Horrible Movie Night

Talk about a train wreck! HMN takes on "Night Train to Terror"!

2012-01-04T15:30:00.000-08:00

Crappy new year, y'all!

With so many wonderful things to look forward to in 2012 (Mayan apocalypse, presidential election -- wait, are they the same thing?), it is our bound duty to provide you succor in the form of the worst movies on the planet. Allow us to start the year off wrong with the anthemic anthology, 1985's "Night Train to Terror".

Not unlike "Creepshow" or "Cat's Eye" in format, "Night Train to Terror" offers three cautionary tales of horror. But unlike the aforementioned films, this movie is like a Jamba Juice of horrifying ingredients and putrefying infusions -- in other words, a Jamba Juice. The frame story takes place on a train, and has God and Satan (and, inexplicably, an 80s synth rock band busted out in full song) bargaining for recently departed human souls. To illustrate their debate, the lives of each of the three people are played out through the train car's window. As you might expect, each person's life is chock-full of dramatic horror and bizarre situations (mental institution, a "death club", etc.).

"Night Train to Terror" was cut together from three other movies, "Cataclysm", "Carnival of Fools", and "Scream Your Head Off", the latter having never been completed. The final product is so impossibly disjointed, and hilariously so. This one has it all -- stop-motion puppets, exploding heads, shirtless fights, and abuse of popcorn. Two of the sequences star Richard Moll, of "Night Court" fame, in two very disparate roles. Also starring is Cameron Mitchell, one of our favorite actors who's appeared in previous HMN films, "Memorial Valley Massacre", "Deadly Prey", and "Terror in Beverly Hills". "Night Train to Terror" is a real rollercoaster, and thankfully it never lets up, even after you barf and lose all the change in your pockets. Here's the trailer (NSFW, on account of boobs):

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Saturday, January 21st, 2012

8PM (Doors 7:15PM)

The Complex Theater - East Theater

6468 Santa Monica Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90038

$10.

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Tickets are on sale now now now -- click at this link, or on the image below to purchase. For this performance, we have moved to the East Theater -- still part of the Complex, just two doors down from the lobby entrance.

As always, the fine folks that are The Omelettes will provide scathing improv & laughitude during the evening. But of course, the real star of HMN is you! The machine of HMN is powered by your hilarious comments throughout the evening -- do it superatively, and you can walk home with a prize (and yes, we make you walk home).

Don't forget to join us on Facebook, Twitter, Google, and our mailing list -- you'll stay informed on what's awful cinematically. Hope to see you at the theater!

Toot toot,

HMN

Have yourself a scary little Christmas with HMN and "Elves"!

2011-11-30T13:48:00.001-08:00

Every Christmas it's the same --

-- we always wind up playing a shepherd, and we think the previous year's Christmas movie can't be topped. How do you get any worse than "Santa with Muscles" or "Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny"? We'll tell you how -- with a little lump of coal from 1989 titled, "Elves". We considered not even writing a full description of the movie, and let one line speak for the entire event:

"I want to know the connection between the elves and the Nazis."

What, you haven't broken out your wallet in a frenzy to buy a ticket? OK, fine. "Elves" is a jaunty holiday tale of a long-dormant Nazi plot to engineer an army of supermen by having an elf creature mate with a human virgin on Christmas Eve. The only spanner in the works is Mike McGavin, an ex-cop turned department store Santa (played by "Grizzly Adams" star Dan Haggerty), who insinuates himself into the action to save the virgin, save Christmas, and save the human race.

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Saturday, December 17th, 2011

8PM (Doors 7:15PM)

The Complex Theater

6476 Santa Monica Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90038

$10.

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Come and be a part of the Christ-mess spirit! Tickets are on sale now at this link -- get 'em now while you can! We're cheaper than a regular movie anywhere else, and you won't have to worry that the movie will be bad -- you already know it is! And you can still buy secret Santa gifts with the extra cash.

As always, we will feature improv from the awesome Omelettes, drinks of various potencies for sale, and prizes to be given out for the funniest, most crowd-pleasingest one-liners yelled out during the show. So riff we all! Don't forget to join us on Facebook, Twitter, Google, and our mailing list -- you'll stay informed on what's awful cinematically. We'll look forward to hosting you this month at the theater!

Merry merry,

HMN

Place your bets! Tiffany Vs. Debbie Gibson, or Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid?

2011-11-02T09:36:00.000-07:00

Either way, you win!

Hello, HMN faithful. As heady excitement grows about the turkey coma soon to engulf you, we at HMN only dream of the turkey coma this month's movie put us in during the vetting process. For November, allow us to present the reptili-gorical cinematic experience that is "Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid".

A relative newcomer to the field, it was released this year (2011) directly onto the SyFy Network. Aside from the title characters, it also features 80s pop singers Tiffany and Debbie Gibson. Debbie plays an animal activist trying to save native Everglades reptiles from harm. Tiffany plays a sheriff charged with protecting said Everglades from animal activists. All that goes out the window when giant snakes start showing up and devouring people. Both women reluctantly team up to defend against the renegade snakes, and the genetically-engineered gators created to fight them. Phew!

We are pleased as chum to have members of the cast & crew agree to come down to the show for some alligator soufflé -- actors Bobby Ray Shafer (in his second triumphant appearance at HMN), Kaiwi Lyman, and Kevin Horton will join us for a Q & A after the film. It's gonna be mega.

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Saturday, November 19th, 2011
8PM (Doors 7:15PM)
The Complex Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90038
$10.
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This show is sponsored by our good friends at The Asylum -- the studio behind the film. Go to their store and buy some fun stuff! As always, The Omelettes will be on hand to scramble up some tasty improv based on scenes from the movie, and your suggestions! And you yourself could walk home with a prize, if you come up with the best one-liner of the evening, that is. So arrive funny!

Tickets are available now now now! This will be a popular show, so git 'em now while they're still there to git. Follow the link to our PayPal site for your purchase.

Keep super up-to-date with us via Facebook and Twitter -- we hope to be adding more actors, and extra surprises as the weeks go along. We'll look forward to seeing you at the theater!

Chomp,

HMN

The awesomeness of garbage day.

2011-10-27T13:44:00.000-07:00

First off, allow us to thank all of you for your horrible support of our detestable show. We're so pleased and disgusted to have you all as fans, and look forward to seeing you at our theater show in the future.

In honor of Halloween, let us honor Christmas -- more specifically, the holiday classic, "Silent Night, Deadly Night 2". It has been established that this yule-turd of a movie contains one of the most classic and oft-repeated lines in any bad movie (second only to "the" line in "Shark Attack 3: Megalodon", covered in glorious detail by our friends at the Proudly Resents podcast). To wit:

What we at HMN love is that "garbage day" has become a meme. Following are some of the myriad of hilarious parodies & tributes of this lovely scene. Enjoy!

Labor day!
St. Patrick's Day!
Veteran's Day!
Laundry Day!

HMN

P.S. - November's show is Saturday the 19th -- movie info to follow.

Sashay down the bloody runway with the cast of "Project Vampire"!

2011-10-04T12:03:00.000-07:00

Happy Sucktober!

While Twi-hards warm the concrete in front of the multiplex in anticipation of their latest vampire fix, we merely have to open the coffin we found in the basement of HMN headquarters and root around for the moldiest VHS tape. For your Halloween treat, we present 1998's "Project Vampire".

Known by some as the worst vampire movie ever made, this onion necklace of a movie tells the tale of Dr. Frederick Klaus. The bad doctor is developing a serum that promises to rejuvenate youth, but actually infects the user with vampirism. Dr. Klaus' plan is to turn the entire world into vampires, whom he will then control. One test subject, Victor Hunter, escapes the lab, and with the help of an emergency room nurse, endeavors to expose the serum's true purpose. But Dr. Klaus is not to be deterred, and sends out his vampire hitmen to stop them. As with most of our movies, this one has no trailer, so here's a clip:

We are honored to reunite the cast of this turkey, some of whom were frightened off of acting for good. Joining us in the theater are Brian Knudson, Christopher Smith, and Kelvin Tsao. They will appear onstage after the film for a Q & A. Yowza!

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Saturday, October 22nd, 2011
8PM (Doors 7:15PM)
The Complex Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif., 90038
$10.
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In addition to all the wonderful vampy foolishness this evening will bring, HMN will also feature improv from the gargantuan talent of The Omelettes. They will create scenes based on the film at various points during the show. Don't forget you can win a prize for the best riff yelled out at the show! So be there filled with funny, and direct it at the screen for your chance to be a winner!

Tickets are available now! Click on the link below to purchase them via PayPal. Seats go fast, so get on board early -- it's gonna be a hoot.

