursday evening (we know your Saturdays are all taken up -- we checked). So instead of watching "FlashForward", come party with us and holler to your heart's content at one of the worst holiday movies you'll ever see.

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Thursday, December 17th, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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We had a great turnout last time, so get your RSVPs in toot sweet to insure your seats.

RSVP now to: horriblemovie@pacbell.net

The always-fantastic Omelettes will again perform, and your host Tom Winkler of doodie.com will guide you down Candy Cane Lane for the evening. It promises to be some howlin' good holiday terror. Beer, wine, and snacks will be available to soothe your Christmas music-tortured soul.

Make sure to spread the word, and we'll see you at the theater!

To heck with "New Moon" -- go Troubled Moon with Horrible Movie Night!

Hey cats.

Instead of following the romantic entanglements of some pouty Northwest vampires this weekend, load in to the cryptozoological terror that is "Suburban Sasquatch"! The only thing this beast loves is stomping on people's legs, and roaring like a Shi Tzu in a laundry sack. You, however, will fall in love with the frightening effects, bumbling police officers, and beer-forsaking businessmen that inhabit our stinker this month. You must bear witness!

The good folks at Troubled Moon Films gave the world "Suburban Sasquatch" in 2004, and this Saturday, we bring it you!

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Saturday, November 21st, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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The seats are filling up fast, so get on the stick and email us to RSVP:

RSVP now to: horriblemovie@pacbell.net

Hope to see you there!