Don't forget to stalk us on Facebook and Twitter, get on our mailing list, too. C'mon -- we stalk you. Hope to see you all at the theater!

Most horribly,

HMN

It's the terrible twos! Join us for a special birthday show, with "Catman", and "Shattered: If Your Kid's On Drugs"!

2011-08-30T14:48:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday, us!

It's been two years since we opened the doors of Horrible Movie Night, and we can't thank our fans enough. We've been having a ton of fun sharing these terrible movies, and have been thrilled to meet & laugh with you all over the last 24 months. But unlike most normal people, instead of getting you something nice, we're going to give you a couple of very awful films that we've been saving for just such a special occasion. For our birthday show, we are presenting some glorious oddballs, "Catman", and "Shattered: If Your Kid's On Drugs". Both of these are short-form pieces that we previously hadn't found a proper place for in our show. You will soon reap the benefits.

Legendary Hong Kong schlockmeister Godfrey Ho has made scores of crummy movies throughout the 80s & 90s. His favorite technique was shooting a short film, and then cutting in a totally unrelated movie to pad it out to feature-length. Lucky for us, one of his short films was 1990's "Catman", about two CIA agents trying to take down a satanic church. One agent is scratched by a radioactive cat (don't ask), and ends up with super powers. Wonderfully, "Catman" was shot with English actors, speaking English -- and dubbed again in English. It's howlingly funny, as the trailer will illustrate:

Also on the bill is 1986's "Shattered: If Your Kid's On Drugs", which was a huge hit when we debuted it at the pre-theater HMN many years ago. An hour-long anti-drug melodrama, it "stars" Burt Reynolds and Judd Nelson (who we're sure were totally court-ordered to be in it) as a Greek chorus to a story of two families struggling with children abusing drugs. As with most TV movies trying to frighten people about drug abuse, it's extremely square, and ripe for HMN-ifying. We know you guys will rise to the occasion. Dermot Mulroney (in his very first role) stars as one of the afflicted youngsters. Here's a clip:

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Saturday, September 24th, 2011

8PM (Doors 7:15PM)

The Complex Theater

6476 Santa Monica Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90038

$10.

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We'll have drinks available for purchase tin the lobby, as well as baked goods. There will various surprises added as the weeks go along. You can always count on the excellent improv stylings of The Omelettes, who will on-hand to additionally razz the film. And as always, if you yell out the funniest lines of the night, you could win a birthday prize. Tickets are on sale now at the link below via PayPal. Git 'em now before they sell out!

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit G - "Pushed Too Far"

2011-08-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

Ever since we dug the VHS of "Pushed Too Far" from a box in a thrift shop, we at HMN wished so desperately that it was good/bad enough for our show. It's got all the right elements -- slow pace, bad acting, a token "name" actor, and by far the worst box art we've ever seen (a flying ninja over city hall, with Sheriff Lobo looking in the wrong direction), but it just isn't great/bad.

A picture-perfect town in Indiana is the setting for some unexplained attacks on local citizens. The local karate instructor is as puzzled as anyone, until his wife becomes a victim. His teachings of non-violence keep him from seeking revenge, but the killer (a psychotic former professional wrestler) steps up his game. Then, the karate instructor is, wait for it -- pushed too far.

The biggest carbuncle here is Herb Johnson, a karate champion who, natch, plays the karate champion. He was cast for his martial arts skills, not his acting, and it drags the movie down like a lead overcoat. Claude Akins, famous as the aforementioned Sheriff Lobo, looks conspicuously itchy as the (sigh) local sheriff. The fight scenes are silly, the editing is lugubrious, and the villain is hilariously cartoony.

It does have a Facebook appreciation group, quite a feat for a movie with nearly zero online reviews. You can buy the DVD directly from the makers of the film at this link. Just don't tell 'em we sent you.

Zombie Hamlet?! A horribly terrific play written by a HMN favorite.

2011-07-19T11:32:00.000-07:00

Hello, fiends -

You may remember actor Richard Nathan as the geeky projectionist from our presentation of "The Meateater". He is also a talented & prolific writer, and his most current production is now onstage in Los Angeles. "Hamlet, Prince of Darkness" is a comedic reimagining of the Bard's classic, featuring zombies, vampires and various other creatures of the Scottish night. And thanks to some excellent reviews, it has been extended through the end of July!

It's only $15. and shows at a spooky late hour. All of the info here. Tell Richard that HMN sent 'cha!

"Kiss Daddy Goodbye" gives you double trouble, with guests Alain Silver & Patrick Regan!

2011-06-17T18:48:00.000-07:00

Hello hello, horrible movie fans -

We hope you're enjoying any time you can get away from work this June like we are -- isn't everybody's vacation spent thumbing through disintegrating cardboard boxes of dusty VHS tapes in creaky resale shops? HMN will return fully energized for a dazzling show in July, with yet another of our unknown blockbadsters, 1981's "Kiss Daddy Goodbye". Our special guests this month will be writer Alain Silver, and writer/director Patrick Regan!

Pretty run-of-the-mill plot: two psychokinetic twins see their father killed by a biker gang, and reanimate his corpse to take revenge. Wait -- what? It gets better: the new sheriff in town (played by 50s teen idol Fabian), must investigate both the rash of recent biker gang-related crimes, and the rash of more recent biker gang murders. Yowza.

This one is wacky crazy. The two plotlines operate autonomously for a good deal of the film -- so you get two movies for the prices of one! The sheriff spends quite a while romancing a wayward member of the Board of Education (played by "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" alum Marilyn Burns) in one thread -- the kids play Atari with their minds in another. You will thrill to the drunken antics of the deceased father's friend, various unexplained boob flashes, and the spooky acting of the twins (neither of whom appeared in a movie before or since). Oh -- and don't miss Chester Grimes, who reprises his role as the snickering biker gang member from "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure."

No trailer exists for this movie, so feast your senses on a short clip:

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Saturday, July 16th, 2011

8PM (Doors 7:15PM)

The Complex Theater

6476 Santa Monica Blvd.

Hollywood, Calif., 90038

$10.

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Again, we are very pleased to welcome special guests to our screening -- Alain Silver, and Patrick Regan will grace our stage for a Q & A after the movie. Patrick has been active in directing & producing in Hollywood for many years, and Alain is an accomplished film author, with his latest book, The Vampire Film: From Nosferatu to True Blood, to be released from Hal Leonard/Limelight this month.

In addition to all the wonderful foolishness this evening will bring, HMN will also feature improv from the gargantuan talent of The Omelettes. They will create scenes based on the film at various points during the show. Don't forget you can win a prize for the best riff yelled out at the show! So be there filled with funny, and direct it at the screen for your chance to be a winner!

Tickets are available now! Click on the link below to purchase them via PayPal. Our last show sold out completely, so get on board early -- it's gonna be a hoot.

We'll look forward to seeing double with you in July!

All of our horrible love,

HMN

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit F - "Las Vegas Bloodbath"

2011-06-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

As it is (kinda) said in "The Big Lebowski", "Sometimes there's a movie, and sometimes there's a movie." This is that movie. 1989's "Las Vegas Bloodbath" is an astonishing mess, with bipolar pacing that would humble Gary Busey. The story (a term to be used loosely) starts with a real estate agent landing an important deal. Arriving home to share the story with his lady, he finds her in an awful wig in sexual congress with another man. Almost instantly, he turns from humble businessman to giggly maniac. After dispatching them both and removing his wife's head, he (plus the head) drives to Las Vegas to continue his rampage, concentrating mostly on hapless hookers.

Ordinarily, this movie would be a joy, but it is so amateurishly executed (sorry), that it is rendered impossible to like. At one point, the killer stalks a woman at her home, where she is inexplicably hosting an entire women's oil wrestling team. They chat F O R E V E R until the killer manages to do away with his target in a most vile way. We didn't make it through the rest of the film -- we recommend you don't even start.

Here is a particularly cogent vignette from this titanic dud:

Adam Rifkin, Dan Povenmire & Bobby Ray Shafer to appear at HMN's roast of "Psycho Cop 2"!

2011-05-09T10:10:00.000-07:00

*UPDATE* -- Online presale tickets are sold out! We will have a limited number of seats available at the door the night of the show, so be there early to get 'em!

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Hello again, HMN faithful -

We've been dutifully sprinkling our crop of bad movies (we won't say with what), and yet another turdblossom is ready to be plucked. Get ready to have your rights read by "Psycho Cop 2"! Our special guests for the show are the movie's director,writer, and star, Adam Rifkin, Dan Povenmire, and Bobby Ray Shafer!

Produced at the nadir of the slasher film franchise boom, 1993's "Psycho Cop 2" (a.k.a. "Psycho Cop Returns") features the second coming of Satan-worshipping rogue cop Joe Vickers. Upon overhearing plans for an after-work bachelor party from two office drones, Officer Vickers makes it his mission to punish all involved, guilty of a crime or no. What follows is a nudie bloodbath of hilarious proportions.

There's enough cheese here to feed the entire Fraternal Order of Police, and still have plenty of leftovers to re-roof the HMN HQ. Bobby Ray Shafer, as the mentally-unbalanced title character, equally dispenses ridiculous one-liners and death joyously. The acting is bad, boobs and butts abound gratuitously, and the bachelor party stag film must be seen to not be believed.

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Saturday, May 21st, 2011
8PM (doors 7:15)
The Complex Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd.
Hollywood, Calif. 90038
$10.
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HMN is very happy to welcome special guests Adam Rifkin, Dan Povenmire, and Officer Joe Vickers himself, Bobby Ray Shafer to our May show. Adam Rifkin (who directed this film under a pseudonym) has since directed "The Chase", "Mousehunt", "Detroit Rock City", and his most recent film, "Look". He is especially renowned for his cult classic, "The Dark Backward". Dan Povenmire is an award-winning animation director, and co-creator of the monster hit for Disney, "Phineas & Ferb". Bobby Ray has a storied career in film & TV, with his recent turn as Bob Vance in "The Office" being a highlight (not to mention his roles in the Asylum "Mega Shark" series, which tickle us most here at HMN). They will all revisit the past with us, and atone for their cinematic sins at a Q & A after the film.

To add extra pepper to the show, the fabulous Omelettes will provide improv based on the movie. There will also be drinks available (with various powers) and fresh-baked brownies (sorry, no powers).

Our last show sold very briskly, so do not miss out! This will be a popular show. Show up early to get tickets at the door. There will be prizes for the best riffs yelled out during the show. Fire only your funniest synapses, and you may be a winner!

So comply with everything the nice officer says, and join us for a horrible evening of awesomeness.

10-4,

HMN

Holy talking ponies! It's April's HMN, with special guest Jay Thomas!

2011-04-08T17:18:00.000-07:00

Ahoy hoy, HMN folk!

Spring has brought us all an extra hour of daylight, which we at HMN have squandered searching for more of the worst movies never seen. For April, we will present an especially taxing (get it?) film, and another special guest -- Jay Thomas will be present at the show, along with a movie his Emmy awards can't save him from: "The Adventures of Ragtime".

1998 saw the arrival of this hilarious turd -- think "Home Alone" with a talking Shetland pony. Ragtime (the horse in question) lives with a pleasant family, and is taken care of by 10 year-old Barkley (despite his name, he's a boy, not a dog). When Ragtime is kidnapped by two opportunistic & bumbling crooks, the FBI gets involved in the horse's disappearance. But it turns out the little horse can take care of himself, and puts the fledgling kidnappers through the ringer.

This movie is a cheesy jaw-dropper. The jokes are telegraphed, the kids are awful actors, and the animals -- oh, the animals. Every animal "talks" in this movie. We found out that the producers originally did not intend for them to speak, and added the voices in post. We're glad they did, as it makes "Adventures of Ragtime" extra awesome.

As HMN movies go, it's star-studded. The bumbling crooks are played by Shelley Long, and our special guest for this show, Jay Thomas. You know him from "Mr. Holland's Opus", "Murphy Brown", and his awesome Sirius/XM radio program. Jay will be on hand for a Q & A after the movie!

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Saturday, April 30th, 2010

8PM (Doors at 7:15)

The Complex - Ruby Theater

6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038

$10.

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As always, we count on YOU to supply the commentary, snarky remarks, catcalls, and general funniness that make a rotten movie into a hysterical classic. You may even walk home with a prize for one of the best riffs of the evening, but only if you are funny and timely, so choose your weapons wisely.

Halfway through, and also at the end of the film, the Omelettes improv troupe will break the fourth wall with scenes based on the movie. These guys are fantastic -- get to know them better on their Facebook page. We will have brownies (regular strength) and drinks (extra strength) available in the lobby.

So jump on your Shetland, and spread the horrible word! Grab a ticket, get on our mailing list, and stalk us on Facebook & Twitter. We'll look forward to seeing you at the theater!

Hi ho Ragtime,

HMN

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit E - "Killer Workout"

2011-03-31T11:47:00.000-07:00

The most surprising thing about "Killer Workout" is it was one of two health club-themed slasher movies (the other being "Death Spa" with Johnny Slash himself, Merritt Buttrick). But it most certainly is the worse of the pair. Beyond that, there ain't much else surprising here.

Also known as "Aerobicide", this turkey features a killer haunting a health club. Instead of workout programs, this club seems only to feature music videos with hilariously heaving bodies clad in awesome 80s spandex. And the weapon of choice when the killer starts dispatching said bodies? A giant safety pin. Yowza.

The creators of HMN favorite, "Deadly Prey" are behind this one, but brought along very little of the same genius. This one will truly exercise your patience.

Don't say you didn't see this coming! It's March's HMN (with a special guest)!

2011-03-10T09:38:00.000-08:00

March forward, HMNers -

We've been using the late winter thaw to our advantage, overturning mossy rocks and rotting logs looking for more of the worst movies you've never heard of. And this month, we've found a white truffle.

It's "Lethal Premonition" -- a 2003 gem so bad, it isn't even on IMDB! We weren't even sure this movie existed until we finally scored a copy. It is the story of Jackie, a fashion designer who has persistent visions of various girls being attacked. When real-life disappearances start happening, and getting no help from the police nor her imbecilic boyfriend, she starts investigating on her own. Teaming up with a disgraced cop and a bemulleted psychic, Jackie attempts to track down the mysterious attacker.

This movie is all kinds of bad. We love that the identity of the villain is given away on the back of the DVD box. It's shot on a camcorder (like HMN favorite, "Suburban Sasquatch"), cinching its no-budget look. The acting is astonishingly terrible. Every scene at the police station is a joy to behold -- the actors playing cops make Jack Webb look like Sir Laurence Olivier. And what is a HMN movie without boobs! In this case, the main actress has a modest bosom, but her body double is jarringly stacked!

The best part of March's HMN is one of the stars of the movie will be in attendance: our own sassy Omelette ingredient, Natalia Reagan! Yes, she appeared in this film in one of her first roles. Natalia will answer your questions at a Q & A after the movie.

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Friday, March 25th, 2010

8PM (Doors at 7:15)

The Complex - Ruby Theater

6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038

$8.

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Make sure to get your butt to the theater early, as this'll be a popular show. As always, we will be featuring The Omelettes, whose improv will only accelerate the burn this movie will most definitely leave upon your soul. Friend them on Facebook, and in real life! There will be prizes for the best riffs yelled out during the show. Fire only your funniest synapses, and you may be a winner!

Friend us, follow us, recommend us in any actual/virtual way, and of course, come join us down at the theater in delightful Hollywood! We'll look forward (get it?) to seeing you.

Luff,

HMN

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit D - "Ax 'Em"

2011-03-07T09:31:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder who would win a fight between a blender and a movie script? Wonder no further, because "Ax 'Em" is the answer! This ultra-low budget slasher film (supposedly it cost $650. to make) has members of a black fraternity taking a road trip to stay in creepy mansion. A killer is loose in search of some sort of unrelated revenge, and that's about all the sense this film makes. Lighting, sound, camera work, editing -- they're all impossibly awful. Group shots are posed like family portraits, and no less than five people talk simultaneously. But note well the final words of an elderly murder victim, which will assuredly enter your daily lexicon: "Awwwwww shit."

This atrocious turd was brought to light by Michael Adams, in his great bad movie book, "Showgirls, Teen Wolves, and Astro Zombies: A Film Critic's Year-Long Quest to Find the Worst Movie Ever Made". You know you're in trouble within seconds as the misspelled prologue skewers the logic center of your brain. And it's only downhill from there.

Know the past, or you'll be doomed to watch it again --

2011-02-26T14:28:00.000-08:00

HMN has polluted the screen nineteen times at its show so far. Are you a curious newcomer interested in what we've previously shown? Are you a HMN vet wanting to relive the pain? Well, then peruse our eternally damned movies -- never to make it into movie heaven, but will party in movie hell.

The Executioner Part 2
Memorial Valley Massacre
The Witching
Suburban Sasquatch
Santa with Muscles
Guns of El Chupacabra
Iced
Terror in Beverly Hills
Microwave Massacre
The Meateater
Alien Vs. Hunter
Deadly Prey
Twister's Revenge
Alien Warrior
Uninvited
The Lost Idol
Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny/Magic Christmas Tree
Zombie Lake
Sorceress

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit C - "Pocket Ninjas"

2011-02-16T09:15:00.000-08:00

"Pocket Ninjas"! It's a very innocuous title with a whimsical, kid-friendly poster. But be warned -- this movie is about as friendly as a chainsaw with cavities. The plot is not unlike a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book: some kids read a comic book about some kids who train to be ninjas who may or may not be some kids who are kung-fu vigilantes. Which storyline is real? Whose vantage point is it from? I'm sure no one involved knows. Jean Cocteau ain't got nuthin' on the surrealism of "Pocket Ninjas".

The dynamic duo of bad movies, Donald G. Jackson & Scott Shaw, have their hand in this film, which may explain some of the weirdness (and the neon-coiffed kabuki masks recycled from Shaw's epic, "The Roller Blade Seven"). "Pocket Ninjas" is groundbreaking in its mind-bending narrative. If you're afraid to try hallucinogenic drugs, but wonder what they're like, watch "Pocket Ninjas".

Abracadabra! Come help us saw this "Sorceress" in half!

2011-02-10T22:25:00.001-08:00

Hark, HMN fans -

As a balmy L.A. winter settles upon the land, allow HMN to transport you to a fantasy realm to view a film so bad, it would make Gary Gygax spin in his grave. We could only be speaking of February's HMN movie, "Sorceress".

This 1982 sword & sorcery epic failure concerns twin sisters Mara and Mira, who are part of a prophecy that would unleash an era of darkness on the world. To prevent such a calamity, the girls are hidden away as babies and, as they grow up, are taught various fighting skills. They eventually team with a barbarian, a Viking, and a horny (pun intended) satyr to fight the wizard who would force his way to power.

"Sorceress" is a lovely, screaming disaster. For a film with female warrior leads, it's amazingly and hilariously sexist. The women are raised as boys, and every opportunity is exploited to have them disrobe, or pose asinine sexual questions (the scene where the Viking attempts to explain sex to them is especially cringe-worthy). You'll adore the terrible make-up and creature "effects" -- an ape is inexplicably an officer in the evil wizard's army. And wait 'til you see the greased-pole-and-sharp-stick torture device. There's so much to love here.

Peep the trailer below (NSFW, yo):

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Friday, February 25th, 2010
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - Ruby Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

This time, we're having the show on a Friday, just to keep you on your toes. We give out prizes for the best quips of the evening -- hack & slash the screen with your best riffs and one-liners, and you may walk away with one! Your host will be the inimitable Tom Winkler of doodie.com, and halftime improv will explode from The Omelettes, comedians extraordinaire. We will have treats & drinks for sale to buttress your funny yellings.

So come on down to the theater for this hilarious catastrophe! The more, the merrier is the HMN way, so spread the word, retweet, and like us! Have your friends give us a gander on Facebook and Twitter (you, too, if you haven't already).

We'll look forward to have you get medieval on our "Sorceress"! Thanks for your support.

HMN

Forget everything you know about zombies. Seriously.

2011-01-03T22:40:00.000-08:00

Auld lang syne, HMN family!

We hope the new year is treating you well so far -- we won't tell 2011 what you said about 2010. In calendar years as in horrible movies, what's old is new again. That goes double for January's HMN film, "Zombie Lake".

From 1981, this French film (with wonderfully hilarious English dubbing) features a rural town with a secret, and a curse. Or is it a secret curse --? A lake in the forest is inhabited by Nazi zombies, who rise from the depths to kill female skinnydippers. The town's mayor tries to keep things quiet, even when out-of-town reporters and cops get involved. But eventually, the townsfolk must fight to eliminate a horror they helped create.

This film is beautiful garbage. It bends time more than Marty McFly ever did -- the Nazi soldiers are ambushed, killed, and dumped in the lake in 1943, but almost 40 years later, the townsfolk involved haven't aged a day. A daughter fathered by one of the Nazi soldiers is clearly only eight. The English translation makes Borat sound like Tom Wolfe. And there's so much nudity, you will qualify for a medical license merely by watching this film.

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Thursday, January 27th, 2010
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - Dorie Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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We're doing another Thursday, in the glorious Dorie Theater in the main lobby at the Complex. As always, HMN needs your help to make fun of this movie. Bring your funniest self (and your funniest friends), and you may win a prize for the best one-liner of the evening.

The sparkly Omelettes will sparkle through some sparkly improv during the show, with scenes based on the movie. They always make a good/bad film great/horrible. There'll be drinks on hand for purchase at undead prices.

We'll wait patiently to eat your flesh, er -- host you for the show. Help us spread the horrible word! Give us a mention on your Facebook page and Twitter feed. Tell your favorite blog about us. And come down to the show if you haven't joined us yet, or if it's been a while. It's the horrible thing to do.

Until then, zombie lake water wishes, and rotting flesh dreams!

HMN

Get into our Christmas shorts -- it's December's HMN!

2010-12-01T20:38:00.000-08:00

Happy merry, horribillies!

Hope the holidaze is treating you well so far. We're very excited/sorry to announce our December show -- it's a first for HMN! We unearthed two short subjects that bowled us over, so we're gonna show both of 'em. To wit --

First off is "Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny" from 1972, a bizarre tale of Santa being stranded on a beach in Florida just a couple of days before his Christmas rounds. He manages to corral a group of kids to help him, which entails auditioning various animals to pull his sleigh (including a gorilla) before his old pal the Ice Cream Bunny (no relation to the Ice Truck Killer) shows up. Yowza!

Next is 1964's "The Magic Christmas Tree". Yes, the same year the beloved "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" premiered on TV, this lump of coal somehow graced theater screens. The first & last movie for the director and most of the actors, it concerns a mouthy brat who meets a witch who gives him a ring, which creates a talking Christmas tree. The tree gives him three wishes, one of which he uses to imprison Santa at his house (à la "Reservoir Dogs"). Add in a race between a turtle and a lawnmower, and a pedifi-tastic woodsman/ogre, and you have a recipe for horrific holiday merriment.

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Thursday, December 16th, 2010
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - Ruby Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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We're doing a special Thursday night show, cuz we know your weekend is totally taken up with holiday parties. And as much as we like watching bad movies, we wanna see "Tron" this weekend like everyone else. Find us this month in the Ruby Theater, located in the main lobby of The Comnplex. Plentiful, free parking on Wilcox, just north of Santa Monica Blvd. You will thrill to the improv of the Omelettes, who will provide entertainment throughout the show. Friend 'em on Facebook!

To ward off the evening chill, there'll be drinks for sale at the HMN bar, along with freshly-baked brownies. But the best part of the evening will be you! We rely on the audience to riff the movie, so come armed with only best, hand-picked witticisms, and you may walk away with a prize.

Watching these wonderfully bad holiday films will be like a TSA pat-down, if you were super-duper ticklish. Come join us for the show, and spread the word on your Facebook, Twitter, and your other word-spreading apps. Get on the mailing list if you haven't, and follow us on the aforementioned sites if you haven't.

We'll look forward to seeing you. Happy holidaze!

HMN

This November, you get a Ponch in the face!

2010-11-06T17:42:00.000-07:00

Fall back, HMNers!

This is our favorite time of the year, as the rest of the country joins us in celebrating the turkey. And do we have a doozy to roast for you this month...

You know you've found a special movie when Erik Estrada is the best thing in it. That movie is 1990's "The Lost Idol". Set just after the Vietnam War, the film chronicles a mission to retrieve a giant golden statue, stashed in the jungle by Lt. Oliver (John Phillips, also the screenwriter), a greedy and traitorous U.S. soldier. Erik Estrada is a reluctant member of the fortune hunter team, forced to assist to protect his family. But he plans revenge against Oliver, his former commanding officer, and aims to make him pay for his treachery.

This film boasts a good deal of superlatives on its trek through the jungle, Cambodian sex bars, and the most poorly-run humanitarian aid center. Myra Chason is by far the absolute worst actor we've ever seen, and hilariously so. An Austrian bodybuilder sports an accent that makes Arnold Schwarzenegger sound like Sir Laurence Olivier. And can you truly take a villain seriously if he looks just like Dr. Seuss?

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Saturday, November 20th, 2010
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - Flight Theater (upstairs)
6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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We'll be bouncing around the various theaters of The Complex in the next few months -- November's show will take place upstairs in the Flight Theater. Follow the signs when you arrive. Parking is free & plentiful on Wilcox north of Santa Monica.

Tom Winkler of doodie.com will officiate this unholy union of movie and audience, with The Omelettes performing 80s hits, in the form of improv based on the movie. We'll have drinks possessing various powers (sorry, no Four Loko), along with fresh-baked brownies. And we'll be doling out prizes for those brave & hilarious wits with the best riffs of the evening. Pack your funny!

So come on down to the show, and we'll dogpile on this cinematic circus like it was Cooks Source magazine. Tell your friends, and join us on our email list if you haven't already, and our various web portals (Facebook, Twitter).

We'll look forward to seeing your horrible selves!

Hugs,

HMN

You can't be uninvited to the horror of "Uninvited"!

2010-10-14T12:17:00.001-07:00

Hello, HMN true believers -

It's nearly time to unspool another of our impossibly awful films, and we'd love to have you collectively feel the pain. "Uninvited" is a hilarious sea voyage with a murderous mutant cat, dopey college kids, and knucklehead criminals. It mustn't be missed!

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Saturday, October 16th, 2010 - 8PM

(Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - Dorie Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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We set sail this Saturday at 8PM, so make sure to get on board at the Dorie Theater in The Complex. This show is brought to you by Cheezy Flicks, who fully endorse "Uninvited" as fine example of glorious cheesy cinema.

Tell a friend, and come join us! Thanks for your support.

HMN

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit B - "Beasties"

2010-10-11T22:48:00.000-07:00

Here's another entry in our ongoing series of movies we've screened that have not made the cut for our show, but are still worth a masochistic look.

Exhibit B is 1991's "Beasties", which unfortunately has nothing to do with the Boys of the same name. It's a goof on the 1950s alien-invasion-during-teen-rutting-season, with some odd additions. A nerdy science major goes on a double date, with the worst John Candy/Robin Williams imitator tagging along as his wingman. The group is captured by some punks (the zeitgeist version of punk rockers of the late 80s), who are in league with a satanic priestess. Oh, and there's aliens, too.

It's fun and stupid and weird and all the good things that make a HMN movie, but it's a bit slow, and shot amazing poorly (it was filmed in Super 8, and the DVD is a VHS transfer). There's a lot of funny moments, though, as evidenced in the trailer below. Watch only if you have extra ADHD meds.

Don't forget to join us for the killer mutant cat opus "Uninvited" this Saturday, October 16th at The Complex in Hollywood!

HMN

You'll need all nine lives to survive "Uninvited"!

2010-09-26T23:44:00.000-07:00

Fall back, HMNers!

Hope you had a great summer, and it was a hoot to host many of you during our first horrible year of bad movie shows. And we're only getting ramped up -- prepare for the October/Halloween edition of Horrible Movie Night! You are hereby invited to "Uninvited"!

From 1988, "Uninvited" is a rollicking, scary voyage aboard a luxury yacht, with the unlikely combo of nubile spring-breakers and criminal venture capitalists. A simple excursion to the Cayman Islands is terrorized by a genetically-mutated cat who kills, at first, only mean people, then indiscriminately. Director Greydon Clark also gave us the videogame sex romp "Joysticks".

It's hilariously bad -- when the cat mutates to attack, a hairball-like creature pops out of its mouth to bite ankles, wrists, and other body parts to a comically bloody effect. It also stars screen legend George Kennedy, who heavily sighs his way through his role as the criminal mastermind's bodyguard. Along with some other seasoned character actors (including Clu Gulager of "Return of the Living Dead"), the cast is filled out with young duds fumbling through their death scenes. "Uninvited" is an absolute joy to behold.

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Saturday, October 16th, 2010
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - Dorie Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

This month's HMN is brought to you by the good folks at Cheezy Flicks Entertainment, purveyors of wondrous cinematic examples of cult, horror, and -- well, cheese. Visit them and browse their inspiring collection of DVDs -- including "Uninvited"!

As always, you can count on host Tom Winkler of doodie.com to guide you through the hilarious haunted house that is HMN. The cackling ghosts & skeletons will be played by The Omelettes, peppering the evening with spooky improv. But the real star of the night is YOU! Come equipped with your funniest jibes & japes, and you may stumble home with a prize for the best one-liner of the show.

We'll have beer, wine, and other delicious beverages, along with freshly-baked brownies. Come early to secure yourself a seat or two -- park on Wilcox, north of Santa Monica Blvd. for choice parking. We promise we won't shred your couch or eat your houseplants if you join us for this purrrfectly horrible evening! See you then!

Meow,

HMN

It's our first anniversary, and you get the gift -- of "Alien Warrior"!

2010-09-04T17:40:00.000-07:00

Happy anniversary, HMNers!

The Horrible Movie Nightly news is September marks one year of bad movies, great improv, and hilarious commentary. So to celebrate, we've dug deep into the archive (meaning the gap between the wall and the video shelf where all the worst movies hide) to find an especially odious film to subject you to. It's a little something called, "Alien Warrior" a.k.a, "King of the Streets".

From 1985, this innocuously-titled film is the very thinly veiled story of Jesus' brother (nicknamed Buddy, the original Buddy Christ) who comes to Earth to fight "great evil" in order to make a difference for us humans. Said great evil turns out to be "Mr. One", a pimp and crime kingpin with a booming business of blackmail, prostitution, and really mean staredowns. A collection of disaffected Los Angelenos match wits, fists, and bullets with Mr. One & his gang, thanks to Buddy's various teachings. He also tries to impart a message of kindness & empathy, but also bloodies up a whole lot of people, and sexes down a literacy volunteer.

This film has a severe case of cinematic schizophrenia -- it has no idea what it wants to be. Is it an action movie? Inspirational film? Soft-core? Comedy? After-school special? It certainly tries on all those hats, yet leaves the store without buying. You do, however, get to see the crime lord firing an Uzi while dressed only in his tighty whities. You'll feel like you were hit with an electric cattle prod after watching this one. In a good way.

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Saturday, September 18th, 2010
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - Dorie Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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We'd love to have you down to help us celebrate! Seating is limited. Come down early to snag some seats, some drinks, and food from whatever food truck is outside the Smodcastle next door. We'll have beer, wine, soda, and water for sale to help hydrate your funny bone. Parking is best on Wilcox, north of Santa Monica Blvd. Map it, dude.

Your host is Tom Winkler, grizzled veteran of many bad movies, and creator of doodie.com. Halftime improv will hilariously hurled at you courtesy of The Omelettes.

Remember that you can win a special prize for the funniest riff of the night, but only if you give us your best. So polish up your best witticisms for a great evening of painfully funny cinema. Get on the mailing list if y'ain't, and accept our friendship on Facebook and Twitter, too.

We'll hope to see you -- in September, into our second year, and beyond! Thanks for your support.

We remain yours,

HMN

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit A -- "Exterminator City"

2010-08-30T23:07:00.000-07:00

We go through a lot of movies when programming HMN. There is a very fine line of what makes a great bad movie -- it can't be too bad (i.e. boring, inaudible) or too good (campy, trying too hard). There have been almost-great movies we've seen that haven't made the cut, and we thought we'd share a few with you.

Exhibit A is 2005's "Exterminator City". Like a car that is held together with rivets, this movie is held together by boobs. It involves a serial killer robot that only kills overly-endowed ladies in states on undress. He is hunted by a detective robot with whom, at one point, he has a sword fight (!?). It features some of the worst special effects we've seen (a flying car on a stick in front of a poster of a cityscape).

Beware the trailer is NSFW!

This movie was suggested by one of our fans, and we love your suggestions! Let us know if there's any bad movies we should be aware of -- email us, or add to the discussions page on HMN's Facebook page.

Our one-year anniversary show is Saturday, September 18th -- very special movie to be announced soon!

Your pals,

HMN

You will want revenge upon "Twister's Revenge"!

2010-08-01T16:09:00.000-07:00

Ahoy, HMNers -

Hope you're having a horrible summer! It is with great shame & regret that HMN is proud to present August's film, 1987's "Twister's Revenge" -- the talking monster truck movie. It's not often that we find a film with no trailer, but this doorknob of a flick doesn't even have a poster nor VHS box art. It's as if it was never supposed to be seen -- be seen -- be seen --

Mr. Twister is the top monster truck in Wisconsin, mostly because of the computer modifications made by Shelley, its owner. Shelley and her fiancé, Dave (Mr. Twister's driver) are on the junk car-encrusted road to success until three redneck mechanics get wind of the expensive computer equipment inside Mr. Twister, and scheme to steal it.

When the theft turns into Shelley's kidnapping, Dave vows revenge and finds Mr. Twister has developed a personality & speech. The chase to find Shelley and defeat the stone-dumb bad guys features a showdown between Mr. Twister and a tank, and the destruction of an outhouse named -- yes, the Shit House. Welcome to the Shit House.

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Saturday, August 14th, 2010
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - Dorie Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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Get on down early to ensure a seat! We'll have recession pricing on beer, wine, water, soda, and freshly-baked brownies. Your host for the evening is HMN's answer to Rod Serling, Tom Winkler. The film will be wonderfully interrupted by The Omelettes, who will provide improv and thought-provoking fart jokes.

Speaking of jokes, if you yell out the funniest riff of the evening, you will win a prize. So don't spurt out any old thing that comes to mind, make it extra special funny-like. It's the honeymoon suite of movie riffing!

Get on the mailing list if y'ain't, follow us on Facebook and Twitter, and thanks always for your support!

Yours,

HMN

"Deadly Prey" will prey upon you like prey -- with laughter!

2010-06-24T14:45:00.000-07:00

Summer is here, and it's time for the first of HMN's blockworsters -- 1987's "Deadly Prey". A compound of vigilante soldiers is training in the mountains (which look a lot like Riverside, CA), and are using ordinary citizens kidnapped from the city as live bait to hone their hunting skills. That is, until they snatch Mike Danton off the sidewalk. Danton is (natch) ex-Special Forces, and can dispatch a bad guy in any number of Bear Grylis-type ways. He must eventually face off with the compound's commander -- his former commanding officer. Didn't see that comin', didja?

This one is a special kind of awful, and we haven't laughed this hard in a while. "Rambo: First Blood" was based on a novel -- if that novel was a coloring book, and they made that coloring book into a movie, you'd have "Deadly Prey". Plus it's the third movie HMN has shown featuring our muse of badness, Cameron Mitchell. This one must not be missed! It's a real grenade down the pants (and yes -- a grenade is shoved down someone's pants).

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Saturday, July 17th, 2010
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - Ruby Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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We're back downstairs in the Ruby Theater -- you can find us in the main lobby of The Complex. Come on down, and we'll get you a seat! There will be the usual assortment of drinks & libations, along with freshly-baked brownies for the sugar rush you'll need to make fun of this turkey.

Your host for the evening is Tom Winkler of doodie.com, raconteur and veteran of several tours of bad movie duty. The white-hot Omelettes will be on hand for the halftime & end credits improv. You will love them all! That's an order!

And as always, there will be prizes for the funniest riffs of the evening. That's on you! So bring your best funny, and come on down for the horrible fun. Get with us on Facebook, Twitter, and our mailing list, too! Hope to see you there!

Luff,

HMN

In the case of "Alien Vs. Hunter" -- guilty of being awesomely awful!

2010-05-19T14:27:00.000-07:00

Hey gang -

We're back somewhat soon with another show, and it's another HMN first -- our first widescreen movie! Before you yell, "Sellout!", know that we wouldn't temporarily abandon our beloved VHS without a good reason. That reason is 2007's "Alien Vs. Hunter".

This mockbuster attempts to emulate the success (?) of "Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem", and lucky for all of us, it stumbles & bumbles like a Charlie Chaplin impersonator. The story centers around Lee (played by "Greatest American Hero" star William Katt), a floundering writer who happens upon a crashed UFO. Once it's found to be chock full o' alien hostility, he gathers up some of the townsfolk to make a stand. It soon becomes clear there are two alien forces in town, bent on destroying each other and any other meat bags in their way. Who will be victorious -- alien, human, or neither?

It's a staggeringly wonderful film. It has occupied space in the IMDB Bottom 100 list practically since it's been released. By their own admission, the filmmakers have said they rarely did more than two takes for each scene -- and boy, does it show. The actors get lost from each other in the editing, the dialogue is bizarre, and the special effects are, well -- special. It also stars Dedee Pfeiffer, Michelle Pfeiffer's sister. However, it's William Katt's acting that takes the cake. You will see why he was once on the short list to play Luke Skywalker.

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Saturday, June 5th, 2010
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - Flight Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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We've bounced back upstairs to the Flight Theater, so make sure to follow the signs, and look for us up there this month. The theater will fill up quickly, so git yer butt down there EARLY -- it's the only way to guarantee a seat. We'll ply your will with beer, wine, soft drinks, and brownies. Y'know, so it won't sting so much.

Our beloved Omelettes will take the stage halfway through the film, and improv the heck outta you. And we're counting on YOU to exercise your funny muscles and bring your best one-liners to roast this turkey. You may just win a prize at the end of the show!

This month's HMN is brought to you by our good pals at The Asylum. If you've ever switched on SyFy late at night, you've probably caught one of their magnum opuses. We're very glad to have them aboard -- go check out their site to see previews of upcoming films, and perhaps buy a hat, mug, or DVD!

Make sure to get cozy with our Facebook page, hop on to us on Twitter, and get on our mailing list if you ain't already. So chose Team Alien or Team Hunter, and we'll see you at the theater! Thanks for your support!

Fondly,

HMN

Thanks for the May meatiness!

2010-05-18T22:37:00.000-07:00

Hello folks -

Well, you did it again -- you all made our screening of "The Meateater" meaty, meaty great! It was a killer show all around. We also thank HMN's very first special guest, Richard Nathan, who acted in the film. He was a great sport, a treat to have onstage, and made a great evening even better. If you'd like to know more about the man, visit his site, and see him act in a recent video.

We also want to thank our good pals at Candy Warehouse, our sponsor for the show. Check 'em out for the best candy site out there (a great source for nostalgic candy, too).

We'll be back Saturday, June 5th for our next show, featuring "Alien Vs. Hunter". More details soon. Hope to see you all again!

Luff,

HMN

Ding! Your April HMN is ready!

2010-03-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while here at HMN headquarters, we discover a movie so stunningly staggeringly bad, it surprises even us. That movie is our latest cinematic Hindenburg, 1983's "Microwave Massacre". It's the tragic tale of Donald, a lowly dipshit who works construction, who is tormented by the overly fancy meals prepared by his gourmet cook wife, May. One drunken night, he can't take another chicken cordon bleu, so he whacks her and eats her (!). From that point on, he sates his taste for human flesh by picking up various women for take-out.

The lead role is played by Jackie Vernon, the voice of Frosty the Snowman in the beloved Rankin/Bass classic cartoon. You'll never hear, "Happy Birthday" the same way ever again. You also get the rubberiest severed body parts, the gigantic-est microwave oven, and the porniest of 70s funk soundtracks. Not to mention gratuitous 80s boobage (the trailer below is NSFW)!

The comedy is psychotic, the horror is hysterical, the script is ludicrous, and the direction is baffling. This one truly smacked our gob, and we cordially dare you to join us to send up this masterpiece.

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Saturday, April 10, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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This month's show is being brought to you with the support of our pals at Anthem Pictures -- visit their site to see the plethora of great films they have available!

The Omelettes will be on hand to perform improv halfway through the picture, and take the film out to the woodshed at the end. Your host is Tom Winkler, creator of doodie.com, and the brand-new I'm Not Insane. He will guide you all through this month's movie like a swan boat through a Tunnel of Love.

You will also be competing for prizes honoring the funniest quips shouted out during the movie -- this movie ain't gonna riff itself! We'll have all manner of drinks available, plus freshly-baked brownies! Come down early to insure a spot. We have very limited seating! Follow us on Facebook & Twitter, and sign up for updates at horriblemovie@pacbell.net, if you haven't already. Bring a friend or two, and come on down! We'll look forward to seeing you & thanks for the support.

Ding!

HMN's host -- insane, or not?

2010-03-20T10:14:00.000-07:00

Our amazing host, Tom Winkler, has embarked upon another Web mission (in addition to his previous & ongoing adventures Doodie.com and Don't Whack Your Boss). This time, it's I'm Not Insane -- a place to prove your sanity to the world, and win a t-shirt while you're at it! Here's an explanation in Tom's own words:

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Hello. I'm Tom. The creator of doodie.com.
People have called me insane for years.
Well I'm not. I'm not insane.

Do you feel the same way?
Would you like to join me in sharing
this safety evoking message with the masses?

Every weekday we will post several photographs from around the planet.
Pictures of you, proclaiming your utter lack of insanity.

Friends and strangers alike will have the opportunity to vote for
whomever seems the most 'not insane' and we'll announce
the winner every night at midnight New York time.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

This looks promising, folks -- the not-insane among us now have a voice! Go visit, win, and wear your shirt proudly!

Putting the turd in Saturday, it's March's Horrible Movie Night!

2010-03-01T16:38:00.000-08:00

It can now be unleashed!

The March HMN film is 1989's, "Terror in Beverly Hills". This amazingly inept and stupefying actioner stars Frank Stallone as -- get this -- Hack Stone, a retired Special Forces soldier now running a martial arts studio. When the President's daughter, while shopping in Beverly Hills, is kidnapped by terrorists, Hack is mobilized to get her back. The leader of the terrorist organization has a score to settle with Hack, so he ups the ante by kidnapping Hack's family. Now it's on like a Toyota gas pedal.

The ridiculousness in this movie knows no bounds. An eight year-old with an Etch-A-Sketch could write a more cogent plot, although that movie wouldn't be half as hilarious. We are treated to superlative stereotypes in a strip bar, the world's worst TV anchor broadcasting from what looks like a janitor's closet, and the President's colorful kaleidoscope of telephones. There are flubbed takes, clunky ad-libs, and stilted ADR -- none of which made it to the cutting room floor where it belongs. Truly, it's a jawdropper!

This movie also reunites Cameron Mitchell, and William Smith, two veterans of many Z-grade films, who previously appeared together in October '09's HMN, "Memorial Valley Massacre". But it's Frank Stallone's picture, and he's pure gold with every word that muscles its way out of his mouth.

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Saturday, March 13, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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Your HMN improv team, The Omelettes, will be on hand to spank the film heartily throughout the evening, and your host, Tom Winkler, creator of doodie.com, and Don't Whack Your Boss, will dreamily MC you to heaven.

Seating is limited, so get yourself down to the theater early before we sell out our seats! We are back downstairs in the Dorie Theater (in the main lobby), so you can't miss us. Seriously, don't miss us! We will have drinks, some containing alcohol, for sale along with snacks.

We'll have prizes for the top quotable quotes yelled out during the show! Get on our mailing list (horriblemovie@pacbell.net), or Facebook, or Twitter if you ain't already. We'll keep an eye out for you -- come one down!

HMN

You'll go snowblind watching this month's movie!

2010-02-05T09:48:00.000-08:00

Happy February, HMN friends!

As part of our outreach program to help you all get through the corporate obligation that is Valentine's Day (the day, not the movie -- although you may need counseling for that, too), we offer this month's horrible movie -- the 1988 ski slope slasher, "Iced".

This stinker takes place at a ski resort, where a gaggle of idiots (who are almost always photographed like they're posing for a group photo) take in some skiing, drinking, and shtupping. When one of the fellas loses his girl to a rival, he vows revenge and angrily takes to the slopes, dying in the process. Or does he --? Four years later, the same group is mysteriously invited to a time-share ski weekend, where they are picked off by a ski-masked killer. Hmmmmm.

The screenplay was written by one of the actors (his first and last), and it also features Lisa Loring, who played Wednesday Adams in the original "Addams Family" TV series, who gives us some serious nakedity. What would Cousin Itt say?

There's some wonderful ridiculousness in this film: a man not able to find reverse on his car, nude cocaine use, a clairvoyant real estate developer, and the most hilarious carrot eating scene in the history of film.

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Saturday, February 20, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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As always, the killer Omelettes will perform improv at the halfway mark of the movie, and during the end credits. Your host is Tom Winkler, creator of doodie.com, and Don'tWhackYourBoss.com -- he will lovingly guide you through this cinematic sweat lodge.

We sold out last month's show, so if you want a seat, show your ass up early! It's limited seating. We will be upstairs at the Flight theater this month -- there'll be plenty of signage to guide you there. Beer, wine, water, and all manner of treats will be available at our horrible concession stand.

And there will be prizes awarded for the best quotes yelled out during the performance. Get on our mailing list (horriblemovie@pacbell.net), or Facebook, or Twitter if you ain't already. We'll look for you at the theater!

HMN's Omelettes in the wild!

2010-01-31T20:07:00.000-08:00

If you like the improv goodness that is the Omelettes at our shows, then you should head on out to support them at some special comedy events. First off, Steve is part of an improv competition every Monday:

IO West - Mondays at 8PM
http://west.ioimprov.com/

And Lindsey does a similar competition at the The Improv Space every Thursday:

Improv Space - Thursdays at 8PM
http://www.theimprovspace.com/

Both of these are "American Idol"-style judged contests -- the more support they get, the farther they get in the competition. So, head on out to see 'em one of these days. Perhaps we'll see you there!

And our next HMN is Saturday, February 20th at 8PM. Movie announcement to follow. See ya!

2010-01-05T21:43:00.000-08:00

Hello, dear bad movie aficionados!

We hope you survived the holidaze, and send you the brightest greetings for the next decade. Let's start it off with something horrible!

For January, we proudly present "Guns of El Chupacabra" (trailer here). This 1997 epic chronicles the adventures of Jack B. Quick, Space Sheriff, on a mission from Queen Bee and King Allmedia (oh, yes) to hunt down an interstellar chupacabra let loose on Earth. A documentary film crew is investigating the deaths caused by the chupacabra, and a vigilante luchador decides to hunt the creature, as well. Also along for the ride are ninjas, government agents, aliens, and shotgun-wielding naked women.

Still with us? Good.

This cryptozoological sci-fi nightmare was written, produced, and starred in by the amazingly prolific Scott Shaw, creator of over 40 films (we highly recommend visiting his site). In 2007, Shaw was bestowed with a Smithee award for "Guns" -- the Smithees are given out yearly to only the most terrible movies (see his acceptance video here). It's HMN's first award-winning film!

It also stars scream-queen Julie Strain, her real-life husband (and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" co-creator) Kevin Eastman, and Martin Sheen's brother Joe Estevez. The performance to watch, however, is Robert Z'Dar (who shined in "Maniac Cop"), as Z-Man Lord Invader, the doughiest galactic overlord you'll ever see. Only your last acid flashback will compare with the joyous horror you will experience with us.

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Saturday, January 23rd, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
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The lovely Omelettes will take the stage to improv scenes midway through the flick, and your host is the scintillating Tom Winkler of doodie.com. They will rock you.

We're doing our regular Saturday show, and no longer require RSVPs! Just show on up early before we run out of seats. We will have beer, wine, water, and snacks for sale in the lobby as you ponder what type of twisted creature you will become after being subjected to this month's movie.

There will be prizes for the quippiest quips, plus a couple special surprises. You can't miss it -- technically, you can miss it, but you will forever rue the day! Join our Facebook group and follow us on Twitter if you haven't already. And spread the word!

We'll look forward to seeing you at the show!

You better watch out --

2009-12-01T18:14:00.000-08:00

Happy Horribledays!

As we approach awards season, Hollywood will bring out its best -- be it tear-jerking Oscar bait, or FX-laden epics, they are all sure to be wonderful gifts. But if you prefer a cinematic lump of coal, HMN has you covered (we know you've been bad, anyway).

That said, allow us to present Hulk Hogan in 1996's "Santa with Muscles", a film so bad, the original screenwriter sued to have his name removed from the credits. This cheesy Christmas disaster features the Hulkster as a millionaire of questionable morals (a stretch --?) who, during a run from the law, is knocked out cold and wakes up thinking he is Santa Claus. He somehow hooks up with an orphanage bedeviled by evil scientists (the head baddie is played by Ed Begley Jr.), and proceeds to do good. You will notice Mila Kunis in one of her first film roles as an orphan. But no rotten movie is complete without the inimitable Clint Howard! This one has got it all.

In deference to your busy December schedule, we have programmed HMN for a Thursday evening (we know your Saturdays are all taken up -- we checked). So instead of watching "FlashForward", come party with us and holler to your heart's content at one of the worst holiday movies you'll ever see.

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Thursday, December 17th, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

We had a great turnout last time, so get your RSVPs in toot sweet to insure your seats.

RSVP now to: horriblemovie@pacbell.net

The always-fantastic Omelettes will again perform, and your host Tom Winkler of doodie.com will guide you down Candy Cane Lane for the evening. It promises to be some howlin' good holiday terror. Beer, wine, and snacks will be available to soothe your Christmas music-tortured soul.

Make sure to spread the word, and we'll see you at the theater!

To heck with "New Moon" -- go Troubled Moon with Horrible Movie Night!

2009-11-17T11:42:00.000-08:00

Hey cats.

Instead of following the romantic entanglements of some pouty Northwest vampires this weekend, load in to the cryptozoological terror that is "Suburban Sasquatch"! The only thing this beast loves is stomping on people's legs, and roaring like a Shi Tzu in a laundry sack. You, however, will fall in love with the frightening effects, bumbling police officers, and beer-forsaking businessmen that inhabit our stinker this month. You must bear witness!

The good folks at Troubled Moon Films gave the world "Suburban Sasquatch" in 2004, and this Saturday, we bring it you!

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Saturday, November 21st, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The seats are filling up fast, so get on the stick and email us to RSVP:

RSVP now to: horriblemovie@pacbell.net

Hope to see you there!

Bigfoot shall rise again (again)!

2009-10-23T14:21:00.000-07:00

Damned newfangled technology!

We were skunked for our grand debut of "Suburban Sasquatch" on account of a disfunctional DVD. Y'see what happens when you don't use your trusted VHS format?

HMN always has its parachute packed, and showed our back-up feature, "The Witching" from 1993. How could 64 minutes feel so long? This abysmal outing had a dour James Dean wanna-be (and his nerdy friend channelling Jon Lovitz) find a 400 year-old invocation to an ancient witch in the wall of his (70s-era?) tract home. And how did said witch & her minions enter our plane? Through the refrigerator, of course! As our heroes battled nose-picking demons and poorly-constructed puppets, our HMN audience rose to the occasion, and pepper-sprayed the screen with acidic jibes. Later, the Omelettes improv-ed "The Witching's" casting session to hilarious results. Everyone took turns kicking ass.

So you have another chance to be a part of the astonishing wonder that is "Suburban Sasquatch". To make this viewing extra-special, we will have prizes for the most hilarious riffs of the evening. The prizes are provided by the director himself, Dave Wascavage of Troubled Moon Films! He wishes he could attend our screening, but hopes you all enjoy yourself watching the movie (but assumes no responsibility for cleaning up your remains). Here's a lil' peek at what you have to look forward to (this is not the best part, BTW -- the whole movie is best part):

Saturday, November 21st, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.

Your ebullient host for the evening is Tom Winkler, of doodie.com fame. The Omelettes will again be on hand to perform last rites for our film, with your help, of course! If you enjoy movie riffing, please pass this invitation along on to any like-minded friends!

RSVP now to: horriblemovie@pacbell.net

There'll be beer, wine, and snacks available for sale -- see how many you can have! Don't forget to join us on Facebook and Twitter. Spread the horrible word! Thanks!

Horrible Movie Night's podcast interview

2009-10-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

Hey, folks. The intrepid Alex Roman, who discovers cool and worthwhile people & places in Los Angeles (and hosts a podcast featuring those discoveries), has lowered his standards greatly by devoting his latest show to HMN. Alex wallowed in the muck of bad cinema with us, and uncovered the origins (and future!) of our lil' ol' movie night.

He's a fantastically nice guy, and we thank him very much for asking us to be on his show. Visit his site Living in L.A., or get the podcast from iTunes.

October's Horrible Movie!

2009-10-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

Halloween sits at the center of October like the delicious chocolate in a Tootsie Pop. Of course to get there, you have to get through the disgusting and horrifying lollipop part first. This is a lot like Horrible Movie Night.

Before getting to Halloween, allow us to poison your palate with this month's movie selection, "Suburban Sasquatch"! From 2004, this wonderfully atrocious film tells the story of a Bigfoot terrorizing a housing development for encroaching its forest land. On its trail are a reporter (for a newspaper of which he seems to be the only employee), the amazing inept police force, and a mysterious Native American woman who's mighty handy with a bow. You will be agog at the special effects, the spare-no-expense sets, and the massive breasts on the sasquatch. You can't miss this one!

Saturday, October 17th, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.

As always, our host is the effervescent Tom Winkler, of doodie.com fame. And the always amazing Omelettes will take over the stage halfway through the movie to improv some scenes. Please pass it on to any like-minded friends! RSVP now to: horriblemovienight@pacbell.net

Beer, wine, and snacks, will be available for cheeeeeep. The more you drink, the funnier your comments are.

This month's show is made possible by the good folks at Maxim Media -- check out their legion selection of horror films at their site. And a special thanks to the director, Dave Wascavage of Troubled Moon Films, who has given his blessing to show the film, and hopes we all survive. Visit his site and see his other terrifying films!

Hope to see you at the theater!

Another notch in the cinematic bedpost

2009-09-20T17:29:00.000-07:00

"Memorial Valley Massacre" was a clubfooted smash, and our audience came through with killer commentary. Only in a Horrible Movie can you not avoid the slowest runaway bulldozer ever seen on film. Our thanks to everyone that showed up!

We're working on clearing our October movie, and once we do, it'll get you thinking about Halloween -- only the part where you eat too much candy, and barf 'til your uvula looks like a clown nose.

Don't forget to get on our mailing list:horriblemovienight@pacbell.net

Horrible Movie Night is go!

2009-09-05T16:51:00.000-07:00

Oh dear, what are we doing --?

Dare you subject yourself to the pain and horror of the worst movies on the planet? Good -- we'll have company. Join us on our monthly excursions to the unseen depths of moviedom. Our next journey:

"Memorial Valley Massacre"

From 1988, this slasher movie takes place on Memorial Day weekend (we wish there was a "Labor Day Massacre", but alas) at a newly-opened park in the wilderness. The guests are all out of Central Casting, and cover every stereotype in the book -- biker chicks, an ex-military man, a henpecked husband, high school dickweeds, etc. And the killer (don't worry, this is revealed in the first ten minutes) is a CAVEMAN. It goes wonderfully downhill from there.

As always, your host is Tom Winkler, creator of doodie.com, and we'll have halftime improv from the Omelettes!

Saturday, September 19th, 2009
8PM (Doors at 7:15)
The Complex - 6476 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, Calif 90038
$8.

Seats are gonna go fast, so RSVP now to: horriblemovie@pacbell.net

Our first theater show!

2009-08-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

Our premiere cinematic 10-car pileup is "The Executioner Part 2" from 1984. There was no Part 1. Classic. It was also filmed without sound, and had the dialogue dubbed in later (even though it was filmed in the US with American actors). One of those actors is Chris Mitchum, son of Robert Mitchum. It's the story of two Vietnam vets whose lives take different paths upon their return -- one becomes a cop, the other becomes a vigilante. It's beautifully awful, with some keen bon mots you'll treasure the rest of the week.

Get on our mailing list at horriblemovie@pacbell.net We'll keep you informed of all our future shows!

Horrible Movie Night

Talk about a train wreck! HMN takes on "Night Train to Terror"!

Have yourself a scary little Christmas with HMN and "Elves"!

Place your bets! Tiffany Vs. Debbie Gibson, or Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid?

The awesomeness of garbage day.

Sashay down the bloody runway with the cast of "Project Vampire"!

It's the terrible twos! Join us for a special birthday show, with "Catman", and "Shattered: If Your Kid's On Drugs"!

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit G - "Pushed Too Far"

Zombie Hamlet?! A horribly terrific play written by a HMN favorite.

"Kiss Daddy Goodbye" gives you double trouble, with guests Alain Silver & Patrick Regan!

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit F - "Las Vegas Bloodbath"

Adam Rifkin, Dan Povenmire & Bobby Ray Shafer to appear at HMN's roast of "Psycho Cop 2"!

Holy talking ponies! It's April's HMN, with special guest Jay Thomas!

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit E - "Killer Workout"

Don't say you didn't see this coming! It's March's HMN (with a special guest)!

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit D - "Ax 'Em"

Know the past, or you'll be doomed to watch it again --

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit C - "Pocket Ninjas"

Abracadabra! Come help us saw this "Sorceress" in half!

Forget everything you know about zombies. Seriously.

Get into our Christmas shorts -- it's December's HMN!

This November, you get a Ponch in the face!

You can't be uninvited to the horror of "Uninvited"!

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit B - "Beasties"

You'll need all nine lives to survive "Uninvited"!

It's our first anniversary, and you get the gift -- of "Alien Warrior"!

Too horrible for HMN! Exhibit A -- "Exterminator City"

You will want revenge upon "Twister's Revenge"!

"Deadly Prey" will prey upon you like prey -- with laughter!

In the case of "Alien Vs. Hunter" -- guilty of being awesomely awful!

Thanks for the May meatiness!

Sponsored this month by MEAT!

Ding! Your April HMN is ready!

HMN's host -- insane, or not?

Putting the turd in Saturday, it's March's Horrible Movie Night!

You'll go snowblind watching this month's movie!

HMN's Omelettes in the wild!

You better watch out --

To heck with "New Moon" -- go Troubled Moon with Horrible Movie Night!

Bigfoot shall rise again (again)!

Horrible Movie Night's podcast interview

October's Horrible Movie!

Another notch in the cinematic bedpost

Horrible Movie Night is go!

Our first theater show!